


Truth and Balance

by s_the_queen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Bastila Shan - Freeform, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Lightsabers, Sass, The Force, darth revan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-07 09:49:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13432161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_the_queen/pseuds/s_the_queen
Summary: Kylo Ren and Rey have forged a connection that is strengthening over time. Rey is dissatisfied with all available teachings of the Force, and has decided to learn it on her own terms, the way she does everything else. Kylo, as always, is torn apart. Finn is unamused. Poe is Poe.Also posted on FF.net.





	1. Chapter 1

He rocketed up from his bed, drenched in sweat, body still thrumming angrily in pain. He gritted his teeth against it--it wasn’t his own. He could accept, even encourage his own pain, but he would not accept hers in this insufficient representation of empathy. He was not supposed to empathize. 

 

Ben Solo would have accepted it, and tried to fix it. Fix her. But Kylo Ren refused. 

 

Another blinding strike of pain ricocheted across his chest and down to his rib cage. He grunted in exertion, driving the pain back and desperately trying to sever their connection. It wasn’t working--at least not well enough. 

 

“Fuck.” He groaned, inhaling deeply as it throbbed down his spine. He wanted it to stop, but didn’t know what was happening to her. With a frustrated growl, he threw their connection wide open and peered through her eyes grudgingly. 

 

For a moment, he couldn’t see anything. When she opened her eyes he saw a doctor staring down at her worriedly. When she looked down at herself, her vision--and therefore his--was overtaken by red. He inhaled sharply, surprised. Jedi training at her level wasn’t supposed to be violent. She must have left Skywalker at some point. That explained the irritation and frustration that he had received in random intervals. He sighed.  _ You’re with the resistance again. _ He stated to her. He could feel her start--he hadn’t ever tried to communicate with her through their bond. He had ignored it as vehemently as possible until now. 

 

_ Yes.  _

 

_ And you’ve been injured. _

 

_ Yes.  _

 

_ Fantastic. _ He snarled. He could hear her whimper as sharp pain coursed through her body. 

 

_I’m sorry._ The apology trembled in his mind. He frowned, confused.

 

_ For injuring me? That should be a positive byproduct.  _ He chastised her.  _ We don’t like each other. _

 

_ But we feel each other. And I, unlike you, don’t like causing needless pain. _

 

_ Ah, snarky. You must be feeling better. _

 

Another wave of pain course through them.  _ Decidedly not.  _

 

Kylo growled, severely tempted to take his saber to the walls of his quarters, hacking and slashing his ire into visible relief. But he refrained--that level of fury would harm her and, it seemed, would harm him in return. 

 

_ Where are you? _ He demanded. 

 

_ Not a chance, Ben. _ She snapped. The doctor was attempting to mop up her blood--attempting to seal her wounds, but they weren’t cooperating. He was watching, twitching with frustration as the incompetent woman attempted to fix Rey’s broken body. 

 

_ She can’t do anything for you. Clearly. Tell me where you are. _

 

_ So you can  _ **_heal_ ** _ me? _ She snorted.  _ I firmly believe that if you arrive here, you’ll murder us all. My pain doesn’t matter. Your pain is unfortunate, but it also does not matter.  _

 

He stewed in his anger for a moment--watching the incompetence in front of him unfold.  _ Tell her to cauterize the wound. With your saber. Or a brand iron.  _

 

He felt anxiety stir in her stomach.  _ That doesn’t sound pleasant.  _

 

_ At least then she’ll be able to close your damn wounds. Do it. _

 

“Cauterize it. My saber.” She croaked at the doctor. The doctor regarded her with wide eyes. 

 

“That will be very painful.”

 

“Less painful than this, I should think. At least when it’s cauterized I won’t be bleeding.”

 

After a moment’s hesitation, she fetched Rey’s lightsaber. “Are you ready?”

 

Kylo and Rey steeled themselves, and Rey nodded. The tip of the ignited saber was lowered to her chest and the piercing sound of Rey’s screams ricocheted through the medical bay and Kylo’s head. He dropped to his knees, clutching his chest harshly. 

 

_ That  _ **_sucked_ ** _.  _ Rey groaned. Had it not been so painful, he would have laughed. 

 

_ Are you okay?  _ He asked without thinking. He stopped abruptly, realizing what he had asked. Rather--what Ben Solo had asked. 

 

_ You’re the second person to ever have asked me that. _

 

_ Ever? _

 

_ Ever. _

  
  


* * *

 

When she woke, the pain was dull--not sharp, but a hollow thudding when her heart beat. She sat up in the hospital bed and examined her surroundings and herself. They had managed to clean her up. Her saber was delicately perched on a side table next to her. She was alone. Completely alone. She couldn’t feel Ren. Even as she tentatively reached out to touch their connection, it seemed like his side was completely blocked off.

 

She needed to learn how to do that.

 

She had no one to teach her though. The only two people she knew that had a firm grasp on how to use the force were no longer options. She had left Luke Skywalker. The Jedi way was too contradictory. It preached balance and justice, but stayed only in the light. It purged emotion, it demanded serenity. It was one side of a scale, yet the Jedi order were always perplexed when the scale tipped. It was irrational. 

 

Kylo Ren was out of the question too. So unstable that he had murdered his own father. His own lightsaber was unstable--crackling violently as though it was as torn as he was. Ren was not balanced, he was being torn apart. Against her will, she felt for him. Their connection had been slight when he had driven his saber through Han’s chest, but it had certainly been there. He had been so sure that his path would be clear and resolute once Han was gone, but he only felt weaker and more polarized once his father had fallen. He had felt his mother’s sorrow, his father’s forgiveness, her own shock and horror, and his guilt, sadness and confusion. He had hoped that all he would feel was relief. 

 

When Luke had been teaching her, he had told her that the dark side gathered power from anger, passion and pain. She had thought to when Kylo had cornered her and Finn and pounded on the wound that Chewbacca’s bowcaster had ripped into his midsection. She had felt a pinch then--nothing serious. She knew that if he sustained the same injury now, she would have easily passed out from the pain. But he had driven his fist into it and gained power. It was terrifying, yes. But it had been awe inspiring. 

 

The fact remained though, that he had also decided that the dark was the only path. There was no balance to be maintained. Luke and Ren were opposites, and she didn’t want to learn from either. She wanted balance. 

 

So she had returned to the Resistance. 

 

She was starting to think that was a mistake. A stormtrooper who had lost his weapon had picked up a piece of jagged iron sheeting that had been blown from a nearby structure and caught her full in the chest. Then, he had roughly shoved his knee into her ribs. It had hurt like murder. A few moments later, it was even worse. The ridiculous bond she shared with Kylo Ren was suddenly crippling. Where they had yelled or verbally sparred before, she was sure they were killing each other now. Even worse, it was completely by accident. 

 

It echoed and amplified between them--the intense pain charging through them like feedback through a commlink. It was devastating.

 

She had to (grudgingly) admit that his suggestion had been a good one. It had hurt a  _ lot _ , but now that the pain was gone and she hadn’t bled out, she found herself rather grateful for the battle worn dipshit’s advice. 

 

_ Dipshit? _

 

“Jesus.” She groaned.  _ I didn’t know you were there.  _

 

_ I wasn’t. Until you called me a battle-worn dipshit. That was both rude and infantile.  _

 

_ I’m  _ _ rude and infantile?  _  She snarled. She wanted to slam a door in his face. And suddenly, it was silent. “Well. That was easy.” She chuckled. She half expected him to tug on their connection so that they could finish their argument, but he left it alone. She settled back into the sheets, the tightness in her chest becoming just a shade too sharp. 

 

She closed her eyes, but did not sleep. She listened intently to her breath, deeply appreciating the fact that she was still alive. She just sat and felt her lungs inflate and deflate steadily for an hour before Finn came to see her. 

 

As soon as he entered the room, he fixed her with a disapproving stare. 

 

“ _ Cauterize the wound with my lightsaber. _ ” He snapped. “Of  _ all _ the ridiculous and bravado packed suggestions you could have suggested, you chose ‘ _ Cauterize the wound with my lightsaber’ _ ?”

 

“I don’t think I used that many words.”

 

“Rey.”

 

“Finn.”

 

“Poe!” The pilot smirked as he strode in. “I thought I’d let him get the heft of his irritation out of his system before I joined you. He hasn’t shut up since you passed out.”

 

“How long--”

 

“Two days.” Finn snapped again. She grimaced. 

 

“Not good.”

 

“You lost a lot of blood.” Poe offered. Finn gave an irritated snort. 

 

“Which is why I asked her to cauterize it…”

 

“WITH your LIGHTSABER.”

 

“Stop yelling.” She groaned, closing her eyes. She hated arguments that she couldn’t stand up and walk out of. Or punch and kick her way out of. “Stopping the bleeding was a good idea, and it was completely necessary. It wasn’t bravado. I didn’t realize the doctor was going to tell the entire base about it.”

 

Finn sighed tiredly, slumping indelicately into a chair next to her bed. “It was a good idea.” He admitted begrudgingly. “I just don’t like the idea of you in pain.”

 

“We’re at war. There’s going to be pain.” 

 

“Physical and emotional. I know. No need to roll out the speech again.”

 

Just a few months earlier, she had laid into Finn for complaining about the death toll and the injuries. ‘ _ Think of General Organa!’  _ She had snarled. ‘ _ The evil she’s fighting is her son. She has to pray every day that her son doesn’t murder her fighters the way he murdered her husband. His own father. And she has to remember the fact that her SON is the person that her people want to obliterate. She has to hope. Do you know how painful it must be for her to hope that beneath that murderer, Ben Solo is alive? Hope is painful. Freedom is painful. The fight is painful. Get the fuck over yourself. _ ’ And she had stormed away. The entire time, guilt had been stabbing through her core and sadness weighing down her arms and chest. For a moment she had thought it was her own, but it was deeper and more absolute. That was when she realized the extent of her connection to Kylo Ren. 

 

From that moment, she had become guarded. Only telling half truths and only paying half attention to the world around her for fear that he would somehow slip past her barriers and glean knowledge of the Resistance’s plans. 

 

In strategy sessions, she kept her face away from the holoboard and stared resolutely at walls, checking every few moments to see if he was listening. Fortunately, he gave up trying to listen after only a few tries. Still, she remained vigilant. 

 

His fury--his raw rage would surface in random intervals. The clawing, burning monster that came alive in his chest, and therefore hers. Although, while it ignited him, it suffocated her. She supposed he felt it because as time went on, the rage subsided more quickly. 

 

When she was training--teaching herself to use the Force, he would unhelpfully interject.  _ You need to move your foot inwards. Your grip is too slack. Your grip is too tight. Your grip is lopsided. Your center of balance is off.  _ And so it went. 

 

He hated it when she spent time with Finn. Finn, Poe, General Organa and Luke had no idea that she was connected to him. Therefore they were freely vocal about their distaste for the First Order. Finn was particularly vocal about his distaste for Ren. 

 

Sometimes--not often--she tried to peer back at him. When she was bored or curious. When an emotion that she knew wasn’t hers would pop up in her consciousness. Sometimes she saw Hux mocking him. Belittling him. Those moments, she wasn’t sure if her ire was only his, or if she shared it. She may not like him, but he was not to be belittled. He was powerful. He was awe inspiring. Other times, it was sorrow. Those times, he was meditating. Drawing his pain to his body and fortifying it within himself.  _ Why do you do that? _

 

_ Are you asking me to teach you?  _ He had murmured back. 

 

_ Absolutely not. _

 

He sighed.  _ Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Pain is a form of passion. It draws you away from so-called serenity and sets your nerves alight. It can be focused or it can be raw, but either way it can be channeled.  _ He smirked.  _ I like it raw. I like feeling it surge and snap. _

 

_ Seems unbalanced. _ She sighed.  _ Unhinged. _

 

_ It is. But it’s all I have.  _

 

That had been the second time they spoke, well after she had decided to leave Luke’s care. And she understood. Peace and serenity were a lot to ask for. But so were unfettered rage and passion. Sometimes when she felt him, he ripped her nerves raw. 

 

Poe and Finn were watching her quietly, unsure of what to say. She was lying in her bed, head tilted slightly back with a whisper of a frown on her face. Very occasionally, when she reached out to him she felt something different. When she was in pain, when she was frustrated, when she wanted to lash out; he reassured her and she would relapse to peace. It irked him, yes, but it also brought him relief. He was hardly there now. She had, after all, slammed the door in his face. And he was probably planning something terrible, not waiting for her to mentally stroke him. 

 

“You’ve been acting different.” Finn said suddenly. Her eyes snapped open. 

 

“Different how?”

 

“Different. You always feel like you’re somewhere else. Especially since you left Skywalker.”

 

“Oh. I know. I’ve had a lot to think about.” 

 

“Like?” Poe prompted. She shook her head.

 

“How I’m going to learn about the force if I don’t agree with the way it’s being taught. What Kylo Ren is planning next. Whether I’m enough to stop him or bring him back.” She felt a jolt of surprise.  _ What? _

 

_ Bring me back?  _

 

_ None of your business. _

 

_ I vehemently disagree. _

 

_ Too bad, Darth Tantrum. _

 

He spluttered. She didn’t slam the door on him, but she minimized their connection drastically. 

 

“Bring him back?” Finn spluttered. Rey snorted. The men in her life were similar and predictable. 

 

“He’s either Kylo Ren or he’s Ben Solo. Well...he  _ will _ be. Right now there’s both. But eventually one needs to be snuffed out. I’m hoping it will be Ren.”

 

Poe looked alarmed, but didn’t say anything. “He’s beyond saving.” Finn snarled. 

 

“He’s not.” Rey insisted. “I’ve had a lot more face time with him than either of you. I’ve seen Kylo Ren, but I’ve  _ felt _ Ben Solo.” She sighed. “Tangibly.”

 

On the other side of their connection (which Ren had apparently decided not to close) she felt anger. It clawed it’s way into her chest. She had a feeling that he would be destroying something in mere moments, but the fact remained. He tried so hard to prove that he was fully dark because there was still light clawing at him, stronger even than when his father had stood before him, pleading with him to come home. 

 

“It’s not there. I was there when he ordered the indiscriminate slaughter of an entire village on Jakku. Poe was tortured by him. He killed his father. He tried to kill  _ us _ . He stood by and watched the destruction of an entire planetary system.” Finn’s ire was building. 

 

“If you’re going to fight me on this, you can leave. I had a rusty piece of sheet metal driven through my sternum. My discomfort currently takes precedence over yours.”

 

Finn looked wounded. Poe looked uncomfortable but unsurprised. Ren felt satisfied--pleased, even. And so she felt guilty. As Finn turned to walk out, she stopped him. “I can feel him.”

 

He stopped, stalk still. “What?”

 

“That’s part of why I’ve been acting different. I can feel him. His emotions. I can feel when he’s in pain, I can feel when he’s angry. I can feel when he’s guilty and frustrated and nervous and sad.” She swallowed thickly. “It’s making me raw.”

 

He stood, thinking. Then, after a moment: “Just because he can be redeemed, doesn’t mean he deserves it.” And he left.

 

Rey felt like crying, but she didn’t really do that. She shut the door on Ren completely, not wanting to feel his satisfaction that someone recognized him as truly dark. Nor his satisfaction that the former Stormtrooper had left. 

 

“So what are you going to do?” Poe asked after a long while. 

 

“I have no idea.”


	2. Chapter 2

Against her wishes, the answer didn’t just  **come** to her. In fact, it seemed to get father away. Most days, she didn’t even  **want** to save Ben Solo from Kylo Ren. She wanted to give him a firm punch in the teeth. 

 

When she thought things like that, she could feel a hand ghosting over her face in the same place where she’d left a deep and marring scar on his. She’d feel her anger ebb away for a moment before realizing that was exactly his intention. Then she would furiously imagine how well his broken teeth would match his fucked up face. 

 

She tried her best not to talk to him. She spent an unsettling amount of time with Poe, but at least he made her smile. He was her friend, as was Finn. It was a strange feeling, having something more affectionate than suspicious companionship. 

 

_ What do you know! We agree about something. _ A gruff protrusion into her mind. She flinched, and Poe’s face tightened. 

 

“I’ll see you later?” He asked quietly. She nodded stiffly, clambering up from her seat and heading resolutely for her quarters. 

 

_ It’s not like I can tell where you are from inside the base. _ He grumbled tiredly.  _ I’m not even looking. _

 

_ Why are you here? _ She asked stiffly.  _ You can keep the connection closed. Why are you here if you’re not trying to find us? _

 

_ Not sure. _ He grunted. She glanced at him. She was walking, but he was reclined in bed. Not wearing a shirt. She averted her eyes quickly, but he didn’t notice. He wasn’t even looking at her. His eyes were closed. 

 

_ Taking a nap? _ She asked, amused.  _ How human of you. _

 

_ I  _ **_am_ ** _ human, you know. _ He snorted, finally cracking an eye to peer at her. 

 

_ Hm. Anyways, how would you know anything beyond suspicious companionship? _ She acidly jibed. He raised an unimpressed eyebrow.  _ I hope you don’t mean me. _ She snorted.  _ Because I’m not only suspicious, I’m downright unwilling. _

 

He scoffed.  _ You can block the bond, too. You don’t unless you’re in the middle of something important. _

 

_ It wears me out. I’m... _ There was a sour taste in her mouth.  _ I’m not as strong as you are. _

 

_ That won’t be true for long. _ There was a sort of bitter pride to his tone.  _ You’re progressing quickly. _

 

_ Well if you’re bitter about it, stop giving me pointers when I train. In fact, butt out entirely. _

 

_ It’s just so painful to watch you butcher sacred sword forms. _ He smirked. She scowled.  _ In any case, I’ve given up on trying to see what you’re doing when you’re doing things you don’t want me to know about. But you’re right, it’s draining to keep the bond sealed off. I prefer to let it be. _

 

_ That’s why you keep it open? _ She chuckled.  _ Because it’s too much effort to keep it closed? _

 

He shrugged, eyeing her. She shifted uncomfortably.  _ How’s your chest? _

 

Her eyebrows shot upwards, but she could already feel his irritation.  _ It’s alright to feel concern for others, you know. _ She chortled. 

 

_ Not for my enemies. In fact, not for anyone.  _ He shook his head, as though trying to clear something from it.  _ Caring is weakness.  _

 

_ Sounds lonely.  _

 

_ If loneliness is the price I pay for power–to achieve my purpose, I’ll take it. It’s nothing new. _

 

She gazed at him sadly.  _ Having been lonely all my life, and having friends now...people who care for me, and who I care for in return...I can objectively tell you you’re wrong.  _

 

_ I cared for people. Loved them, even.  _ He reminded her coldly.  _ If you don’t care, it doesn’t hurt when they let you down. _

 

_ How did your parents let you down?  _ She asked seriously. It wasn’t meant as a jab, or a sting. Something had made him turn on the people he loved, and if Ben Solo was ever going to see the light again, she needed to know how Kylo Ren threw him into an abyss.  _ Your mother loves you.  _

 

_ I’ve already heard your diatribe about General Organa’s trials and tribulations. _ He snapped. She pursed her lips.  _ I know she loves me. But she was always too busy for me. I’d be surprised if she even felt my absence when she sent me to study with Skywalker. Han Solo was absent as well. Even when he was nearby, he was working on the Falcon, or dreaming of the next system he would explore. He could barely look at me once I started training. He was terrified that I would turn out like Darth Vader. The possibility itself drove my parents apart. I know he loved me too. But neither of them loved me enough to be there when I needed them. _

 

_ And Master Skywalker? _ She prodded. A furious sneer etched itself into his face, contorting nastily.

 

_ You still call him Master? He doesn’t deserve the word. Be glad you rid yourself of his influence before he destroyed you. _

 

_ What do you mean? _

 

_ If you ever see him again, ask him what he did for me. Then you can ask me why I choose to detach myself.  _

 

_ Or  _ **_you_ ** _ could tell me. _

 

He stood from the bed, stalking towards her.  _ No. I won’t expose myself to you and have you call me a liar. You can ask your precious mentor, and get the truth from him.  _

 

She stood her ground, even though they were now so close that she could see that his eyes were brown—not black.  _ If you despise attachment so much, this bond must be a true curse for you. _

 

_ It is. _

 

_ Then why don’t you close it? _

 

_ You’re not worth the extra effort. _ He sneered. She jolted, hurt, and threw up a wall against their bond, shutting him out. She wasn’t sure why it had bothered her. She knew he hated her, and she’d heard that from others before. Perhaps she’d hoped that she’d never hear it from him. 

* * *

 

His voice woke her in the middle of the night. 

 

_ It’s more than that.  _ He admitted sourly. She frowned, cracking an eye open. Apparently she couldn’t block him out while she slept. He was sitting on the edge of her bed.

 

_ What are you talking about?  _ She asked blearily.  _ What’s more than that? The reason you don’t cut off our bond? _

 

Anger bubbled up in her chest, but it wasn’t hers. And it wasn’t...fury. It was frustration. Agitation. Burning, but not as bright as she’d become accustomed to.  _ I feel hollow and lost. _ He sneered. 

 

She squinted at him, confused.  _ And you think that peering in on my life and making commentary on my friends and my training regimen will make you feel fulfilled and found? _ There was a note of incredulity.

 

_ You misunderstand. _ He shook his head. His next words were spoken aloud, and they boomed in her mind and echoed with truth. “When I can’t feel you, I feel empty and purposeless. Incomplete.” Her stomach dropped to her knees and her lungs tightened. 

 

“Your entire existence should make you feel that way.” She intoned coldly. His jaw twitched. 

 

“It does. It has.” He said monotonously. His eyes were blank. “I hate everything you stand for. I hate the Jedi…”

 

“I’m not a Jedi.”

 

“I hate Luke Skywalker…”

 

“I  _ left _ him.”

 

“I despise the New Republic…”

 

“ _ How  _ do I stand for  _ them _ ? I’m not a kriffing politician!”

 

“And you have faith in everyone until they prove you wrong. You’re too good.” He sneered.

 

“The first time I met Finn, I hit him in the face with a quarterstaff.” She intoned dully. Was this the impression she’d given him? That she was some sort of mascot for the Resistance?

 

“But the first time we fought...I felt peace for the first time since I left Skywalker’s care.” He admitted quietly, dark eyes boring holes in her. “Not just peace, either. I felt whole.” He looked sick to his stomach for telling her this. She had a sinking feeling it meant that he was telling the truth. “Seeing you...feeling you...it’s soothing. I don’t feel fractured. Furious, sure, but focused and rational.” He shook his head. “Like there’s been this...veil over me that’s shrouded me from seeing things as they are. I hate the things I hate, but…” He shrugged.

 

“But what?”

 

He caught her eyes again, a furiously passionate but utterly unintelligible look in his eyes. “I’m not hollow, following orders in search of promises kept. When I feel you, I don’t feel like ripping myself apart and taking the galaxy with me.” His voice was hoarse now, rough with something raw.  **Desperation.** Her heart was in her throat, and his desperation clawed at their chests.

 

_ How long have you felt this way? _

 

_ The whole time. _ He growled.  _ Every kriffing moment that this damnable bond has existed, you’ve been rattling around my skull and twisting everything.  _ He tore his gaze from her furiously.  _ What’s worse, you seem to be unaffected beyond annoyance.  _

 

Her mouth fell open.  _ Unaffected? _ He winced at the sudden increase in volume, especially since it was rattling around in his skull instead of permeating the room.  _ Yes, it’s bloody irritating to have to keep my eyes shut whenever I walk outside of the base just in case you try to skip through the periphery,  _ He snorted. As if he would ever  **skip** **_._ ** _ But it’s like I said earlier. I’d been alone for so long...even if you don’t care about me, I can’t deny that having you with me makes me feel calm. That even though I’m terrified of you, at least I’m not alone. That I have a place in all this, beyond scavenging scrap for quarter portions and waiting for people who will never come. I had disconnected myself from everyone—I couldn’t trust any of them. And I don’t trust you, but I can’t hide from you either. When you’re here, I don’t feel cold, or lonely, or broken, or useless. I feel powerful, and I see my potential. It’s just a shadow when you’re blocked off. You make me raw where everything was numb. Your presence...I don’t just want to survive, I want to thrive.  _

 

He was staring at her, unabashed, and she flushed furiously. She hadn’t meant to say so much, and hadn’t meant to tell her the depth of her attachment to their connection. But the bond had done that for her—her emotions resonating erratically between them.  _ That...sounds astonishingly close to dark. Not quite, but—  _ he broke off, contemplative. He didn’t look pleased, either. He looked conflicted. 

 

_ I thought that would please you. To hear that I’m edging closer to darkness. Isn’t that what you wanted? _ She asked bitterly. His brow furrowed, but he didn’t answer. His answer should be yes, but there was something perverse about the thought of her wielding the dark side of the force.

 

_ I need to go. _ He said abruptly, standing.

 

“Wait!” She cried aloud. She felt too raw—too vulnerable for him to cut her off now. He halted.  _ Sorry. Go if you need to.  _

 

She felt his unease palpably, swimming in her skull.  _ I need to figure something out.  _ He told her stiffly.  _ I can’t let you see where I’m going. But like I said. I can’t much stand to be apart from you for long.  _

 

She felt numb when he blocked her out. The bond had only gotten stronger since he advised her to cauterize her wound. They’d rarely talk, but he was a flame when she felt numb and she was a balm when he felt raw. They’d only been blocking each other out of necessity. 

 

After some time, she forced herself back into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

 

“You look like hell.” Finn grunted a greeting over breakfast the next morning, sliding into the seat across from her with a tray of rations. She was picking at her own, eyelids heavy.

 

“Thanks.” She grunted sarcastically. 

 

“Relentless evil keeping you up late?” He asked, only somewhat snide. She shot him an irritated look. 

 

“I had trouble sleeping.” 

 

“Planning to convert mass murderers to the light will do that.” 

 

“Stop patronizing me.” She snapped, eyes flashing. “I get it, you think he’s irredeemable. You keep on antagonizing me, you will be too.”

 

He blanched. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”

 

“I’ve been looking after myself since I was a child. I don’t need for you to look out for me, I need you to support me. I’m not trying to bring him back—I don’t even know if I  _ can _ . But if I decide to pursue it, that’s my choice.” She told him coldly. “You can sit here if you don’t bring up Kylo Ren.”

 

“Fine.” He growled, but he remained in place. 

 

“Man, you two are loud.” Poe muttered. “Luckily it’s the ass crack of dawn and no one is awake to hear you talking about communicating with Kylo Ren.” 

 

Finn glanced at her expectantly. “Aren’t you going to kick him off the table?” He demanded when all she did was roll her eyes. 

 

“No. He hasn’t been giving me grief for weeks for something I can’t control.  _ And _ , hasn’t been mocking me for hoping that someone might be salvageable.”

 

_ I’m not a piece of scrap metal you can pry off an Imperial Starship. _ Kylo Ren’s voice curled into her mind, but she ignored him.  _ You can’t scrub me clean and trade me for sustenance. _

 

_ Shut it.  _

 

_ Not what you said last night. _

 

_ For fuck’s sake! _

 

“Well it’s not like I’m fond of the guy. But between you and General Organa, you have enough hope to turn Snoke into a porg, so…” Poe shrugged and Rey smirked as Kylo Ren choked on a startled guffaw. 

 

_ You think my friends are funny! _

 

_ I think it’s funny that you’ve managed to convince someone that Ben Solo still exists somewhere within me. _

 

_ I think it’s funny that you don’t think that I was speaking to Ben Solo last night.  _ She shot back. He scowled.  _ Ben is stronger than I think you’ve realized. Maybe more than I’ve realized. _

 

_ You’re insane. _

 

_ You’ve mentioned that. Or...maybe Finn mentioned that? Someone’s certainly mentioned that. But I would never have asked Kylo Ren to stay.  _

 

_ Don’t be ridiculous.  _

 

“Even if Snoke did turn into a porg, Kylo Ren still wiped out an entire planetary system.”

 

“You’ve said that before, Finn.” Rey uttered tiredly. “Do you have a new argument?”  _ I’m not being ridiculous. You’re entrenched in the dark side, but Kylo Ren makes me feel like tearing my skin off. Ben Solo makes me feel alive. I can tell the difference, even if you can’t. Even if it’s miniscule. You’re in there, Ben. I don’t know if I can pull you out, but I know you’re there. _

 

_ He’s not there. _

 

_ Yes, you are. _

 

_ I swear on the entire galaxy, I’ll shut you out. _

 

_ You’re the one who came back.  _ He fell silent at that.  _ I thought so. _

 

_ Because I told you. _ He snorted.  _ My first mistake.  _

 

_ First? Try millionth.  _ She huffed. 

 

Poe was studying her. She pursed her lips.  _ You shouldn’t have told them. _

 

_ They’re my friends. _

 

_ You still shouldn’t have told them.  _

 

“It’s more than just feelings, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question. Poe’s statement was quiet, and Rey’s eyes darted to Finn, just to find him missing. “He left. He didn’t have a new argument. He’s over there.” He jammed his thumb over his shoulder. 

 

Rey worried her lip with her teeth. She could feel him in her mind, flitting on the other side of their bond, but he’d been momentarily distracted. “This bond, it’s...strong. And growing stronger.” Poe’s eyes widened, concerned, but she shook her head. “He doesn’t hurt me. We can block each other out. Most of the time, we don’t talk. But we can. Talk, I mean. We talked last night. He’s actually helped with my saber skills. The lightsaber cautery was his idea.” She admitted. “We can feel each other. Not just emotions, but physical pain. It’s like we’re being drawn closer together, and the closer I get, the more human he becomes.”

 

A tiny tug of disapproval. She ignored it. 

 

“What if he uses the bond against you?” Poe asked. 

 

“Until it’s parasitic, it’s symbiotic.” Rey assured him. “And once it’s parasitic, I’ll keep my guard up. I’ll start searching for ways to sever it, just in case.” 

 

A sharper tug of disapproval. She ignored that, too. 

 

“I trust you.” Poe assured her. “That doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

 

She smiled softly at him. “I’ll tell you if something’s wrong. But so far, it’s fairly benign. Well, as benign as having an enemy prowling around your head can be.” She conceded. This time, the tug was a tug of amusement. 

 

_ Symbiotic enemies. What a notion. _

 

_ An enemy to the resistance, Ben. Not to me. _ She taunted.

 

_ You’re insufferable. _

 

_ Yet, you suffer me. _ She told him cheerily. 

 

_ You may have a point about the symbiosis, though. _ He conceded, ignoring her self-satisfaction and clear delusions.

 

_ What do you mean? _

 

_ I’m still researching. If it concerns you, I’ll let you know. _

 

_ Or you could let me know, and I’ll decide if it concerns me. _

 

_ I hope you choke on your breakfast. _

 

_ I hope you choke on your attitude. _

 

He went silent after that. For hours. She was accustomed to his mood swings by now, so she merrily made her way to the empty room that General Organa had made available for her training. 

 

Her wounds had healed considerably in a short amount of time, her skin stitching itself together with a merciful swiftness that astounded her. She’d been injured plenty in her life. Her time as a scavenger was littered with near misses, particularly within the bellies of Star Destroyers. This, her deepest wound to date, had taken less time to heal than all of them. 

 

She ignited the pale blue lightsaber, and immediately moved through her stances and drills. She lost herself in movement and sensation, feeling the Force thrumming around her. Hours later, she was dripping with sweat, and she folded herself into a sitting position with her legs crossed and eyes closed. 

 

Meditation was paramount to mastering the Force, no matter what kind of practitioner you were. She’d given up on using meditation to push aside emotion. She was tethered to an emotional shock baton, so it was truly futile. Instead, she focused on connection—feeling everything in the room and the base beyond, and how the Force held it together. It flowed constantly, like a river or the wind, constantly shifting and thrumming and flashing and casting shadows. The reality of the Force in all things was a truth that she chased relentlessly. It was to be wielded, to be felt, to be revered. 

 

_ What is that _ ? He asked quietly.

 

_ What?  _ She asked, exasperated.  _ Can’t I meditate in peace? I let you meditate in peace. _

 

_ I felt something. Just there, when you extended yourself. You’re not using Jedi meditation practices. _

 

_ I’m not Jedi.  _ She reminded him blandly. 

 

_ But you were trained by one.  _ He argued. 

 

_ Can you go? _

 

_ No.  _ He insisted.  _ There was something there. I’ve only felt that once, and I was still a padawan.  _

 

_ Peace? _

 

_ No.  _

 

_ Um....Look, I really don’t know… _

 

_ Truth. Balance.  _ He barked.  _ All of the galaxy and what holds it together.  _

 

She paused, breathless.  _ You’ve felt it before. _

 

_ Long ago.  _ He murmured thoughtfully. 

 

They fell silent, and in the back of her mind she felt him fold his body into a seated position, legs crossed like hers.  _ We’re going to meditate together? _ She asked, something like fond amusement seeping into her voice.

 

_ Just for a moment. If you don’t mind. It’s been too long since I’ve meditated and felt anything akin to peace...or quiet.  _ His voice was tinged with longing. 

 

She said nothing else, simply closing her eyes. She stretched herself out, to feel that connection to the Force, and wasn’t disappointed. It rose to meet her, thrumming in everything and filling her entirely. Cautiously, she tugged on her connection to  _ him _ , pulling the threads that wove them together closer, and wrapping them in the currents that flowed around her. 

 

He felt it then. A thrumming ebb and flow that lit the dark and cast shadows in the light—that wrapped itself around hearts and lungs and was instrumental in their palpations. It secured boulders to forest floors and held up trees as tall as the sky, weaving together everything and holding it together, while constantly moving itself. She felt him seep into it as soon as he felt it. It was a hot, burning feeling. He felt like a flood of fire, but he cooled within the currents and sighed in relief. 

 

They stayed there longer than either of them intended, bathing in each other’s presence and sharing passion, peace and connection. She tugged on the connection a long while later, not wanting to rip him out of something so delicate and good. He tugged back, though she could feel his reluctance crawling up her own skin. 

 

_ The research I did earlier today. _ He spoke first.  _ Ancient texts that I salvaged...that I keep hidden. They talk about the will of the Force, and the nature of the Balance between light and dark.  _

 

_ And what does it say? _

 

_ There cannot be one without the other. And when there is too much of one, the Force will create what it needs to correct the imbalance.  _ He cast his eyes down, fists clenched. For the first time, though, the frustration and rage were…normal. He wasn’t flashing out of control. Instead of the malcontent of thousands, he held only the malcontent of one.  _ It’s not much, but...I think you are what the Force created to correct for me.  _ There was an edge of bitterness.  _ I don’t understand why it decided to pursue it like this. Making me reliant on you instead of having you kill me. _

 

_ It’s like you said.  _ She murmured, soft awe and realization creeping into her voice.  _ There cannot be one without the other.  _

 

_ But you— _ He shook his head.  _ All you do is pull me into the light.  _

 

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow.  _ All you do is rip my nerves raw, tugging me into darkness.  _ She sniffed.  _ You don’t think there’s significance to that? _

 

He frowned at her. Then, abruptly, he straightened. “What are you doing here?” He snapped.

 

“The Supreme Leader requires your presence.” A haughty, nasal voice sneered from somewhere behind her. She whipped around, and could see everything. In front of her was a tall, pale, redheaded man with a glare brimming with hatred affixed to his unpleasant face. 

 

“I’ll be there shortly.”

 

“Your failures have shortened your leash, Ren.” Admiral Hux crowed. “He asked for you now, and you’re to go to him immediately. He made himself clear.”

 

Dread pooled in her stomach. Kylo Ren was resolutely not meeting her eyes. What she’d done to him...it had consequences.

 

Rey frowned, but he was gone. The air was empty around her, like the Force itself had left a hole where Ben—Kylo Ren— was supposed to be. She stood, shaking her head. He was refusing to see anything beyond what he’d been taught...no, brainwashed into, and she was too unlearned to see clearly. He had access to millenia of information, and she only had the Force itself, yet he was the one refusing to search. Refusing to see. 

 

Her stomach growled ferociously and she looked down at it, frowning. She’d eaten so recently...hadn’t she? Glancing at the monitor pad, her eyebrows shot up. She’d been in here for hours, just sitting with him. Still, it was remarkable how quickly the body became accustomed to having a proper amount of food. Regular meals were a luxury on Jakku and she’d known not to expect them. Now, her stomach was like a timer. It hailed her three times a day to remind her that she’d likely never be able to re-acclimate to Jakku or their predatory way of life. She could never truly go back. Not for long. 

 

She traipsed out of the training room and walked straight into Finn and Poe, who’d been on their way to her. “You’ve almost missed lunch. It’s not like you.”

 

“I was meditating and lost track of time.” She told them honestly. They started walking towards their ramshackle mess hall. Their accomodations were sparse. They’d opted to spend their limited funds on sustenance, firepower and machinery rather than shelter. She couldn’t say she disagreed with the choice. “Ever since I left Luke, I’ve been searching for my own path.” They nodded. They knew this. She’d mentioned her disappointment with the Jedi teachings. “I don’t believe that the kind of Peace that the Jedi dictate exists. Detachment is this weird figment of their creation, and I don’t know where it came from. Honestly, I wish I’d stayed longer just so that I could have read more of the ancient texts. All I can really do is meditate until I find something to point me in the right direction.”

 

“And today…” Poe prompted. 

 

“Today brought me closer.” She admitted, a small smile tickling the corners of her mouth. “I’ve come to understand certain ineffable truths. Well...understand might be a stretch. But I know they’re there.”

 

“Like what?” Finn asked. She stared at him, nibbling her lip in thought and trying to find the best way to explain. 

 

“What happens when you light a candle?” She asked. Her boys glanced at each other, eyebrows raised. 

 

“You create light?” Poe guessed. She could tell that he thought the answer was stupid, but she nodded enthusiastically. 

 

“You do! But what else?” They just stared at her, at a loss for words. “Picture a dark room. You light a candle. Maybe you light a hundred. What do you see?” She explained. 

 

“Light flickering on the walls?” Poe tried again. She gestured for him to keep going. “A sort of orange tint…”

 

“And between the flickering light?”

 

“It casts shadows.” Finn muttered suddenly. “The light can’t reach every space. It casts shadows.”

 

“Exactly.” 

 

“So light can’t exist without dark, but dark can consume everything? Sounds depressing.” Finn mumbled. 

 

“There’s more. When the sun goes down, what happens?” She asked them excitedly. Poe was staring at her like she was either brilliant and he hadn’t seen it yet, or she was absolutely insane. 

 

“It gets dark. Difficult to see.” Finn played along, and Poe nodded, humoring her. Her eyes twinkled. 

 

“And then?” They shrugged, clearly not following her. She chuckled. “Do it again. Pretend it’s night, and that it just fell totally dark. What can you see when it’s completely dark outside?”

 

Poe froze. “Stars.”

 

She smiled brilliantly. “There are some kinds of light you can  _ only _ see when it’s dark. Light that’s more pure, and untainted—natural and free.” 

 

“So you’re saying—and correct me if I’m wrong—that you can’t create light without creating dark, and even in the dark there’s some light.” She nodded, pleased that she’d explained herself. 

 

“That’s not entirely true though. You can create pure light, and you can be in literal total darkness.”

 

“The point isn’t that total light and total darkness are possible. The point is that those two polar opposites aren’t  _ desirable _ . It’s imbalanced. The Jedi order is like locking yourself in a solitary white-walled room with an amplified arc light. The dark side—the Sith—is like turning all of your hatred and anger into this big stupid black box, throwing it into an abyss and sitting there forever.” 

 

Finn snorted. “I know which one I’d choose.”

 

“Do you?” She asked. “Consider this...that light room. You’re not allowed to form attachments to anyone. You’re not allowed to love, or feel any sort of passion, or seek any sort of relief from the blinding white light all around you. You have to accept it and, for the most part, remain alone.” His brow furrowed. “They put you in that room when you’re a child, ideally. Before you can learn to love your parents, or hope for greatness. It’s just you and that room until the day you die. The darkness...even though it’s constraining, the walls aren’t solid. You can connect to people outside those walls, and feel passion enough to fuel them. You can love someone enough to fear their loss with your entire soul. You can have expectations enough to feel pain when you’re let down.” She shook her head. “I’ve been alone all my life, but now that I have you two...I have you. And General Organa. And, to some degree, Luke. I would mourn you, if you died. You came back for me, and we’ve healed together. You’re a part of me now, and the addition of you has made me to big for that white room.” 

 

Finn and Poe blushed awkwardly, casting their eyes down and away respectively with matching affectionate smiles. “Yeah, so no Jedi Order for you.” Poe stated gruffly. “You’re stuck with us.”

 

They sat there for a moment, smiling at each other affectionately as her two dearest friends absorbed her words. 

 

“So…” Finn started slowly. She turned to him. “Your meditations are seeking...what exactly? It sounds like you already know your path.”

 

She pursed her lips. “Sort of. It’s a little abstract. It’s treacherous, you know? I...before I go further, I want to know how to keep myself from slipping. In either direction. The dark is seductive, after all. I’ve seen it for myself. In abandoning all darkness and seeking only peace, the Jedi created a code. The Sith created one in response, espousing darkness. I want to create one for myself.” She bit her lip, knowing that what came next could displease her friends. “And for him. For Kylo Ren.”

 

Finn dropped his forehead to the table with a hard smack. “What the f—”

 

“He thinks—and he told me this—that the Force creates what it needs to maintain balance.” She told him quickly, slightly worried for his forehead. She felt a violent yank on their bond. He didn’t want her to tell them what he’d said. She sent him something back—a small flutter of reassurance—before closing their connection with (if it had been a door) a gentle  _ click _ . 

 

“So he’s dark and you’re light?” Poe guessed. “Doesn’t that seem a little...um…”

 

“Patricidal maniac justification-like?” Finn grunted.

 

“I was going to say...obvious. Or simplistic. I was deciding which one made more sense when he interrupted me.” Poe smiled. 

 

“It does. And I don’t think he can stay where he is on theoretical spectrum if this is going to work. That’s why I’ve been hoping so  _ hard _ that he’s still got more Ben Solo in him.”

 

Poe nodded, comprehension slowly washing over him. “Well I honestly don’t know. He’s...I don’t know. I a little unhinged. But if you find it, I’ll trust you. And help you. Obviously.” 

 

Finn glanced between them, and smacked his head down on the table once more. “We’re all gonna die.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Kylo.” 

 

“Salvis.” He greeted the woman cooly. His knights were convening today, for the first time in months. They’d been called back from their posts after the destruction of Starkiller, but had been re-deployed only a week later. 

 

“How are your injuries?” Salvis Ren inquired, an almost gentle note to her voice. 

 

“Healing well.” He assured her. 

 

Vestis, Tyvis, Messida, Quaisel and Nero were already in attendance, and they were waiting on one more. “And your resolve?” Quaisel—the youngest—asked quietly. The air in the room tightened, and Kylo narrowed his eyes.

 

“What do you mean, Quaisel?” He murmured with all the softness of an impending murder. 

 

“You murdered your father, Master. That would shake anyone. I’m simply inquiring in concern. We’ll always be behind you.” Quaisel reminded him. Quaisel—Q, he was called in training and in private—was a gentle soul, and he often reaped the benefit of their reluctant fondness. 

 

“I did what I had to do.” He growled. There was a tug at the back of his mind.  _ Not now. _

 

_ Who are they? _

 

_ Truly, it’s none of your business. _

 

_ You can always shut me out.  _ She shrugged. He pursed his lips, annoyed. 

 

“Is everything alright?” Salvis inquired. She was a beautiful woman—dark hair and dark eyes, pointed features and high cheekbones. Even her battle scars lent themselves to her enhancement. She was danger and fury embodied, and Rey let him know she thought so with a murmur of fear and awe whispering over the back of his mind. Only someone who knew her well would be able to pick up that pinprick of concern in her eyes.

 

“I…” He scowled.  _ I should tell them. _ He wasn’t sure why she was informing her of his intent. He could do as he pleased.

 

Across the galaxy, she jolted in alarm. _ Are you insane?  _

 

_ I can trust them. _ Now he was  _ justifying _ himself?

 

_ You told me two days ago that you don’t have anyone you can trust. _

 

_ I didn’t have them two days ago. _ He muttered. _ Most of the time, they’re far flung and impossibly hard to reach. It can take months to send them a single communication. _

 

_ But you trust them. _

 

_ I have regularly trusted them with my life. _ Kylo informed her dully.  _ If this bond starts causing problems, it will undoubtedly affect them as well. They’re—they’re important to me, in a way. _

 

Rey gave him an unimpressed glance.  _ Is it really so hard for you to admit that you care about someone? You’re worried about them. _

 

_ They’re my responsibility. That’s all.  _

 

_ Fine. But they’re worried about you. They’re looking at you like you’re a leaking radiation seal.  _ She smirked before backing out of their bond (but not completely—just enough to not be here for this uncomfortable conversation). 

 

“Kylo?” Messida called his attention. He grimaced. “What’s going on?”

 

“We should wait. Aro isn’t here yet.” He reminded them. “I’d rather not repeat what I have to say.”

 

His Knights fell silent, but continued to stare him down.  _ Come to think of it, weren’t you the one who insisted that telling my friends was a bad idea? _ Rey burst back into his mind. His jaw clenched, and he exhaled noisily through his nose in sheer irritation.  _ You can’t blame me for being nervous.  _

 

_ I can blame you for being irritating. And distracting. My Knights are trustworthy. They won’t do anything to harm me. They are loyal to me above all else. _

 

_ They might do something to harm me though.  _ She fretted quietly. 

 

_ That would harm me. _ He reminded her dully. She jolted in surprise.  _ It’s not an emotional sentiment. Did you already forget what happened after your tousle on Dantooine?  _

 

He imagined that she blushed thoroughly when embarrassment flooded their bond.  _ Oh. You meant literally. _

 

_ Just because we’re bonded doesn’t mean I can or will place your wellbeing above my own. To preserve myself is paramount. _ He reminded her coldly.  _ Our connection, though fascinating, is a troublesome thing, and if I work to guard you, I do so to guard myself in kind. You, yourself, mean little. _

 

Disappointment was an odd feeling, especially when it wasn’t his own. It ricocheted through the bond messily, slipping on invisible strings. It was odd that she expected anything of him at all. Just because their bond seemed to tether and soothe him, didn’t mean that he was anything other than what he was. Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, Apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke, and Commander General of the First Order. And she was nobody—a scavenger plucked from Jakku by coincidence. If anything the bond, and by extension her presence, was a means to weaken him. His power came from his pain and fury, and she doused his flames with her hopefulness and exuberance. The physical ramifications were also a nuisance, but at least when she got injured he could fortify himself with the pain. Unless, of course, it was so encompassing that it amplified between them and crippled him. Had she taken the shot from the Wookie’s (‘ _ Chewbacca’s _ ’ His mind whispered traitorously) bowcaster, he’d have been destroyed along with the base in mere moments. 

 

_ My mistake. _ She murmured. 

 

Her presence slipped away from him, and he clenched his jaw against the emptiness. It was  _ ludicrous _ to be so put at ease by an enemy—to seek peace in her as she sough passion in him. To find clarity in the rhythm of her breath. 

 

Aro Ren joined them—a tall, lithe, imposing man with pale blond hair swept back from jagged features. Though Kylo Ren was the son of royalty, Aro held the beauty that was exalted in the old legends of royalty and heroism. Where Kylo was a mercenary, Aro was a politician—a lure to the eye who was ready with a knife for the heart. 

 

“Sorry I’m late. I was detained.” Aro told them casually. He had an ease and grace to him. 

 

“Nothing serious, I hope.” Kylo asked.

 

“One of your stormtroopers tried to inspect the contents of my cruiser.” Aro informed him. “He may be in need of reprogramming.”

 

“I’ll inform Phasma. Did you get their registry number?” 

 

“HL-667.” Aro took his seat. 

 

“Enough.” Salvis snapped. “Aro’s here now. What were you going to tell us?” She demanded. Kylo turned his gaze to her. “Sorry Master.” She averted her gaze. “You...there’s something different about you. I find myself of two minds. I’m both relieved and concerned.”

 

His eyes softened. “Truthfully, I have been keeping something to myself since the destruction of Starkiller.” He took a survey of the faces before him. He was surprised to find concern etched on each one. He supposed he shouldn’t have been. These seven were the closest he’d had to family since he’d taken his leave of Skywalker’s temple. “When the girl—the force sensitive one—was in my interrogation, I entered her mind in pursuit of Skywalker’s location. Within moments, and completely untrained, she forced her own way into my mind as well.” 

 

“You told us this when we last convened.” Aro murmured. “It’s not like you to skirt an issue, Master.”

 

“It seems that we—the girl and I—created a Force Bond by accident.” The words felt like sandpaper in his mouth.

 

There was silence at the table. Messida Ren, who was tiny, black haired and white (and he ment  _ white— _ the color of fresh cream _ ) _ , spoke first. “What do you mean? In what manifestation? Can she see all that you see? Or does she simply appear as a vision?” Messida was a sponge for knowledge, and had soaked up every holotext and physical book she’d seen. Lord Snoke had granted her a library, and a small island to call her own. There, she could study as long as she pleased, so long as she came when called. It had proved useful over the years, and she’d provided them with technique and training, insight and help as readily as planets provided gravity.

 

“It’s quite...strong.” He admitted, spitting the words like venom. “I can see her, and she can see me. We can communicate. She can see my surroundings and I hers, unless we’re careful. We can simply speak as though through a commlink, or we can converse as though we were speaking in person. We can feel each other’s emotions. We can even feel each other’s sensations.”

 

His knights were, for lack of a better word, shocked. “Kriff.” Salvis swore softly. 

 

“Kylo…” Messida breathed. Aro was staring at him, mouth gently ajar with something that looked like horror. 

 

“I’m quite certain,” He began through gritted teeth. “That if she were to die, I would soon follow.”

 

Quaisel unleashed a small sound of distress. “Why do you think that?” He prodded. 

 

“She left her training with Skywalker. She dislikes the practices of the Jedi Order. She finds them contradictory and poorly conceived. Unfortunately, she rejoined the Resistance. About a month ago, she was involved in the skirmish on Dantooine. She was caught off guard, and a Stormtrooper impaled her through the sternum on some scrapped sheet metal. I felt every moment of it. Worse, as I felt her pain, she felt mine, and it fed between us in an infinite loop. Ultimately, I had to tell her to cauterize her wounds with her lightsaber.”

 

“How do we sever it?” Tyvis hissed, leaning forward to address Messida directly. 

 

“I can start going through my library this evening.” She swore. “I’ll find something—something in the Sith texts.”

 

Undeniable dread curled through his chest, and he couldn’t quite keep the displeasure from his face. “Master…” Vestis spoke. She was, by and large, the quietest of his knights. Only speaking when a detail was going to escape their attention, and constantly searching the fringe for missing detail. “Why do you want to maintain the bond?” 

 

Silence again. Their eyes honed in on him again. “Kylo?” Salvis demanded. There was a note of panic to her voice. It had been almost a decade since he’d heard any such thing from her. Back then, she called him Ben. He swallowed. 

 

“I’m not sure that I do.” He told them seriously. “I am unsure of anything.” He scowled fiercely. The knights glanced at each other. If they were to pick an emotion to describe their collective state of mind, the commonplace term would be ‘nervous’. A Knight of Ren would never admit to such a thing. 

 

“If she’s a member of the Resistance and her pain—which is assured—causes you pain, why would you seek to maintain a bond with her?” Tyvis thundered. 

 

“She’s had an unusual effect on me. Her presence in the back of my mind all the time...it brings me peace.” Only moments ago, he’d been disparaging that effect. He was desperate to find a solution, or a decision, or something to suppress his utter confusion at his current circumstances. Kylo Ren did not  _ suffer _ confusion. 

 

“Peace is a lie. There is only passion.” Nero Ren reminded him cooly. “Or have you forgotten our years of training?”

 

Kylo leveled Nero with a scathing glare. “For most of those years, I was the one training you, Nero. You forget yourself.” Nero smirked back at him. “I’m not talking about the manufactured peace that we felt as padawans. When she lingers, I don’t feel that clawing rage. You know what I speak of. The rage that unhinges me. I don’t feel ensconced in light, but I don’t feel drowned in dark. She balances me. She’s my counter in all things. From what I’ve read, the Force created her for me.” 

 

Salvis considered him carefully, as though examining a wounded animal. “Since we left the Praxaeum on Coralis, you have only ever sought complete darkness. What changed?”

 

“If the choice is between being pulled apart by darkness and the light, I will always choose darkness.” Kylo grumbled. “But she offers something different. She makes me feel whole.” He told them uncomfortably. Normally, they only spoke of rage, bloodlust, and power. This was long-lost territory. 

 

The silence was starting to grate on him. “And I’m assuming that she’s outright rejected joining the First Order and training alongside us.” Nero snarked. “And she’s rejected Skywalker, you say? So she’s a target, she’s reckless, she’s untrained, and she’s aligning herself with a quickly dwindling Resistance.” She ticked off the unfortunate circumstances on her hand. 

 

“Your point?”

 

“If you want to maintain the bond, you either have to persuade her to join us here, or we have to leave the First Order. Betray Snoke and run.” Quaisel muttered, looking a little green. 

 

“We?” Kylo snapped. “You will do no such thing. I’m simply informing you so that  _ if _ I decide to go, you will be prepared and protected.”

 

Salvis and Aro fixed him with fiery glares. “If you think for one  _ second _ that we’re letting you leave without us—” Aro began.

 

“Kriff, if you think that we’d let you defect  _ alone _ —” Salvis continued, to make it sound a little less self-serving.

 

“You’re insane.” He finished, shooting Salvis a glare. 

 

“You forget what you have at stake.” Kylo murmured to Salvis. She blanched. “Were you to defect, your losses would be far greater than mine. He can’t seem to consistently locate the scavenger. And anyone else who I care for is in this room. If he believes you to be loyal to him, he won’t harm you. He’d send you after me.”

 

“And we wouldn’t carry out his orders, because you’re our leader, not him.” Quaisel snapped. 

 

“This is starting to sound more like a plan than a theoretical defection.” Vestis commented mildly, just to keep them updated on their own conversation. 

 

“It isn’t.” Kylo snapped. “I’m sure of nothing, and I won’t act on anything until I am.” 

 

“Does she call you Kylo Ren?” Vestis asked curiously. He tried not to visibly cringe.

 

“It depends on how angry she is with me.” He told them wryly. “After I helped her with her wound, she started defaulting to my dead name. I can’t remember the last person I deemed fit to live after using that name, but I can’t seem to convince her that he’s gone.” He glowered at the table. 

 

“You haven’t really convinced  _ us _ that he’s gone either.” Nero murmured. “The Supreme Leader and Hux are the only fools to believe that you are Kylo Ren in totality, and even The Supreme Leader knows that a part of you still has to remember to turn away from Ben Solo.”

 

A wave of fury welled up in him. “Watch yourself, Nero. I may be fractured, but I’m no Jedi. Mercy is not in my nature.”

 

“No? Then why is the girl still alive? This bond was fledgling when you faced her, wasn’t it? You could have killed her then and the effect would have been minimal. Your desire to teach her—to preserve a new Force sensitive and make her strong—has made put you in a bind that you’re unlikely to escape.” She sneered. “Or maybe it was the conflict you felt when you killed your father. Your love for him weakened you and you showed mercy to his new protege?” 

 

As a rule, the Knights of Ren did not settle disputes with lightsabers or the Force. Kylo was hard-pressed to follow that rule at the moment. “If you’d like to speak plainly, Nero, I invite you to do so.” He murmured dangerously. Nero smirked. 

 

“You led us into the dark, Kylo. You forged our path and created the Knights of Ren. We put ourselves aside. We murdered friends and burned our home. We all but killed ourselves. We’re cracked, but you’re fractured.  _ Unhinged. _ ”

 

She’d said that to him. Just a few weeks ago. She’d been so cool and calm—curious and vital against his rigidity and heat. She saw him as his Knights did.  

 

“That’s enough, Nero.” Salvis barked. Nero turned her smirk to her. 

 

“I don’t think it is. Wouldn’t it be ironic—tragic, even—if he pulled us into the darkness with him and he wasn’t sure? If we slaughtered a temple full of children and teenagers at the whim of a scared boy who wanted to hurt his family? Not to mention what he did to you, Salvis. Or you, Aro.” Nero turned her acidity to Kylo’s right and left hand lieutenants.

 

“He did nothing to me. I did it myself.” Salvis hissed. “It was my choice, and I stand by it. I’m stronger for it, and my resolve is unshaken.”

 

“Let the past die.” Aro murmured, eyes slits in their regard of Nero. “Kill it, if you have to.”

 

“That’s my point.” Nero sneered. “What if we didn’t have to? If we abandon our current course, would it all not be for nothing? Wouldn’t those deaths have been in vain? We’re not just some common Sith scum, we’re Knights of Ren, and we’re working towards a goal—a greater good. That’s a given. But if the Supreme Leader is an unnecessary variable, then we killed our friends...no. We killed our  _ family _ for nothing.” 

 

Kylo paled. “Nothing has been decided. I called you here to ask for  _ help _ .”

 

She softened then, but only slightly. “Why did you turn to the dark, Kylo? You never told us what turned you away from Skywalker. You just told us that what you envisioned for the Galaxy, told us that the Force had guided your hand, and that we would learn endlessly if we came with you. We came back not two months later to obliterate the rest.”

 

“The Jedi Order and their ways are an unreasonable extreme, just as total democracy or supreme dictatorship are. As are the Sith.” Kylo intoned dully. “You already know what I’m fighting towards. What the Supreme Leader has promised me personally—power, knowledge and strength. Knowledge and worship of the Force. A galaxy where Force sensitive beings can truly take stock of all that they are capable of.” He crooned. 

 

“You’re not answering my question.” Nero snapped, standing to lean over the table. “We’ve already heard your vision for the galaxy, and we’re here for it. But why are  _ you _ here. Why not complete your training and become a Jedi, then a politician? Why kill an entire school full of Force-sensitive children if you want to open the world to more than just the light, but the dark as well? Who is there to experience it beyond us and your little scavenger girl?”

 

“Nero!” Messida snapped. “That’s enough. What happened between him and Skywalker is his business.”

 

_ “NOT IF HE’S GOING TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF OUR LIVES AGAIN.”  _ She bellowed. 

 

Kylo stared up at her, barely containing his shock at her outburst. Nero was insubordinate and loud, but always contained. She timed her strikes and out-foxed those around her. She was least likely to lose her temper at any given time. He tentatively washed his mind over the bond, and was satisfied when he brushed against a steel wall. The scavenger—constantly scrounging for chinks in his armour and flaws in his visage—wouldn’t hear of his moment of weakness. 

 

“He tried to kill me.” Kylo told her, not taking his eyes off her. “I kept telling him that something was calling me into the dark, that I was afraid. He’d told me the dark would consume me and twist me. Destroy me like the Sith of old. He told me only to resist it, and detach myself from emotion. That fear would lead me astray.” He glanced around the table, and found rapt attention. “The night we left, I had been sleeping. I heard a saber, and I woke. He was standing over me, lightsaber raised and ready to strike. I was terrified, so I listened when the Supreme Leader spoke. He whispered to me from afar, telling me exactly what to do. He told me to go to you and convince you to come with me, and promised me power and safety in return.”

 

“He tried to kill you.” Nero deadpanned, searching his face. “In your sleep. He tried to kill you in your sleep?”

 

“Kylo…” Quaisel growled. 

 

“I was furious. For weeks after I was hurt and angry and terrified. I trusted him so thoroughly. He was my uncle. And my parents had trusted him. He’d betrayed them too. Then I remembered this conversation I’d overheard when I’d still been at home on Chandrila. My mother and father were arguing, so I hid. I hate it when they fought. And then I heard my father tell my mother that he didn’t want me to train with my Uncle. “He has too much Vader in him.” He’d said. At the time, I didn’t know that Darth Vader was my grandfather. I just knew that he was considered a monster. I was terrified of becoming like him. That’s the first time I heard the Supreme Leader. Years later, when Skywalker went to kill me in my bed, I assumed that he’d been overtaken by his ties to Darth Vader—an assumption I’d carried from childhood. I loved him, loved them all, and he professed to return the sentiment before turning a sword on me. After that, I could think was that my mother had chosen to send me to this deranged man despite my father’s misgivings, and that my father had done nothing to protect me. I trusted him on their word and nearly died for it. Lord Snoke corrected me in time, and I was forced to reevaluate. My Uncle saw my grandfather’s potential in me, and sought to snuff it out. My mother saw it, which is why she sent me to train with him. My father saw it, which is why he wanted to prevent me from going. All of them saw darkness and said nothing—let me believe that what I faced was normal and that I could overcome with the help of serenity. Lord Snoke offered to take my darkness and give me something to wield against those who betray me. I accepted because I was terrified and in pain, and he was offering me the galaxy. He offered to take whatever I had and make it better and stronger than ever before.”

 

“And he has. So why turn from him now?” Vestis inquired, shooting Nero and Salvis concerned glances. They seemed positively apoplectic. “He continues to train and fortify us, so why do you doubt him? Just the girl?”

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. This was far more of a burden than he’d intended. He’d wanted to inform his Knights of the situation, discuss new operations, and commence training. He hadn’t anticipated an onslaught of questions that he was ill-prepared to answer. 

 

“I’m not sure that I am turning from him. I don’t doubt him, I doubt myself.” He admitted. “If I want darkness, I have no doubt that Lord Snoke will provide it. What concerns me is that I am unsure if total darkness is truly what I seek. I never understood balance until I stumbled across the girl, and I never craved it. I’m not longer tempted by the light. I’m tempted by her presence. By the peace she brings to my mind when I’m fueled by rage. The clarity is astounding, and a resounding fortification. I’m no longer blinded by fury when a slight or failure is passed, and it’s relieving. Like offering Zima to a Rathtar.” 

 

Messida examined him for a long while before speaking to the room. “Did you know that the earliest Jedi—the Je’daii—focused purely on balance?” Her tone was conversational, but her eyes were surgical, cutting through each of them. Kylo turned his eyes to her, feigning casual interest but roiling with curiosity. 

 

“Do tell.”

 

“They lived on a planet that was heavily influenced by the balances and imbalances of the Force. Should the scale tip too far in one direction, the entire planet would inform them by procuring earthquakes that leveled their cities and storms that destroyed their lives. They would have to rebalance and recommence each time the fulcrum gave way.” She told them as though telling a bedtime story to children. “They had two moons, and it influenced their understanding of the Force. Ashla and Bogan, light and dark respectively, were tethered to the planet Tython, which represented balance. A practitioner who fell too far to one side was banished to the opposite temple to meditate until their balance was restored. Somewhere along the way, the Je’daii split into two factions, and largely had to depart Tython for fear of consumption and destruction. Je’daii devotees to Ashla became the Jedi, and devotees to Bogan became the Sith.”

 

“Do you have a point?” Kylo asked (not unkindly). “Or are you regaling us with a history lesson for a reason?”

 

Nero shot him an annoyed look. “She’s saying that maybe Snoke has taught you all he can, and now it’s time for you to learn from your little scavenger girl.”

 

“Us.” Messida corrected delicately. Nero stiffened.

 

“Pardon?” 

 

“Maybe it’s time for  _ us _ to join the Kylo’s scavenger and carve out something lasting. We’re seeking stability and effect, aren’t we? Order and balance that lasts? Maybe we need to find the girl who’s pulling Kylo into the grey, and follow him there.”

 

“It’s an idea.” Tyvis grunted. He was a burly man, ruled by instinct but easily swayed by reason. 

 

“A terrible one.” Nero sniped.

 

“Lord Snoke would be furious.” Quaisel reminded them. “He’s already furious with you, Master.” He turned unacceptably concerned eyes to Kylo. 

 

“He’s right.” Salvis admitted in an ashamed murmur. “Not a week ago, he asked me if I perceived weakness in you. If I felt I could cut you down should your weakness overtake you.”

 

Cold shot through him. “You failed to mention that.”

 

“Because it’s ludicrous and I would never harm you.” She sniffed. “Were you distracted by that knowledge, you’d be in far more danger than if I simply kept it from you.”

 

“He’s trying to turn us against him?” Aro sneered. “He must think highly of his hold on us.”

 

Despite his faithful Knights and their assurances of their loyalty, dread seeped into Kylo’s skin and skittered through his veins. “He wants me dead.” He murmured. 

 

“Not yet.” Salvis reminded him. “It was a hypothetical. Just in case you fell too far from his graces.”

 

“Then maybe now is exactly the right time to leave.” Vestis suggested. 

 

Though Vestis’ logic was sound as ever, Kylo narrowed his eyes.

 

“Not yet.”

* * *

 

On the other side of the galaxy, Rey was sequestered in her room. Poe had sought her out for a meal—she was unsure if it was breakfast or lunch—but she’d turned him away.  _ Kylo _ . She reminded herself, now fortified.  _ He’s Kylo Ren, and he only cares about you as far as he cares about himself. _

 

The wall between them, though draining, was effective. She felt him wash up against it at one point, but it had only been once. Whatever he and his Knights were discussing had probably moved past the bond into something they enjoyed discussing. Like murder. 

 

She was surprised (and reluctantly grateful) that he had someone to confide and trust in. The Knights of Ren were legendary for their terrorism, but if he could put faith in them, they couldn’t be all bad. She’d seen how he interacted with Admiral Hux on more than one occasion. Everything about the First Order seemed adversarial, not unlike fighting for the best scrap metal on Jakku. 

 

Leia knew about their bond in the broadest of terms (Poe had done her a solid and failed to mention that they had chats and trained together), but she didn’t truly feel that there was anyone to have her back. Finn was too annoyed with the whole situation to be much help, and Poe looked like he’d eaten a lemon every time Rey went quiet. General Organa was force sensitive, but had consciously chosen not to enhance her skill. She would have no idea how to contain, block, or break the bond, and she would very likely put her in a box if she found out just how strong their connection was. She may love her son, but the woman was committed to her cause. 

 

She couldn’t talk to Luke either. He was a reluctant instructor to begin with. The moment she felt a spark of anything that resembled passion, he walked away. She didn’t want to guess what he’d do if he knew that his nephew was teaching her saber skills and meditating with her between bouts of planetary destruction. 

 

In any case, if he was distracted with them he’d be leaving her alone. The good times keep coming. 

 

“Rey!” Poe hollered from behind her. She swung her head to look at him. “Want to run a resupply mission with me tonight?”

 

Her face lit up. The Falcon had been idling sadly since they’d returned from Dantooine, and she’d been going stir crazy now that her chest was functional again. “Where?” She asked excitedly. 

 

“Chandrila.” He grinned. “It’s where General Organa was living before everything went sideways. It’s gorgeous, Rey, and if we have time they have a library that’s a hundred stories with the oldest texts in the galaxy, paper  _ and  _ holo.” He grinned. 

 

“Chandrila...is that safe?” She asked. It had been under First Order occupation since the beginning of the war, and the presence had only grown thicker. Known for food exports, Chandrilan tea had inflated massively since the trade restrictions and blockades, and she wasn’t entirely sure how they’d get past them. 

 

“On the Falcon, I think we could do it.”

 

“Why not a smaller cruiser? Something that could slip past a TIE blockade.”

 

“Well X-Wings are pretty conspicuous. I don’t think we have anything else. Nothing that isn’t essentially scrap.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“The innards of an old B-82 ShadowCaster. Scraps from a TIE hull, scraps from a Gauntlet hull…”

 

Rey nearly salivated. “Show me.” She insisted. He chuckled in disbelief, but led her to the hangar. Way in the back, being stripped for parts by two women in matching necklaces, was a veritable treasure trove of shipwreck. “We’re not taking the Falcon. Show me the innards of the ShadowCaster. Are they set aside?”

 

“Yeah, ShadowCaster internal mechanisms aren’t widely compatible with other cruisers and fighters.” Poe grumbled. “It’s in bad shape though, Rey. It’s probably like...a few decades old. Plus with exposure to the elements, I mean...Genassa’s climate is a killer for hyperdrives.”

 

“I’ve spent my literal life looking for salvageable scrap that will function in a pinch, Poe.” She deadpanned. “Show me the bloody ShadowCaster.”

 

He did. And it was a thing of beauty. A little rusty and worn out, but the finesse in the details was impeccable. “We’re taking this.” She told him. He raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Rey...we’re going tonight.” He told her slowly. “And we’ll be gone for a few days. That thing’s gotta hold up under a hell of a lot of vacuum, and we need to slip by during the blockade’s night cycles. I don’t think we’ve got that kind of time.”

 

“If I don’t finish it, we’ll risk the Falcon.” She allowed. He bit his lip, thinking it over, before finally conceding.

 

“You have like...ten hours.”

 

She set herself to work immediately—taking stock of what was and wasn’t there, and then nearly diving into the scrap pile to search for what she needed. She loved the Falcon, but it was impossible to fly anywhere near First Order occupied space. Kylo was like a bloodhound for the damn thing. But a ShadowCaster was the stuff of dreams, and they were used by good guys and bad guys alike. 

 

She ended up so lost in her work that she didn’t notice when he slipped back into her head.  _ What on earth is that thing? _ He sneered in distaste. 

 

“Oh hush. It’s a project.” She muttered. “What are you doing back here anyways? I thought I was ‘a troublesome thing who means little.” 

 

He pursed his lips.  _ You opened the bond. I thought I would let you know that my Knights, as always, have offered to go the extra mile in subverting attention and harm from you. _

 

“You mean from  _ you _ .” She was soldering a cluster of wire together, and couldn’t look at him for fear of singeing herself.

 

_ Messida has offered to research ways to sever us.  _ He told her.

 

_ Hm. Then you can go right back to trying to laser shred me at every opportunity. How wonderful. _ She felt his fingers ghost over his scar.  _ Defending myself right in front of you is far different from a long range ventral cannon. _

 

_ If I were to kill you, it would not be with something as unsatisfying as a ventral cannon.  _ He assured her. 

 

_ Oh good. I’ll see you coming. _ A murmur of trepidation trickled through her skull. She may have been joking, but it suddenly occurred to her that if the bond was broken, there would be no reason for him to let her live. She would symbolize another weakness. One that he would kill to leave it the past like his father.

 

He must have felt the trepidation, because quite suddenly he was in front of her.  _ You’re not actually afraid of me, are you? _

 

She stopped, glancing up at him incredulously.  _ You’re joking. _

 

_ Don’t get me wrong, I desperately want you to be afraid of me, but you’ve never given me anything of the sort. It would be such a shame if you started now.  _

 

_ The only reason I’m not afraid of you  _ **_now_ ** _ is because we’re both currently under the impression that if one of us dies, both of us will die. _ Rey explained slowly.  _ If you find a way to sever the bond, I’m done. You find us, you kill your mother, then—since I’m almost always  _ **_with_ ** _ your mother—you’ll kill me. Tell me I’m wrong.  _

 

He frowned. “You’re wrong.”

 

“Bullshit.”

 

He studied her like she was an enigma.  _ At the present, I have no desire to kill you—bond or otherwise. In any case, I declined Messida’s offer. And they want to meet you.  _

 

Rey paled.  _ What. _

 

_ In a more abstract sense of the word. The next time we meditate, they want to be present.  _

 

_ Why in the name of… _

 

_ I told them everything. They’re curious. And since we’re beholden to each other, we agreed to put all the information on the table before making any drastic decisions. _

 

_ Like what?  _ She prodded, now genuinely curious.

 

_ Like Nero Ren challenging me for my station as Master of the Knights of Ren.  _ He said calmly, as though fights to the death were an everyday occurrence. She supposed that for him, they might be. 

 

_ Didn’t you just say you could trust them? _

 

_ I highly doubt Nero will challenge me for anything. She threatens a lot, but she doesn’t enjoy command the way she enjoys her...other duties.  _

 

_ I’m afraid to ask. _

 

_ I would advise against it.  _ He agreed. 

 

_ When would this lovely group meditation session take place.  _

 

_ Within the next couple of days, ideally.  _

 

_ I can’t. _

 

He frowned.  _ You’ve been stuck in your base for over a month, and you meditate daily.  _

 

_ I’m leaving the base. Just for a few days.  _ She told him. 

 

_ Where are you going? _ She raised an eyebrow.  _ I won’t come after you. But I’d like to know which leashes to pull if I suddenly need to save your skin. _

 

_ Our skin. _

 

_ Semantics.  _

 

_ Or, you could pull  _ **_all_ ** _ the leashes, and not attack any Resistance cruisers.  _ She smirked as though she’d told a joke. He rolled his eyes.  _ It’s an in-and-out supply run. That’s all.  _

 

On his side of the connection, something caught his attention. Peering through his eyes, she watched as he caught a training saber that was tossed in his direction. She took a look at his clothes, only now noticing that his arms were bare, and that he was wearing a lightweight tunic and pants—nothing like his usual, heavy threaded attire. Their training room was vast. In the far corner, Salvis and Tyvis were already sparring, electricity cracking across their training blades and sweat dripping down their faces. 

 

_ I did offer to teach you, once.  _ He shot her an almost amused sidelong glance as he settled into his attack stance. His hips were dropped low and his knees were bent, his body tilted forward, and his saber in hand. His other arm was curled into a fist and held stiff across the back of his saber arm.  _ It allows for more power, and better defense. _ He explained. When Aro charged him, he demonstrated. With his arm in that position, he blocked the defense, and forced Aro’s saber down before swinging his saber arm around to strike the other man in the shoulder. 

 

She watched as Aro crumpled down, but then slipped low and struck Kylo around the calf, spinning before bending to ratchet his leg up and kick his leader in the chest. Kylo easily caught Aro’s leg and shoved him off.  _ Don’t you have a supply run to prepare for? _ He asked. She blushed when she realized she’d been watching them in rapt attention. She couldn’t help it. They were beautiful, and full of deadly grace and brilliance.

 

_ Be careful _ . She heard him whisper before she closed the connection. She smiled. Maybe he did care. 


	4. Chapter 4

By the time night fell, she’d completed the repairs on the cruiser. Poe was staring at it, aghast. “It’s a little scrappy on the inside, but the important parts all work.” She smiled, pleased with herself. 

 

“Rey...that thing was a pile of wires, parts, and scrap this morning.” Poe turned his wide-eyed stare to her, flabbergasted. “How…”

 

“You just need to know what goes where. And have a lightsaber to weld it all together.” She admitted. He was shaking his head, still in awe. “We should take it for a test run before we go anywhere. Make sure everything is working. Can you grab a system scanner?” 

 

He nodded dumbly before sauntering off. She turned her proud gaze to the ShadowCaster. It wasn’t the Falcon, but the Falcon wasn’t really hers. Now that it was complete, she’d blocked Kylo...Ben...out. She couldn’t risk him seeing it. 

 

Not that he would hurt her. 

 

And she was  _ very _ proud of it.

 

She shook her head. He wouldn’t care. And they were about to fly out—she couldn’t risk him knowing where the base was. All bets were off once she left for Chandrila. 

 

“Wow.” Poe was back, and he had Finn and Jessika in tow. It was Jessika who’d spoken. Rey didn’t really know her, but the woman was one hell of a tactician. “I saw what you were working with this morning...you did this in a day?”

 

“Not even a whole day! Ten hours!” Poe cried. “I mean, come  _ on _ . Look at that thing!” 

 

It truly was a thing of beauty. A little rough around the edges, but ready and willing to be polished. 

 

“It’s amazing, Rey.” Finn told her seriously. 

 

“Ready for the test run? I made some modifications. If they work, you’ll love it.” Rey grinned. Poe’s eyes lit up, and he danced his way to the mouth of the ship. 

 

The engines fired. Everything seemed to be in working order. The drag flaps were working, the electromotive stabilizer seemed to be functioning, and she could hear the converter coils humming happily from below the cockpit. She gave Poe a delighted grin, and he returned it tenfold. 

 

As soon as they were out of the hangar, the fun began. 

 

In moments, they were slicing through the air hauling quickly and powerfully into the sky. She wasn’t a pilot for the resistance (she could be, but she wasn’t), but she knew all of the codes for their tactical maneuvers. “Quoal One.” She told him. His smile brightened. He disengaged the thrusters and then they were falling. She was pleased to note that the stabilizers held, and that they were falling straight down instead of tumbling through the sky. Seconds before they hit the ground, Rey pulled up viciously and Poe reengaged the thrusters, and they shot forward, skimming the ground at a perfect parallel. 

 

“HELL YEAH!” He hollered. “Let’s take her for a climb and see how she does with Upper Atmo.” 

 

“You got it!” She pulled back on the controls, pointing them straight up. They shot upward. 

 

“De-icers are functional.” He noted as they climbed. “Stabilization’s looking good, controls are fuckin’ great. Heat and deflector shields are running beautifully. Rey.” He stared at her in near-adoration. “You did it.”

 

She preened. She couldn’t help it. “Let’s get back to base, grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.” She laughed. 

 

The flight system scan came back clean, and Poe loved her ship. Maybe more than his beloved X-Wing. “You gotta name it.” He told her. “Before we take her anywhere, she’s gotta have a name.”

 

She stared at it long and hard. “The Spectre.” She decided. It was a ShadowCaster, after all. And it was risen from the dead. 

 

“Ominous. And sexy. I like it.” Poe grinned. He clapped her on the shoulder. “May it be as swift and silent as the name suggests.”

  
  


They’d had a protocol droid bring them dinner in the training room. They were abandoning composure for the evening and eating on the floor. After they were done, they would slip right back into training. 

 

Vestis had recently made a saberstaff for herself. When they trained together, they always traded weapons. He’d been using it for an hour and he could already tell that his forearms would be damnably sore. He wondered if she’d feel that, too. 

 

“Are you going to tell her what you told us? About Skywalker?” Salvis asked him. He shook his head. “Why?”   
  


“She wouldn’t believe me. Skywalker is her mentor, and I’m the monster who killed his own father. She’s better off hearing it from him.” 

 

She snorted indelicately. “If he’s coward enough to try to kill you in your sleep, he’s hardly going to have the stones to tell the only jedi left that there’s a reason that she should leave.”

 

“Maybe so.” He allowed, taking a quick sip of water. “She doesn’t trust me, though. It’s a good instinct. She’d never take my word outright, and the thought of her hollering at me in my own head is enough to dissuade me.” 

 

Tyvis barked out a laugh. Kylo shot him a nasty look. “It’s just unlike you to show restraint. Verbally or physically. You usually just cut to the bone on sight.”

 

He pinched his lips together in distaste. “There are more immediate consequences now. If I upset her, she ensures that I have a skull splitting headache for hours.” His eyes darted away. “And I’m trying to reign in my temper. It’s easier when she’s there. I don’t feel so out of control.”

 

Messida and Quaisel were blank faced, as always, but their eyes seemed to be  _ twinkling _ in his direction. Nero retched exaggeratedly. “God, when did you become such a sap?” Her icy blue eyes raked over him. Nero had joined him because she loved him. That had long faded, and she’d taken to the dark as soon as she’d let it in. She reveled in it, and she was stronger for it. She retained a distaste for senseless death, but relished doling out pain. 

 

“Self preservation isn’t weakness.” He grunted, irritated. “Besides, Hux is much less  _ involved _ in my day-to-day now that I’m not tearing up his ships anymore.” 

 

“Where is she now?” Vestis asked. 

 

“Not sure. She said she was going on a resupply mission. Since I don’t know what system she’s in or what planet she’s on, I’m not sure where she’s headed.”

 

“What if she’s injured? Or cornered?” Salvis snapped. 

 

“When she split her sternum open, she apologized for causing me pain, and in the same breath told me that she wouldn’t say where she was because our pain, though regrettable, didn’t matter. And that when she thought she was going to die.” He sneered. “A martyr if I ever saw one.”

 

“Kriff.” Salvis groaned, slumping back and lying flat on the floor. “We’re all going to die.”

 

_ Funny. That’s what Finn said.  _ Kylo jerked violently, sloshing the water out of his cup.  _ Sorry! _ She giggled fiercely.

 

_ How long have you been listening? _ He snapped. 

 

_ Just enough to hear that you’re all going to die. We’re all going to die. Whatever. I don’t know what we’re all going to die  _ **_from_ ** _ , though. _

 

_ Your hero antics and martyrdom. _ He deadpanned. 

 

_ I’m just going on a kriffing supply run. _ She sighed.  _ No need to get your knickers in a wad. _

 

He gnashed his teeth.  _ The First Order has control over most of the Galaxy. For you, even walking outside is dangerous.  _

 

_ Well I’m hardly going to lock myself in a basement, am I?  _ She laughed.  _ Danger can’t keep me from living. This is the most living I’ve ever done.  _

 

He felt a momentary pang for her, but he crushed it as soon as it arose.  _ Just try to remember that you’re not risking your life alone.  _

 

“Kylo, are you alright?” Salvis asked, mopping up his water (but only because it was seeping dangerously close to her holopad and training saber). 

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. She just...snuck up on me.” 

 

“Wonderful.” Nero snorted. “She can sneak up on you in your own mind.”

 

_ I don’t like her. _ Rey muttered, eyeing Nero suspiciously. It should annoy her that he was so forthcoming about his location, training regimen, and the company he kept. Either he trusted her, or he didn’t see her as a threat. She couldn’t find the will to be bothered.

 

_ I’m not sure she likes you either. But she grows on you, once you pick past her shell and find her intentions. _

 

_ She’s beautiful. _

 

He glanced up at her, frowning. She was standing and he was sitting on the floor. There was a note of envy in her voice.  _ You think so? _

 

She scowled.  _ They all are. Every single one of you. _ She looked down, as though she were ashamed.  _ I don’t understand how the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen are all murderous lunatics. Where’s the justice? _ She joked, trying to deflect his contemplative stare with humor. 

“What’s she saying?” Salvis asked as the disgruntled frown blossomed over her leader’s face. 

 

Slowly, a mischievous grin unfurled on his face, dark and foreboding. He could feel Rey’s alarm and discomfort settle over him, hackles raising. “Nero, do you still partake in sexual sadism?” Rey paled instantly. 

 

_ Kriffing Sithspit, Ben. No. Shut up. _

 

_ This is for calling me Darth Tantrum. _

 

_ Seriously? I wait for you to grow a sense of humor and  _ **_this_ ** _ is what I get?  _ She panicked. 

 

A delighted smirk lit Nero’s face. “I’ll play with the scavenger if you let me play with you too, Master.” She purred. Rey’s face was oscillating colors—from white as a Stormtrooper to red as his saber. 

 

_ Oh my god. _ She squeaked, burying her face in her hands. 

 

“I think she’s intrigued, but she’s mostly embarrassed.”

 

_ I am NOT intrigued you… _

 

_ Don’t lie. I’d never let Nero get her hands on you. She’d break you. But still.  _ His voice was soft and dangerous in her head.  _ Once it’s in your head, it doesn’t leave. Not the sadism part. Relinquishing control. Putting your trust and body in someone’s hands and letting them break you down to your most primal instincts. And if it’s the right person, they can rebuild you with merciless ease.  _

 

There was an image dancing somewhere beneath the surface of his mind—just beyond her periphery. She wanted to chase it, but there was likely a reason he was keeping it out of her line of sight.  _ You’re obscene. _

 

“Stop looking at the poor girl like you’re going to unravel her on our training room floor while we watch.” Salvis snapped. 

 

“I’m not.” He disagreed, still staring into her eyes. “We’re talking about how I would train her.”

 

“See, that’s the kind of training that  _ I _ was hoping for when I signed up for this.” Nero complained. Tyvis hadn’t stopped laughing since Kylo had brought up sexual sadism. 

 

A note of unease passed through him again, and Kylo noted with muffled agitation that she was staring at Nero again. 

 

_ Stop that. _

 

She raised an eyebrow, confused.

 

_ She’s beautiful. That doesn’t take away from you. _ He snapped.  _ I refuse to feel your self-doubt and self-consciousness. Go find a kriffing mirror and get a grip. _

 

She felt her face warm.  _ I’m not jealous or anything. Just observing.  _

 

_ I can feel what you feel, Rey. _ He felt the jolt of surprise when he said her name.  _ You can’t lie to me.  _

 

Aro chuckled. “Man, if he looks at her like that, I like her already.” 

* * *

“All good in there?” Poe called to her. Rey shook her head and reconnected with her own reality. The ShadowCaster was flying beautifully, and they were safely in hyperspace. “There you are.”

“Sorry.” She grinned. There was a moment—he appeared in her periphery, glanced at her surroundings with a sneer, and then winked out of sight again. 

_ Please don’t tell me you’re flying that pile of wires that you were working on this morning. _

_ Alright. I won’t tell you.  _

He swore furiously, but retreated until he was just a thrumming presence in the far reaches of her mind. 

“What happened?”

“I uh...met? Well that’s not really the right word. Saw and second-hand interacted with the Knights of Ren.” She told him. He clenched his jaw. 

“How’s Messida Ren looking?”

She glanced at him. His teeth were grinding together. “Um...healthy and generally okay. A little disconcerted by the situation, but…”

“Wait, they know?” He yelped, turning alarmed eyes to her.

“Well...yeah. I mean, it wasn’t my favorite idea, but I told you and Finn, so fair’s fair.” She mumbled. 

“This is honestly getting to a point where I’m questioning my mental health.” He slumped in his seat. 

“How do you know Messida?”

“Childhood friends.” He grunted. “She was Kalo Sennetas back then. Ridiculously smart, unfailingly kind and loyal.” He frowned. “I suppose she’s still smart and loyal.”

“Poe…”

“It’s fine. It’s been over a decade since I knew her.”

“But…”

“Honestly, I’m good.” 

“Okay.” 

They fell uncomfortably silent. Poe cracked. “Alright. Fine.”

“I didn’t say anything.” 

“When the Praxeum on Coralis was destroyed, I was with her parents when they heard the news.” She felt Kylo’s attention shift back to her. To Poe. “They were devastated. So was I. I thought she’d died. She was my only friend growing up. The only real one, at least. And when I thought she was gone, I broke. I started pod racing and getting in fights and just...destroying everything I could. Then, the First Order showed its face, and it had eight force sensitive mercenaries right out front in the fray. Once I saw Kylo Ren—I’d met him once when he was Ben Solo—I knew Kalo was with him. Years later, I saw her. She was coming at me with her mask on. I got off a blaster shot that clipped her in the neck, and she had to take it off. I called her name and she stared at me like I was a stranger. And she told me that Kalo was dead. That she was Messida Ren. But she let me live.”

A rumble of some negative emotion went through Kylo (and therefore, her). Anger? Sadness? Disappointment? Remorse? Some incredibly unpleasant combination of them all. He stamped them back until only anger remained, and turned his eyes to Messida. 

“You let that degenerate Resistance pilot live?” He breathed coldly. A chill went up her spine. This was Kylo Ren in his totality. Messida blanched.

“It was a moment of weakness. How did you know?” She breathed. 

“She’s with him now.”

Her gaze turned cold. “Every now and then I’ll hear his name in a briefing. And I’ll wish I’d done what I was set to do.” Dark satisfaction swept through her—a thrumming wave of sticky pleasure that seared her very soul. It was his. He was  _ happy _ that she regretted showing mercy. But he was furious that she’d shown it at all. Not when he’d killed his father, stamping out that same instinct in himself. 

Rey jerked herself back. 

“He’s furious with her.”

“He was listening?” He barked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t really notice. I only actively block him out when it has to do with Resistance locations and strategy.” She admitted. “She wasn’t pleased.”

“I’d imagine not. The next time I saw her, she tried to take me out by throwing an entire tree at me.” He deadpanned. “Since then, she’s killed hundreds. Maybe more. She’s not Kalo anymore, and I know it.”

“If Kylo can be Ben…”

“I’m just...not going to get my hopes up. Just in case.” He interrupted her, eyes downcast. They lapsed into silence again. Then: “You don’t think he’d harm her, do you?”

She glanced at him. “No.” She said thoughtfully. “I don’t think he would.” 

Kylo poured as much fury, rage and violence into the bond as he could at that moment. But it was too late. She’d seen him  _ care, _ and now her opinion couldn’t be swayed. He was twisted—rotten in places she wasn’t sure she could reach. They all were. They fought so hard to block out the light that they cleaved their own souls in two, uncaring of or elated by who was left in the wake of their destruction. She remembered the look on his face as he faced Han. Unsure, heartbroken. In pain. Suffering. 

Hours later, Poe told her that they were making their approach. The Knights were back to training (and it was much less cordial than the last round), so Kylo was too distracted to notice that she’d erected the wall between them. He’d scared her today. No, not scarred. Jarred. Kicked back into reality. He was the man Snoke sent when he wanted to inflict death and pain. He was the leader of a group of mercenaries. He’d murdered ten unarmed children because of their affiliation with Luke Skywalker. He’d murdered countless innocent people in pursuit of a madman’s dream. He’d murdered his father. He’d almost killed Finn. He’d tortured Poe. As far as she could tell, the only thing that he regretted was killing Han. 

Even if there was slivers of Ben Solo scattered across his vast darkness, he was still a proud and prowling monster in Kylo Ren. She couldn’t forget it. She had to remain vigilant. She couldn’t get attached. She’d been ascribing him qualities that he didn’t yet possess—searching for Ben Solo in meaningless gestures. 

She needed to maintain perspective. She’d let his moments of light—few and far between—outshine the darkness. She believed in him. She believed in Ben Solo. But something in his darkness scared her. She was afraid that if it meant choosing between her and the darkness—power and fury—he would choose the darkness. 

_ “You know I can take whatever I want.” _ He’d whispered as he unwittingly forged the first strands of the bond. And when she felt the darkness unfurl within her, willing her to break into his mind in return he’d murmured “ _ don’t be afraid. I feel it too” _ so gently that she’d leaned into it, craving the understanding he was offering. 

He was seductive. 

“Dropping out of lightspeed.” Poe told her. 

“Disabling all outbound frequencies.” She murmured back. The plan was to attempt to sail past the blockade unnoticed. Minimal thrusters, no outbound radio frequency unless they were hailed. 

Rey held her breath as they passed the first blockade shuttle. They were angled slightly away from the Spectre, so with the rudimentary cloaking beacon she’d rigged up, they might be able to pull this off. 

Poe’s eyes darted back and forth between the starships and shuttles they were passing. They had a backup plan, but it would be so much easier to not have to use it. To just...free fall to the planet’s surface. 

It worked. No alarms went off. No one hailed them. No TIE fighters came for them. They were on night cycles, and the Spectre had some sort of guardian angel watching over it. As soon as they’d broken the atmosphere, Rey switched the comms back on while Poe fiddled with the coordinate positioning system. 

“General Organa gave us the coordinates to a small private landing platform.” He told her. “Our contact is meeting us there, and he’s loading us up.” She nodded absently. “Well be here for two days. He wants to help rig the deck for smuggling. He’s giving us food, which we’ll keep up top, but he wants to hide the weapons and munitions.” 

Rey felt her stomach flutter with anxiety. The Falcon had much more space for smuggling in hidden hatches. The ShadowCaster was miniscule in comparison. “How long will we be here?”

“Just a day. One full day. Until we can sneak back out during another night cycle.” Poe murmured. 

Chandrila was beautiful. They cruised past the coast on their way, and it was a rich blue in the earliest moment of the dawn. Farther inland, she could see a city with grand white buildings, larger than she’d ever seen before. It was thickly swaddled in green—lushly woven trees and grassy hills. If she’d been awed by Takodana, she was mesmerized by Chandrila. 

The landing pad they were destined for was attached to an enormous private residence, tucked into trees and concealed against the cliffside along the coast. There was a man waiting for them, patient and serene at the edge of the platform.

They disembarked cautiously, and Rey gripped her saber under her cloak. He smiled kindly. “Welcome to Chandrila. I’m Colefra Trefrod, General Organa’s former Senate advisor.” 

A feeling of calm washed over them, and they exhaled in relief. Poe shook the man’s hand, and Rey followed as they introduced themselves. “Apologies if it’s an uncomfortable question,” Rey started. “But if this is a First Order occupied planet, how are you still alive?”

“General Organa and I came to an agreement. I would publically turncoat against her distaste for the First Order, and she would only call upon me for aid when the need became most dire. I’m to be as much of a last resort as possible.”

Rey frowned. It’s true that the Resistance was struggling. They kept losing fighters, and the planets with the strongest military industries were under First Order occupation. Arms dealers from places like Canto Bight would still supply them, but only if they had the funds to proceed. It was getting more and more difficult to receive that funding. People were losing their faith in the Resistance, and fast.

“I’ve prepared breakfast for you. I understand that you’re to go to Hanna City to meet with Timo Afrigan. He’s the grandson of the munitions supplier for the Rebellion back in the days of the Empire.” Colefra told them. “I’m to help you restock your rations and basic supplies. Does that sound agreeable to you?”

“It sounds amazing.” Poe grinned. They were herded into the house and sat down at a large table. Rey had only ever heard about homes like this. She never imagined she’d see one. It looked...unused. The lights were mostly out, and there were crates in corners of every room. But as a whole, it looked truly decadent. Beautiful and grand. 

“Your home is lovely.” Rey told him, awestruck. “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“It is rather spectacular. But it isn’t mine.” Colefra admitted. “It belongs to General Organa. It’s where she lived with Captain Solo when the New Galactic Senate was born.” 

  
Rey froze, redoubling her evaluation of her surroundings. This is where Ben Solo had been raised. The scavenger in her was itching to abandon breakfast in search of some  _ scrap _ of the man she was connected to. She wanted to learn him. She pushed the thought away, and tucked into the best meal she’d eaten in her entire life.

* * *

Messida let out a pained cry. They were training again, and Kylo had taken her on himself. He advanced on her, taking in her singed shoulder and bruised neck. 

“Do you understand how much farther we’d be if Poe Dameron were dead?” He hissed coldly. “We’d still have Starkiller. He wouldn’t have escaped with FN 2187. That traitor wouldn’t have found the scavenger. I wouldn’t be the Supreme Leader’s  _ shame. _ ” He spat, glowering. 

“But you  _ like  _ your connection to the scavenger.” Messida jeered back. “I offered to help you sever your bond with her. You’re too weak to let her go.”

Kylo brought his next onslaught with a bellow of fury. The Force was surging around him, snapping and whipping in chaotic resonance with him. Messida was only barely fending him off. “He still  _ cares _ for you!” He shouted. “Asking after your wellbeing. Do you miss being Kalo? Are you still the frightened little girl who begged me for strength?” He slashed upward and caught her in the chin, sending her flying backwards. She landed with a feral cry of pain. 

“Kylo, enough!” Tyvis called from somewhere behind him. 

Messida stood, but barely. “What would you have me do? I’ve tried to kill him since then. I’ve tried to kill my past. I don’t hold for him what he holds for me.” She swore. 

He glowered at her, examining her with furious eyes. “You do. Somewhere, you do. I hold the same for my mother. We all have people we’re unconsciously holding.” He stared her in the eyes. “If I decide that we’re to remain with the First Order, your first order of business will be to kill him.”

“Whatever you ask.” She swore, dropping to her knees. 

Satisfied, he tossed his training saber aside and helped her up. He looked over her injuries quickly and deftly, noting the burn on her shoulder with particular care. 

“You’ll be fine. Go get some bacta gel for it.” He grunted. 

She put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll figure all of this out.” She promised. “Whether you end up as Ben Solo or as Kylo Ren, First Order or Resistance or somewhere in between, we’re in this together. Together, no one can shake our resolve.” 

Her words washed over him, tethering him to his Knights once more. “Go. We’re done for the day.”

She nodded and swept from the room. 

Aro sidled up to him. “If nothing else, I hope that you choose to find balance. Just so that we’ll have a better time of trying to predict your mood.” There was an air of humor to Aro’s smooth voice that Kylo found himself grateful for. 

They left the training room, headed back to their respective rooms, when he was stopped by a Stormtrooper. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke has required your presence.” The white-masked nobody said stiffly. 

Kylo Ren stiffened, but nodded. When he went to his room, he stayed long enough only to retrieve his mask. 


	5. Chapter 5

Kylo Ren stared at the mask in his hand. Outside, they were engaged in a battle with the Resistance—their final command ship listing through space.

 

_ “The deed has split your spirit to the bone.” _ Snoke had hissed. He’d killed his father by the Supreme Leader’s instruction.  _ “Just a child in a mask.” _ Fury, pain and failure roiled inside him. There was a wall erected in his bond to Rey, and without her he could feel his anger flying out of his control. He reared his arm back and slammed his helmet into the wall. Then again, and again and again until all that was left was splintered, twisted metal. He felt any semblance of control snap and his eyes went wild. The door to the elevator opened. 

 

“ _ Ready my ship!”  _ He snarled to the two unfortunate Stormtroopers who waited on the other side of the door.

 

Minutes later, he was firing on the Resistance command shuttle. Tyvis was somewhere out here as well, but he was flanked by troopers as he spun in and out of the Raddus’ apparatuses. 

 

Then he felt her. His mother. She was sitting on the bridge, staring blankly. She could feel him too. He felt her breathe out slowly, as though resigned to her fate, and his thumb hesitated over the trigger. He swallowed thickly. 

 

_ “Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you. You know it’s true.”  _ His father’s voice came to his mind, unbidden. 

 

_ “Your mother loves you.” _ Rey’s voice whispered through the back of his skull. The bond was closed, but her words were still there. Slowly, he moved his thumb from the trigger. His mother closed her eyes, and he could feel her relief. 

 

He saw the shot fired as it sped past the Silencer. Something in him shattered as he saw the bridge of the Raddus blow up. It was a raw, ripping pain that tore at his lungs. 

“Kylo, you’re falling too far out of range of the Finalizer. We’ve got to turn back.” Tyvis’ voice crackled through his cruiser. 

 

“Coming.” He turned his ship around, but not before destroying the two cruisers that had ended his mother’s life.

* * *

Hanna City was enormous. Rey had never been in a true city before, and she was taking her time in understanding how they worked. They’d moved so far beyond basic survival that it was nearly incomprehensible. There were food stalls and restaurants everywhere. There were stores that sold clothes, both lavish and plain, on every corner. Parts dealerships, bars, and apartments that touched the sky—things she’d never even thought to comprehend. 

She’d been told on multiple occasions that her hair was too distinctive, so she’d pulled it back into a tight ponytail. Colefra had showed her General Organa’s long-abandoned wardrobe, and she’d borrowed a simple black tunic, grey pants and a shawl. If she had a hood and a mask, she’d look like one of the Knights of Ren. 

There had been something smashing on the other side of the bond’s barrier, slamming on the door for the last few hours, but she’d steadfastly maintained it. Hanna City had to be distinctive. If he saw her surroundings, he’d find her. 

Poe had loaned her some credits, handing her his holopad for authentication, and had sent her to explore a little while he worked with the arms dealer to create stow spaces in the Spectre. 

She was inside a parts store now—picking up smaller spare parts for her control panel, blaster, and to repair BB-8’s thermal scanner. She was overly fond of the little droid. The woman who’d sold the parts to her had squinted at her curiously, as though trying to place her. She’d been cold and standoffish, but reluctantly helpful. She had dark hair and dark eyes, and a fearsome burn scar over her right eye and cheekbone. 

“I was wondering if you also had a miniaturized heat mount.” Rey asked her, glancing around the stop. The woman froze. 

“What on earth would you need that for?” She snapped.

“I have a shock baton that got damaged, and I need to reline the power coupling.” Rey stuttered. “I—”

“Shock batons don’t need a heat mount for a power coupling. They don’t maintain their charge long enough for a heat mount to be necessary.” 

“I’m not a mechanic. Sorry. I just...I didn’t know.” She stammered, growing nervous. She, in fact, didn’t need it for a shock baton. She’d been considering it for a while now. She wanted to rebuild her lightsaber. She wanted to create a saberstaff.

“Get what you’ve got and go.” The woman growled. “And never ask for a miniaturized heat mount in the Core. You’ll get yourself and whoever is stupid enough to help you arrested. Or killed.” 

Rey practically ran from the store. There was a strange feeling in her chest—fear of the woman she’d just encountered, but something else, too. Something akin to familiarity, but not quite there. 

She made her way back to General Organa’s palatial home slowly. There were so many things that she didn’t know. She didn’t even know what to avoid buying. She’d never really bought anything before. 

“Any trouble?” Poe asked as she got back. She grimaced. 

“Only a little. Nothing serious.”  _ I hope. _

Hours later, they were eating dinner, casually discussing their plans to leave. Their resupply mission had been successful, and the ShadowCaster was laden with the fruits of their mission. Then, the slamming on the door of their bond suddenly became relentless. Unbearable. She ripped it open with a cry of alarm. Poe and Colefra’s eyes widened as she collapsed, squeezing her eyes shut.

She was under siege. She was assaulted all at once by greif, fury, panic, fear, guilt and urgency, and it all swept into her at once in an overwhelming tidal wave. She cried out at the sensations befalling her. There was something wrong with her skin—electricity crackled along it, but it wasn’t fresh. Had he been tortured while she shut him out?

_ Tell me you’re not on Chandrila. Tell me right now.  _ He bellowed in her head. Her stomach dropped to her knees.  _ You were  _ **_seen_ ** _ you stupid girl! _

“Rey, what’s wrong!” Poe dropped to his knees next to her, trying to help her up.

“I was seen.” She gasped. 

_ You’re in General Organa’s home. Are you not?  _ He growled. She whimpered.

_ Yes _ . 

_ You need to leave. Now. You need to run. _

_ Where? Will we be able to get off planet? _

_ Not yet, no. Just...hide. Somewhere. Have whoever is aiding and abetting you hide your ship, and hide. I’ll take care of the rest.  _ He thundered. 

_ You’ll help? _ She breathed. He rounded on her, eyes wild and furious. 

_ If you die, I die.  _ He hissed.  _ If I do not help you, I sign my own death warrant. I  _ **_should_ ** _ let you die just like the rest of your crippled Resistance, but I have far too much to accomplish to let our bond bring me down. _

He was seething, and she shrunk from him unwillingly.  _ Tell me what to do. _

_ There’s a house twelve kilometers north of you. It’s small. Take your pilot and go there. Who was helping you?  _ He demanded, barely containing his fury after seeing her cower from him. 

_ I’m not telling you. _

_ I won’t harm them. But if you’re going to get to your ship, the person who lives in that house will need to contact them to make arrangements. Tell me the name.  _

“He wants to know who’s helping us” She gasped. Poe’s eyes widened in alarm.

“You can’t tell him…”

“He wants to help us. He’s telling us where to hide, but his contact needs a name so that we can get back to the ship and off planet.” She explained. She was crying. She was sure of it—her face was wet, and her emotions were overloaded. Her nerves were ripped raw and whatever injuries he’d sustained in the last day were tearing at her as well. “We have to tell him.” Poe was shaking his head. “Poe, you have to trust me. You promised you’d trust me when the time came.”

He gritted his teeth. “Fine.”

Rey opened her eyes. She felt a pang of loss as Kylo saw his childhood home through her eyes. She turned to face Colefra, and her chest tightened under the pressure of his fury. Everything in the room began to shake.  _ Ben, please. I can’t… _ she pleaded, crushed under the pressure of his rage. 

_ Colefra Trefrod.  _ He growled. He strangled back his anger, just enough that she could breathe again.  _ Get up.  _ She hastily, but clumsily, struggled to her feet, staggering under the weight of his pain.  _ I’ll get treated just as soon as you’re hidden.  _ He told her, a touch of concern and apology creeping into his voice. 

“We need you to take the Spectre and hide it.” She told Colefra. He was watching her anxiously, uncomprehending of what was happening. “Please, I was seen. I have a...friend. He’s providing us with a safe place to hide, but you need to help us hide the Spectre. We’ll contact you when it’s safe.” 

He nodded, still unsure of the situation, but departed for the landing pad immediately. “Where are we going?” Poe asked, helping Rey get to her feet. 

_ Where am I going? _ She asked, tugging on the bond. A picture formed in her mind—a small house, tucked into the forest North of Hanna City. 

_ Head straight north from where you are now. Don’t stop until you get there. I’ll get in touch with the resident now. Stay out of sight. _ He instructed.  _ I’m closing you off so that my injuries don’t slow you down. Now go. _

“We’re going north. Straight north.” She straightened as the connection closed; sharp, debilitating pain fading into dull aches. “And we have to go now.”

Satisfied that Rey was on her way, Kylo grappled for the commlink at his belt. “Salvis, Tyvis, Aro, where are you?” He demanded. 

“Weapons inspection.” Salvis reported back.

“Training Room.” Aro piped up. 

“I’m with Quaisel on the Engineering deck.” Tyvis murmured. 

“Meet me in my quarters immediately.” He demanded, already striding through the halls of the Finalizer with a fury in his step that allowed him a wide berth. “Bring Quaisel with you.”

“I need you to contact her.” He told Salvis furiously as soon as she found him. She stopped in her tracks.

“Her. You mean…”

“I do. She’s on Chandrila, isn’t she? So is Rey. She was seen. She needs help getting off planet.” 

“You want me to contact her—something you’ve forbidden, mind you—so that we can ask her for a favor? After what we did to her?” Salvis demanded. 

He clenched his jaw and turned his face to meet her eyes. She took a step back. She hadn’t seen any of the emotions on his face since they’d ran from the Praxeum. Heartbreak. Loss. Pain. Fear. Anger. His jaw was trembling against clenched teeth. He was barely holding it together. She fought the urge to reach out to him. “Please.” He whispered. 

Aro, Tyvis and Quaisel arrived then. “Fine.” She growled. “But this is not going to be a pleasant conversation.”

“I’ll pay you back in kind.” He promised. His associates were alarmed by his current state. “Quaisel, I need you to help Salvis make contact with Chandrila without alerting our fleet to incoming transmissions. Aro, I need the contact specifications for Ambassador Colefra Trefrod. Tyvis, get me the specifications and intelligence for the attack on the Raddus.”

“The Raddus went to lightspeed after the attack on the bridge. They must have set up an auxiliary hyperdrive control.” Tyvis informed him. 

“I need to know why they were moving at all. I was under the impression that they were in a base somewhere that we couldn’t find them. There has to be a reason they were out in the open.” He rasped, eyes wild. 

Quaisel and Salvis had already departed, but Tyvis and Aro were both staring at him in open confusion. “Why does it matter?” Aro asked. 

Kylo swallowed thickly, greif clutching at his heart even as he willed it away. “General Organa was aboard the Raddus.” He whispered. “On the bridge.”

Aro inhaled sharply. “That’s why you didn’t fire.” Tyvis murmured. 

“I tried.” He hissed, fists clenching. “I was going to. But I could  _ see her _ , and I just COULDN’T.” His voice and his temper crescendoed out of control as he stood wildly and blasted the table back with a vicious flail of his arm. He watched in satisfaction as it splintered against the wall. 

“Hey, I get it.” Tyvis reminded him, reaching out a hand to grab his leader’s shoulder. Partially to provide some sort of comfort, and partially to prevent any further damage to the room. “Salvis and I both get it. Messida too, apparently. There are people who mean too much.”

“If you’re in pain, use it.” Aro reminded him. “If we’ve learned anything, it’s that.” 

Kylo nodded, drawing his pain to himself, fortifying himself in his loss and fear. “Rey is on Chandrila. She was seen and reported.” He told them. Aro swore. 

“Chandrila. Is that why you needed Salvis?” Tyvis asked. Kylo gave him a pained look.

“I had to.”

Tyvis nodded absently. Salvis strode in minutes later. 

“We need a kyber crystal. Also, which body part are you least attached to?” She asked Kylo. He frowned. 

“The toes on my left foot, I suppose. Why?”

“She’ll do it, but that’s her price. She wants a kyber crystal, and she wants a piece of you. I think we might be able to talk her out of the last part if we explain the Force bond. But the crystal is non-negotiable.”

“Why.”

“Said something about how if she’s leaving the shitty life we forced her into and that she’s made the best of to deliver Kylo Ren’s pet Jedi to the Resistance, she was going to cease standing idly by.” There was a bitter note to her voice. “Can’t say I blame her.”

“So we’re going to start rearming vocal enemies of the First Order.” Aro drawled. “Why not go all the way and just defect now?”

“I want to talk to her.” Kylo said softly. There was a dull resignation in his voice. Salvis gaped, but Quaisel tossed him the commlink. 

“Amalia?” 

There was a crackle of static. “Kylo Ren. Long time, no talk. I heard you need a favor.” The woman’s voice was cold and melodious. She’d matured since the last time they’d spoken.

“I do. There’s a woman on Chandrila who’s a stated enemy of the First Order. She’s there with a Resistance pilot on a supply run. They were seen and reported, and are currently on the run. I need help getting them off planet and back to their base.” His voice had taken on the dull tone of someone who was forfeiting their pride. 

“After everything you’ve done to me and my family, why would I help you?”

“I don’t expect you to. Unfortunately, I share a Force bond with the woman in question. I would offer you my head if it didn’t mean that she would perish as well. The kyber crystal is yours. I’ll bring it anywhere you want. Anything else that you want that I can provide, I’ll give.” 

There was a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the commlink. “How about you’ll owe me a favor.” She offered reluctantly. “But I’ll want that crystal. I’ll collect it from Naboo in two days time. You know where.”

“I do.”

“I’ll make contact once I’ve delivered them safely.”

“Don’t. I’ll know. The more you contact us directly, the more risk we take on.” 

“Alright then. How am I going to get to her?”

“She’s coming to you. I already sent her your location.”

Amalia barked out a laugh on the other end of the commlink. Salvis inhaled sharply. “What if I’d said no?”

“I was hoping that if you said no to me, you wouldn’t be able to say no to her helplessly sad damsel-in-distress face.” Kylo admitted. 

“You’ve got it bad, Darth Destruction.” She chuckled. 

“I’m not doing this  _ for  _ her. I’m doing this  _ because _ of her.” He grumbled. 

“I think that if you really sit with that statement, you’ll start to notice that they’re the same thing.” He could practically hear her smirk. “See you in two days.”

The commlink went dead. “That was…” Quaisel floundered for the right word.

“Surreal.” Aro suggested.

“Bizarre.” Tyvis agreed.

“Awful.” Salvis muttered before striding out of the room. 

“I’ll go with her.” Tyvis muttered before following the agitated woman from the room. If Kylo knew Salvis, she was headed for the training room. The Knights of Ren had been trained to channel their emotions through aggression. He would need to order more supplies for the training room after today. 

Kylo say again, dropping his face into his hands. Quaisel sat next to him. “It seems pretty clear to me that we’re leaning towards defection here. Should I start making preparations?”

“It’s not certain yet. The Supreme Leader…”

“Yeah, that’s another thing that’s becoming clear. Skywalker was wrong to try to kill you. But the Supreme Leader has been twisting your head up for a decade now. We didn’t really see it before, but we were scared kids back then. He’s turned you into his rabid dog, though, and he tortures you when you don’t meet his expectations. Skywalker might have been twisted, but at least he wanted to get the job done in one go.”

“We don’t have a place in the Resistance. You’d all be put in danger.”

“We’re in danger anyways, now. At least with the Resistance, you won’t be used purely as a weapon. You lost your mother today. Who else are we going to lose? Amalia? Grigori? Rey?”

“We’re fighting for something greater than ourselves…”

“Kylo. Just because Snoke’s promised something, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. If we leave, we can bring balance to the Force. We can work something out with the Resistance and help bring down the First Order, but contingent that we have a say in how the new galactic governing body functions. We can do this without being rabid dogs on a taut leash.”

Kylo examined his young companion. “How long has this been on your mind?” He asked softly. How long had he been tethering his Knights to a leader they didn’t believe in?

“Since Hux rolled out the plans for Starkiller.” He admitted. Six years. Kylo sighed. He was failing them. “I didn’t say anything because Nero was just starting to truly immerse herself and you were still learning so much. You felt so confident that Snoke would be able to give you—and therefore us—what we needed. And I believe that you thought he could. But I think we’ve learned as much as we can from him. Any more, and all he’ll do is tear our minds and souls apart.”

“Go ahead and start making preparations. Just in case.”

“We’re with you, you know. Even Nero.” Quaisel ducked his head with a small smile. “I know we’re not really supposed to, but we care about you. If we didn’t, we would have left when things started to feel wrong.”

Kylo shifted uncomfortably. “We know you’re bad at heartfelt moments, so you don’t have to say anything.” Aro sniggered. Kylo grimaced. 

“Thank stars.” He glanced back at Quaisel, who cracked into a grin. “Before you start planning some elaborate exit strategy, could you look into the attack on the Raddus?”

“You got it. The intel reports will be on your holo within the hour.”

* * *

Rey and Poe only stopped running when they reached the house. It was almost perfectly matched to the vision Kylo had sent her, barring a few adjustments and alterations. She briefly wondered how long it had been since she’d seen it in person. 

Poe knocked on the door, and they waited with baited breath. Surprise knocked the breath out of her lungs when the door opened. “You!” Rey cried, eyes wide. 

“Me.” The woman from the parts stall agreed. Her hair was pulled back into a severe braid now, and her burnt eye looked more impressive than menacing. She had changed, too. Earlier, she’d been in a rough brown tunic that was bulky and cheap. Now she was clad in soft, form-fitting black suede and leather with a blaster strapped to her hip. She looked deadly and graceful—ready for a fight. Her dark eyes roamed over them. Poe’s face was dumbstruck. “Hello Poe.”

“Amalia Shan?” He choked. She smiled grimly. 

“What’s left of her. Come in.” She stepped aside, and the two of them entered the house. Rey suddenly understood why the woman had felt familiar—she was familiar to the Force, and the Force felt that she could be trusted. “It’s been a long time.”

“A very long time.” Poe agreed. “I thought you were dead, to be honest.”

“Hm. Most people do.”

“How do you two know each other?” Rey asked curiously, eyes volleying between them.

“We met when he used to visit Messida Ren at the Praxeum. For her birthday, or whatever other holiday he could make excuses to see her for.”

“You’re a Jedi?” She squeaked. Amalia snorted indelicately.

“Luke Skywalker is the only Jedi living in existence. After I was left alive, he refused to train me and disappeared. I was left to fend for myself. The last mercy I was offered was a new life here on Chandrila, where I could live under the radar. I haven’t touched a lightsaber or communed with the Force since then. Mostly for fear of being found.”

“Found by who?” Poe asked, confused. She frowned at him.

“Haven’t you ever wondered how Snoke got his hands on  _ eight _ of the most powerful Padawans to grace the galaxy since Anakin Skywalker? He was in their heads since moment he learned of their existence. Used the force to feed into their fears and insecurities. Kylo Ren has been under his influence for...maybe his entire life. A child born of two resistance heroes, one who was the daughter of Darth Vader himself? He didn’t stand a chance.”

“Why didn’t Luke do anything to help?” Rey demanded, infuriated for the woman before her, and for Ben Solo.

“I don’t think he realized what was happening.” Amalia shrugged. She was packing a bag now. “He just assumed that he was facing the normal pull to darkness—the one that we all feel. He didn’t realize that it was a storm, not a drizzle. He refused to give him any preferential treatment because he felt it would be because he was letting emotions cloud his judgement.” She sighed. “Skywalker was a fool. I know that now. The Knights aren’t much better, but at least they’re together, and they know when to ask for help. In any case, Snoke thinks the rest of us are dead, and I had no intention of letting him think otherwise.”

“What happened to your eye?” Poe asked, reaching up to touch the damaged skin. She flinched, but let him examine it.

“A parting gift from Salvis.” She sneered. “You have no idea how shocked I was that she asked me for help.”

“Amalia...that’s...I’m so sorry.” He muttered, dropping his hand.

“Don’t be. Both eyes work fine, and I’m still in possession of all of my arms and legs. Grigori was worse off. Tyvis Ren cut his leg clean off.”

“Grigori’s alive too? Grigori Sato?” Poe breathed, eyes wide. Apparently the name meant a lot to him, but Rey was a little lost in this conversation. 

Amalia nodded. “He’s working as a bounty hunter in the Outer Rim. Haven’t seen him in a year or so, but we try to get together sometimes to have dinner and catch up.”

“Why did they let you live and kill the rest?” Rey asked hesitantly. “Sorry if that’s too personal…”

“It’s not. I assume we’re going to be fighting together for the foreseeable future. And we have people who… _ care _ about us who are Knights of Ren.” She cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Poe already knows. Salvis Ren is my sister. And Grigori, if we ever find him, is Tyvis Ren’s brother.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. “Your sister did that to you?” She gasped. 

“It was that, or kill me outright. I hate to say it, but Salvis me a favor.” She smiled grimly. “Besides, she’s my sister and I love her. No matter who she is on the surface, she’s my protector and confidante underneath.”

Rey felt her connection to Kylo ease open. The raw, unfiltered pain from before was conspicuously absent. 

_ You’re safe. _ He breathed. She nodded absently. 

_ And you’ve been to a medi-droid. _ She replied. 

_ Did I harm you? Before? _

_ You just caught me by surprise. You haven’t been that...out of control for months.  _ She murmured to him, caught of guard by his open concern.  _ Are you alright? _

_ No. _ He whispered bitterly. She had to force him to let her see him, and was met with broken sadness. 

_ Ben, what happened?  _  She crooned, kneeling before him where he sat on his bed. Tear tracks had dried to his face, and his room was in shambles, utterly destroyed. 

_ There was an attack on the Raddus. General Organa was on board. _ He croaked. She gasped.

_ Ben, no… _

_ She’s dead. She was on the bridge, and a Stormtrooper did what I couldn’t. It happened so fast. One moment, I felt her, and the next, I felt this rush of heat and the vacuum of space.  _ He was clenching his jaw against a new onslaught of tears. Rey had no such qualm, and was crying openly. 

“Rey, what’s wrong?” Poe asked, alarmed by the sudden outburst of tears. Amalia was studying her with a distant concern.

“General Organa. The Raddus was attacked today, and General Organa died when the bridge was destroyed.”

Poe dropped into a chair. General Organa had been as close to a mother as he’d gotten since his own mother passed away. He was numb. Hollow. Amalia had gone white, shock painting her face.

_ I’m so sorry, Ben.  _ She murmured.  _ I’m so sorry. She was a brilliant woman. A beautiful soul. _

_ I’m not sure what they’re planning to do with her body, but if they haven’t...If they... _ He swallowed thickly.  _ Alderaanian customs dictate that the body be dressed in white and burned. If they haven’t already interred her, please… _

_ I’ll make sure they do it right.  _ She promised.  _ And I’ll make sure you can say goodbye to her.  _ She found herself wishing she could hold him. She’d never tried, but this hardly seemed like the time to start. He was unstable enough. Instead, she used every ounce of her presence in the Force to wrap him in her presence, interweaving the strands of their bond tighter. It flooded them both with pain, but also warmth. Neither of them knew that this was possible, but they found themselves glad for it. 

_ Thank you.  _ He choked out, revelling in her presence that draped itself around him as though she were holding his entire body. 

_ You’re not alone. _ She murmured to him. 

_ Neither are you. _

* * *

They started to move an hour later. Amalia went to rendez-vous with Colefra while they waited, bathed in sadness. When they boarded, the darker woman stuffed them both into a floor panel and told them to shut up until she came to get them. 

The Raddus had been making an emergency run to pick up stranded Resistance fighters. The explosion on the bridge had taken out six senior leadership, including General Organa and Admiral Ackbar, according to Kylo’s intelligence reports. 

They had no trouble staying silent. There was nothing to say. 

They were just below Amalia’s feet, and they heard her switch on the Spectre’s commlink as she approached the blockade. 

“This is Amalia Shan piloting a B-82 ShadowCaster, requesting egress from atmosphere.”

“State your purpose and haul.”

“Visiting relatives on Tatooine. Carrying rations and produce.” 

“What is you citizen ID number?”

“G-50983. I should have clearance.”

“Where did you get this ship? It’s red-flagged for egress.”

“Bought it off a couple in Hanna City. My own cruiser had a system malfunction and I didn’t have time to repair it.” She explained. 

“Where is the couple now?”

“They said they were staying in the outskirts, and I picked up their cruiser from a landing pad on Sorro Cliff.” She explained, coaching her voice into impatience. “Look, if you need to search the ship, just tell me where to dock. I’d like to get going. It’s a long trip.”

There was silence on the other end of the commlink. Then: “That won’t be necessary. Your transport papers were filed one standard month ago. Thank you for your patience.”

She snapped the commlink off, and they all let out a collective sigh of relief. Poe and Rey felt her accelerate into space, but she didn’t come to get them. Not yet. 

Finally, when she was far enough past the blockade, she entered coordinates to Genassa and punched them into lightspeed.  _ Then _ she came to get them. 

“You’d think Quaisel would at least take our ship off the red-flagged list.” She muttered. 

“It’s probably less conspicuous. I mean, if the blockade tightened  _ because _ of the Spectre…” Poe offered.

“Yeah, I know.” She grumbled. “Still. Just let me be bitter at them for a bit longer.” She glanced around the ShadowCaster. “For how ragged this thing is on the inside, she sure does move like a dream.” She murmured. 

Rey blushed and Poe smirked. “Rey build this sucker from a pile of wires in ten hours. Ten.”

Amalia’s eyes shot over to Rey, horrified. “And you flew it in deep space? At lightspeed? We’re flying in it now?” She squeaked. 

“Relax. You said it yourself. She moves like a dream.” Poe grinned. “And we did a flight test beforehand. Full diagnostics. She’s good.”

Amalia looked unconvinced. “If you say so. I guess there’s nothing for it now. We either make it there safely or die in a fiery crash.”

“We have like eight hours, so I’m going to let Ben know we made it off planet safely.” Rey told them. 

“Um...when you’re done, could you...I mean…” Amalia flushed, looking down. “I sealed myself off from the Force years ago. Could you help me meditate?”

Rey’s lips parted in gentle awe. “Of course. But...I don’t do it the way Skywalker did. Even Ben thinks it’s different.”

_ Stop calling me Ben. _ A half-hearted growl lit up her skull. 

_ Nope. _

_ I’ve killed people for less. _

_ Lucky for me that you can’t kill me. _ She needled fondly. 

_ Lucky indeed. Did you make it off Chandrila? _ He asked. She could feel his fingers entwine with hers and his thumb deftly stroking her palm, sending currents of electric warmth through her. 

_ We did. Amalia’s a brilliant liar.  _

_ Indeed. Will you be joining her when she meets me on Naboo?  _ He asked softly. There was a pleading note to his tone. He was asking her to meet him. 

_ If you want me to be there, I will.  _ She said. 

_ My Knights will be joining me. I would advise against bringing the pilot. I’m unsure of how Messida would react.  _

_ Look at you, showing concern for others. _

_ For you. _ A phantom hand trailed across her face.  _ Only for you. _

_ For Messida, too.  _ She disagreed. 

_ Messida has us. If she lost Dameron, we could sustain her. But you have far fewer people to support you through another loss.  _ He murmured. 

_ Be careful. _ She breathed.  _ You’re not treating me like a nuisance. You wouldn’t want me to get the wrong idea.  _

_ I’m not sure what the right idea is, anymore. _ He mumbled.  _ I’ll leave you to your journey. Do check in once you’ve arrived at your base. _

_ I will.  _

She looked up, and both Poe and Amalia were staring at her. Poe’s face was amused, but Amalia’s was confused. “She does that sometimes.” Poe explained. 

“And what exactly is ‘that’?” Amalia inquired. 

“Well, not that exactly. Usually she’s more agitated after. Not all...blotchy and awkward.” He chuckled. “She zones out of present conversations when she’s chit chatting with Kylo Ren in her head.”

“I don’t!”

“You definitely do. Sometimes you do a better job of it, but it’s probably hard to keep up two conversations at once.” Poe smirked. “Especially if one is argumentative and you have to keep your eyes closed so that he can’t see where you are.”

“How strong is the bond?” Amalia asked, eyes shining with curiosity.

“Strong.” She admitted. “If one of us gets injured, the other feels it. I got a piece of sheet metal driven through my chest a month or so ago, and he was in so much pain that he cracked and helped me heal it. Then we just started...gravitating towards each other.” She shrugged helplessly. 

“And he told his precious Knights of Ren about you.” Amalia smirked. “He loves handling shit on his own, it makes him feel like he’s in control. You must have had him bending ‘round the twist.”

“Didn’t you want to meditate or something?” Rey mumbled, face going red. Amalia smirked, but gestured for her to take the lead. “I assume you’re good with hanging out in the cockpit, Poe?”

“Always.” He assured her. “Go play with mystical forces. I’ll be fine here.”

Rey led her to the small seating area in the back of the craft. It was more spacious than she’d imagined when she’d started rebuilding it, but she was glad for it. It was built for longer journeys with lighter loads. She sat on the ground, legs crossed, and Amalia did the same. “If Luke taught you, then you’re probably used to centering yourself around peace and pushing aside emotion. I don’t really do that.” Rey explained quickly. 

“What do you do instead?”

“It would be easier for you to lower whatever wall you’ve built to block yourself out. Then, once I’ve really gotten into the flow of my practice, I’ll pull you in with me.”

“And...you’ve done this before?”

“With Ben.” Rey confirmed. Amalia hesitated. “What?”

“I haven’t lowered this wall in...well, in a long time. The Force is a shadow of a memory. And I put it up so that I could hide from Snoke.” Amalia told her, worrying her lip.

“Well...He was looking for you then, wasn’t he? He wouldn’t be looking for you now.” Rey offered. “If it’s too much or you feel you’re in danger, you can block it back out.”

“The last time it felt like I was cutting out my soul.” 

“If you did it once, you can do it again. You’re stronger now than you were then. You must know that.” Rey soothed. Amalia nodded, and closed her eyes. As soon as the first brick started to crumble, Rey felt her presence slamming into her, bright and storming. “I can feel you.” She grinned. 

Amalia was trembling now, and tears were slipping from the corners of her eyes. She was shaking with the power coursing through her veins. 

Kylo winked in and out of her periphery, having felt Amalia’s awakening through her.  _ Salvis! _ She heard him call in the background. She felt a flash of fondness. He wanted Amalia’s sister to see her reawakening. A moment later, she could feel that he felt disgruntled that she’d called him sweet.  

She closed her eyes and reached out, searching again for her current, slipping into it easily as she connected with every breath the universe took. Instead of reaching out for Kylo, she reached for Amalia. It was difficult, since the dark woman wasn’t tethered to her, but she found her eventually. She burned bright and volatile, shaking the Force with her realization of its presence. Instead of trying to pull her in, Rey drew the Force to her, wrapping Amalia in it like a blanket and soothing her raw nerves. 

She felt Kylo slip into her meditative state as well, burning his way into the thrum of existence that she was surrounded by. Then, faintly, new signatures cropped up around him, tethered to him but bathing in the Force and its truths just as she was. And they sat in it, feeling the thrum of one another meld with the absolute power of the Force. Where there was too much darkness, it cast light. Where there was too much light, it cast shadows. Soon, they were in a trace that was lit like the first blush of sunrise, where it all came together and the world was still. 

One of Kylo’s attachments reached out then, weaving through the millions of connections and currents to feel each one and how they interacted. Another simply basked in the glow of Amalia’s reemergence. Another basked in the ebb and flow of the galaxy, letting anger seep out and peace seep in. Another did the same, but dulled their pain. And so it went, and she could feel each one of them. 

Slowly, Amalia’s blinding brilliance began to mellow, and Rey could feel that she wasn’t overwhelmed any longer. Heartbreakingly happy, but not overflowed by the magnitude of the Force itself. She pulled away. Rey sent a little shock of reassurance to Kylo, and pulled herself away as well. 

Amalia’s face was shining with tears. “That was…” She shook her head, at a loss for words. 

“I know.” Rey smiled softly.  

“And it was so different.” She breathed. “Completely different from anything else I’ve ever felt from the Force.”

“I tried to do it the Jedi way, you know? Focusing on emotions and then letting them go so that I could be a vessel for the Force. But since I have a Force Bond to an emotional live wire, so I had to give up on that one pretty quickly.” She smiled self-depricatingly. 

“Maybe that’s for the best.” Amalia muttered. “Jedi meditation was effective, but it also made me feel empty, you know? This...well it didn’t make me feel  _ full _ , but...complete? Connected?”

“I like it better, too.” Rey smiled. “The light wasn’t emptiness, it was just bright. And the dark wasn’t crushing or heavy, it was just there. And it made everything more beautiful and real. And powerful.”

“We’re making our approach. Are you two awake yet?” Poe asked, poking his head into the room.

Rey’s jaw dropped. “We’ve been meditating for eight hours?”

Poe smirked. “Something like that. You might want to block out your bond right about now. Before we drop out of lightspeed.”

“How long do we have?”

“Ten minutes.” He ducked back out of the room. Rey slid her eyes over to Amalia with a sheepish smile. Amalia held up her hands and slid from the room to join Poe in the cockpit. 

_ Ben? _ She called out. He didn’t respond, but she could feel his energy surge gently against hers. She found herself in their training space a moment later. She let out a startled gasp. 

They were still meditating, sitting in a circle and breathing in tandem. They were awash in it. Some—like Kylo, Nero, Salvis, and Messida—were overrun by peace, letting their excess of emotion bleed into the neverending riptide of the Force. The rest were allowing their jagged edges to be smoothed and their fractured pieces to be stitched together by the utter balance she’d shown them. 

The startled gasp, however, was for the training room. It had been  _ destroyed. _ All of the equipment had been hacked to pieces, as had the walls. 

_ What happened?  _ She cried. 

Kylo opened his eyes slowly, taking in her presence, then glancing around the room.  _ Salvis hadn’t spoken to Amalia in a long time. It was...overwhelming for her. She destroyed the training room. And then enlisted Tyvis’ assistance in working out her physical aggression. _

Rey’s eyes slid over to Tyvis and Salvis. Salvis didn’t seem like the kind of woman who would ever accept being unkempt, but her hair was in disarray and her clothes were leaning towards tattered.  _ They fought? _

Kylo smirked.  _ They  _ **_fucked._ **

Rey blushed violently.  _ Oh. Uh… _

_ Salvis is a carnal creature. _ He explained, eyes laughing.  _ She resolves most of her conflicts with either violence or sex. Or both.  _

If possible, she grew redder.  _ I get it. You don’t need to elaborate. _

_ Sorry.  _ He continued to smirk, not sorry at all.  _ The Jedi practice of abandoning passion isn’t practiced by my Knights. Since you’re doing such a remarkable job of swaying them, I figured you should know what exactly you’ll be getting. _

_ You’re foul. _ She snapped. Her eyes darted to Tyvis, who looked distinctly worse for wear. He was shirtless, and it wasn’t the first time that Rey had considered that he may not be human. His body was striped—pigmentation that could be tattooed, but could also be natural. His face was unmarked, but the rest of his body was covered in the jagged lines. What caught her attention was the vicious claw marks down his back and forearms, still open and bleeding. There was a bite on his neck that had certainly broken the skin.  _ God, are you sure they weren’t fighting? _

_ I’m positive. Sex isn’t always soft and sensual. It can be raw and furious, even violent, and still be quite enjoyable.  _ He stated absently, eyes flicking over his companions.  _ Salvis has always preferred the brutality of it. Tyvis is gentler by nature, but always gives in kind. _ She had to fight to keep herself from wondering exactly what kind of intimate encounters he preferred. She didn’t want or need to know.

_ How do you know so much about their sex life?  _ She demanded.

_ They also have a penchant for public fornication. _ He drawled blandly, distaste creeping into his tone.  _ I have stumbled across them more times than I care to count.  _

_ Oh my god. _ She choked.  _ I just came to tell you that I need to cut our bond off for a while. Just while we make our final approach and land in the hangar bay. _ She couldn’t quite look at any of them, least of all his eyes which were perusing her with dark amusement.

_ Thank you for informing me.  _ He said a beat later with a tinge of surprise.  _ And thank you for allowing us to join you. Especially in such a fraught moment. It could have been dangerous. _

She frowned.  _ How? _

_ Besides the fact that you’re in a ship that you scrapped together in a single day, Amalia hadn’t exercised control over her use of the Force in a decade. That release of new energy is unstable. Allowing us to join you and having Salvis anywhere near her could have been catastrophic.  _

_ I honestly didn’t even think about it. I prefer to have you there. The rest of them...I barely felt them next to you.  _

He sent a ripple of delight her way.  _ Land safely.  _

She scoffed.  _ Always. _

* * *

Finn ran out to meet them as they landed in the hangar bay, followed closely by a young woman—the one who had been working with the scraps when Rey had rebuilt the Spectre. 

He launched himself at Rey, hugging her close. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He mumbled into her neck. She hugged him tight. “With everything that’s happened, I was starting to worry when you missed your return time.”

“We ran into some trouble, but we got out safely. Thanks to our new friend.” Rey gestured to Amalia, who was surveying the hangar critically. 

“Who’s she?” He asked suspiciously. 

“This is Amalia Shan. We met her on Chandrila. Amalia, this is Finn.”

“Pleasure.” She murmured, stretching her hand out to shake his. He took it, but Rey could see the distrust etched in the lines of his face. 

“We heard about General Organa.” Rey murmured. “Did we manage to retrieve her body?”

Finn frowned. “I’m not sure how you heard about that, but I don’t think you know the whole story.” He said slowly. “General Organa’s alive.” Rey felt her heart stop. “The bridge of the Raddus blew, but somehow—with the Force or something—she made it to the port door and survived. She’s in intensive care, and she’s comatose, but she’s alive.” Poe’s shoulder’s crumpled as he exhaled his relief, gratitude and pain out loud. Amalia’s eyes simply widened, shock coloring her delicate features.

“Show me.” Rey begged. “Please.”

Finn led them through the base to Leia’s quarters, where the woman herself was shrouded in a medical shield and tethered to a respirator. There was some sort of intravenous fluid pump whirring in the corner, pushing a thin, clear gel into her veins. Rehydration fluid. 

She pried the bond open gently, letting her joy and relief flood their connection. She stood before him in his tattered training room with a shining grin of disbelief and awe on her face. He stared at her, confused. “I have to show you something.” She breathed aloud, and the question on his face turned to apprehension as her voice echoed louder than they typically permitted. She willed him to follow her and he did so silently, allowing her to pull him to her side. 

Finn was staring at her in open confusion. 

He materialized at her side, still staring at her in apprehensive confusion. She stared at his face as he stared at her in confusion, before slowly turning her eyes so that he’d follow her gaze. His eyes fell on his mother, and then she felt the riptide. The torrent of his emotions, raw and unfiltered, pummeled her completely and left her breathless. Shock, pain, fear, remorse, gratitude, anger, sorrow, grief, one after the other in rapid succession, not a stream, but a tidal wave, growing larger with each passing moment. He fell to his knees at her bedside and released a pained sob. It was loud enough to rouse the Knights from their meditation, and the first thing they saw was their leader, knelt in reverence and crying. 

He ghosted his fingers over his mothers’, wishing he could hold grip her hand and lend her strength. “How.” He croaked. He turned red-rimmed eyes to Rey. “How is she alive? I was there, I saw what happened. She should be dead.” He heard the collective intake of breath from his Knights, but ignored them.

_ Apparently, she used the Force. _ Rey told him quietly.  _ She made it to an access door. She’s a little worse for wear, but she’s here. She’s alive.  _

_ I found out that you were on Chandrila barely an hour after I thought she’d died. I thought I would lose both of you in one day, and I’ve never been so terrified. _ She was sure that the shock had him speaking in streams of consciousness, because Kylo Ren would never admit to such a thing.

“What’s going on, Rey?” Poe asked, nudging her foot with his toe. 

“He’s...I wouldn’t say happy, but grateful. Shocked, for sure.” She told them quietly. “He loves her very much. More than he realized, I think. And he thought he’d lost her today.”

“He would have if he’d managed to get the shot off first.” Finn grunted. “We saw his TIE Silencer. We know he was there.” Rey bristled. 

“You—”

_ I don’t care what he thinks. _ Kylo stopped her.  _ You know the truth. You know I couldn’t do it. And you know how I felt when I thought she’d died.  _

_ It doesn’t mean he should kick you while you’re down. _

_ I would have done the same, were the situations reversed. He has every reason to hate me. _

_ So do I. But I don’t. _

_ You’ve seen far more of me than he has. I still think you see far more than you should.  _ He reminded her, not unkindly.  _ Thank you for giving me this. _

_ I wouldn’t have kept it from you. Ever. _ She promised. He clutched at their connection greedily. 

_ I’ll see you soon. _ He murmured. She revelled in the open affection and gratitude he sent her way. 

_ Soon. _ She promised. Then he was gone. 

“You know he can hear you, right?” She asked once his presence had cleared the room. Finn’s eyes widened. Oh. Maybe he didn’t. “He spent the last day thinking that his mother had died, and your instinct was to say that it was because he couldn’t do it first? When he kneeling in front of her and crying from gratitude that she’d survived, you had to cut him down?”

“Since when can he hear what  _ we _ say?” Finn demanded. “I thought you could just speak to each other? Since when does that extend to us as well?”

“Since always! I can block him out, but when he’s here, he can see and feel everything that I can.” She snapped. 

Finn regarded her coldly. “Have you considered how much danger that puts us in? Maybe you shouldn’t be here.” He growled. Rey recoiled as though she’d been struck. 

“You don’t mean that, buddy.” Poe said disappointedly. “You need to come to grips with the situation, because Rey’s doing her best with what she’s got. Without her bond, we’d have been toast on Chandrila.”

“Not to mention how screwed you’d be without a Jedi.” Amalia chuckled. “Especially when they have eight.”

“That monster has complete access to our base and our strategy the second she lets her guard down.”

“He has no idea where we are. I’ve made sure of it.” She snapped. “I’m not stupid, Finn. I know how to take care of myself, and I sure as hell don’t let people take advantage of me. But hey, if you don’t want me here, you can decide. Amalia and I are going to Naboo in two days. If you don’t want me to come back, I won’t.” She growled. She grasped Leia’s hand once more before storming from the room. 

Poe sighed. “You’re going to have to apologize to her.”

“She has to see how much danger she’s putting us in!” Finn argued.

“Not that much, actually.” Amalia snapped. “Believe it or not, she all but has Kylo Ren wrapped around her little finger, and his Knights follow his lead to the letter. He won’t raise a finger against her. He committed treason to save her today, and risked his own life in contacting me.”

“Who the hell are you, anyways?”

“I’m one of the two Padawans that the Knights of Ren couldn’t kill.” She growled. She felt a dark satisfaction when his face paled and his jaw dropped.  “If Snoke found out that I was alive, they would be slaughtered. He risked that to get her to safety. So get your head out of your ass.” 

* * *

“General Organa’s alive?” Quaisel asked tentatively, approaching their master as though he were a wounded animal. 

He nodded once, slowly climbing to his feet and scraping a hand over his face. “Apparently she’s stronger with the Force than I’d realized. She managed pull herself back to the Raddus after the bridge blew.” He told them. 

“That’s incredible.” Messida breathed. 

“She’s comatose.” He informed them. “She won’t able to move about comfortably for some time. Her lungs...she’s being heavily dosed with rehydration fluid.” 

“But she’s alive. And you know General Organa. The woman doesn’t do down easy.” Aro assured him. Nero nodded. She’d tried to kill Leia once, and had nearly lost a leg for it.

“It’s weird, right? That we’re hoping she’ll pull through? It’s new.” Vestis noted quickly. Aro clapped her on the back reassuringly. 

“The times are changing.” He reminded her. 

“And we’re going to give Amalia Shan a Kyber Crystal.”

“And Rey.” Kylo noted absently. 

“She has a saber.” Nero frowned. “Why does she need another?”

“She has my grandfather’s saber. Not her own. She doesn’t feel as comfortable wielding the saber as she does her quarterstaff. If you’re all amenable, I’d like to give her what she requires to make a saberstaff. Like yours.” He nodded to Vestis. 

“If keeping you safe means keeping her safe by giving her the means to fight comfortably, I’m all for it.” Quaisel piped up. The rest mumbled their agreements. Even Nero.

“We’ll need to go to Ilum before Naboo.” Salvis said. 

“Not all of us.” Nero disagreed. “That would look too suspicious.”

“I’ll be going. I’m sure I’ll be able to tell which crystals suits Rey best.” Kylo said.

“I’ll pick for Amalia.” Salvis muttered.

“I’d like to come, too.” Tyvis said. “In case Grigori comes back.” He explained. 

“Three Jedi. We’re supplying three Jedi with weapons.” Vestis recounted. 

“Two for sure, and one potential. And they’re not really Jedi.” Quaisel reminded her. She waved him off. 

“Semantics.”

“You don’t have to help if you’re unsure, Vestis.” Kylo reminded her. “I only ask that you don’t turn us in.”

She glared at him fiercely. “We’re in this together.” She snapped. “We always have been. I’m just...I need you to all  _ understand _ what we’re doing here. We always move so fast and don’t really think until the deed is done. There’s too much at stake for that this time.”

Kylo nodded. “We understand. But the second you’re unsure…”

“You’ll know.” She agreed. 

“And you’ll meet us on Naboo?” Salvis asked. She seemed to be shoring up her defenses, both mental and physical. She needed them there when she reunited with Amalia. Vestis nodded. 

“I think we’ll all be there.” Vestis murmured. “We have each others’ backs.” She wasn’t sure if she was reminding her teammates or herself. She and Messida were cut from similar cloth—rationality and clear paths were essential. Messida was just better at adapting—she was the one with the knack for research. Vestis needed to be confident—to see all the possible paths and their outcomes before she made a decision. And she hated straying from those decisions once they were made. 

“Do me a favor.” Kylo sneered suddenly. “When you join us on Naboo, bring some of the training sabers. The last thing I need is for that reckless maniac to slice her arm off.”

Aro cackled. “I’ll bring them. But with all that worrying you’re doing, you should consider taking up your old name.”

Kylo chucked a piece of practice-saber debris at his head as he fled the room laughing.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Ilum was controlled by the First Order, but only the Knights of Ren could reap any value from it. Ilum housed the galaxy’s last flourishing source of Kyber Crystals, and only the Knights of Ren were permitted access to the planet’s surface.

 

The Crystal Cave was awe inspiring to any and all who witnessed it, no matter which side they happened to fall on. The rebuilt Jedi temple that sat atop its opening was Kylo’s favorite place in the galaxy, barring Naboo. 

 

_ Rey. _ He murmured as he ventured through the cave.  _ Rey, come here. _

 

Salvis was somewhere behind him, and Tyvis was somewhere ahead of him. They were letting the Force guide them through the cave. 

 

_ Ben? _ She murmured. It was late, wherever she was. Her voice was thick with sleep, and he could feel her bleariness.  _ What’s wrong? _

 

_ Nothing. _ He assured her.  _ Come here.  _ Slower than he’d anticipated, she acquiesced. She appeared at his side a moment later in only her tunic; pants and shoes abandoned. He decided not to notice her long, lean legs where the sides of said tunic parted. She blinked a few times, still clearing sleep from her mind, before her eyes widened in awe at the multifaceted magnificence of the Crystal Cave. 

 

_ Oh my... _ She whispered, awestruck.  _ Where are you? _

 

_ Salvis is picking Amalia’s Kyber Crystal. And I am picking yours. _ He told her. She spun to face him, face painted in shock. 

 

_ You’re getting me my own kyber?  _ She breathed. He nodded once.  _ Why? _

 

_ As adept as you are at wielding my family heirloom, nothing feels quite like building your own saber. One that suits your needs and fighting style. I think it’s time for you to build your own.  _ He murmured, eyes drinking in her face. Her eyes couldn’t decide where to land—they crystalline cave or his face—but outright awe seemed to be the consistent expression.  _ A saberstaff, perhaps. Similar in length and weight to your quarterstaff, but with a double saber blade. In a color all your own. But the best way to do it is to feel for the crystal that speaks to you. That resonates with you. _ He flinched in alarm when moisture started gathering in the corners of her eyes.  _ Why are you crying? _ He demanded harshly. 

 

She broke out in a watery smile.  _ Nobody’s ever given me anything before, and this is...so much more than I could have ever dreamed. _ She told him. He had expected her voice to waver, but it was clear as it brushed through his mind. If she’d spoken aloud, he supposed the result would be different. 

 

_ Someone gave you my grandfather’s lightsaber. _ He disagreed. 

 

She shook her head.  _ It called to me, and Maz Kanata knew she couldn’t keep it from me. That in that moment, it was mine. Passed down by legacy. She didn’t have to go out of her way or put in thought. It wasn’t a gift, it was fate. This is a gift.  _

 

She was openly crying now, and he wasn’t sure how to proceed.  _ Please stop crying. I’ve never known how to deal with crying. _ He uttered uncomfortably. She laughed aloud; a crumpled, sniffling sound that made the tips of his ears go pink—from embarrassment or fondness, he wasn’t entirely sure.  _ Come on. Reach out with the Force. Through me. Something in here should call to you.   _

 

She held out her hand to him, and he quailed at the gesture. Tentatively, he pulled off a glove, fingers first. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him with anything other than aggression, and even longer still since someone else had initiated the contact. 

 

The electricity was palpable when their fingers touched. Even Salvis and Tyvis halted their movement through the cave. “What was  _ that? _ ” Salvis barked. It sounded like it was yelled through water. They didn’t pay her any heed, lost in the sudden and total deepening of their connection. The feel of each other’s skin, amplified tenfold by the Force. Rey’s heart raced, tempted equally to yank her hand away and to pull him closer. He felt much the same, staring in shock at their entwined hands. He slid his hand further into hers, reveling in the radiating heat and vibrant energy that ricocheted between them. 

 

_ You feel so... _ She couldn’t find an adequate word to finish the sentiment, so she simply stepped closer to him. 

 

_ You too. _ He agreed. She trembled. His low rumble felt closer to her than it had when she’d been strapped down on Starkiller.  _ Perfect.  _ He shook his head.  _ While I would certainly like to explore this further, I can only spend so much time on this planet.  _ He whispered to her, reluctant to distract from this feeling.  _ Looking for your crystal isn’t like looking with your eyes. For you, it will be like searching for a light in the dark.  _ He instructed, almost gentle. 

 

Rey forced herself to concentrate. It was difficult with the rivulets of warmth, power, balance, and utter belonging that were coursing through her, but she focused her attention on the cave. They moved through it together, hands entwined as she walked ahead of him. He could feel her reach out this time. Their powers were combined and he felt exactly what she felt. Saw what she saw. 

 

Then she saw them. A tiny but brilliant cluster tucked into a crevice. Kylo frowned. It was certainly more than two, and he’d expected two if she were to construct a saberstaff. They drew closer to it. There were three crystals, one color, that were nestled so closely together that they may as well have been entwined. Three violently violet crystals. One was long and jagged, as though composed of shards. The other two shorter and sharp, almost twins. 

 

_ Ours. _ She murmured. He jolted, a surge of primal satisfaction flooding him at the truth of her words. 

 

_ Ours. _ He agreed.  _ But I already have a saber. _ He added, openly offering her his confusion at the Force’s new offering. She looked up at him, face glowing. 

 

_ When I was running from you, what I found most terrifying was your saber. Whenever you turned it on, there was this raw, unhinged and fractured energy that suffocated me, and I had to get away.  _ She squeezed his hand a little tighter.  _ Maybe this means that you’re ready to become whole. That  _ **_we’re_ ** _ ready to become whole. _

 

He swallowed. Her clean and thorough analysis digging into his chest. What she was suggesting sounded like a dream—something far away and unattainable.  _ I don’t know what that means. _

 

_ We’ll figure it out. _ She promised.  _ Take the crystals.  _ She urged.  _ And we’ll figure it out together.  _

 

_ I’ll have to let go of your hand to get them out without damaging them. _ He told her. There was a petulant note to his tone. She smiled at him fondly before gently detangling her fingers from his. The loss wasn’t as devastating as he thought it would be—her connection to him was thrown wide open, and he could still feel her presence, even if it wasn’t occupying him as thoroughly like it had before. 

 

_ You can hold my hand anytime.  _ She crooned, clearly teasing him. He growled threateningly, but her smile only widened. Extracting the crystals from the rock to which they were tethered was no easy feat. It required him to use the Force with ultra-fine precision, breaking away the enclosing rock to unearth the embedded formation. 

 

Rey noted that Salvis had already extracted Amalia’s crystal. It was a vibrant green. Tyvis was delicately unearthing another, and it was throwing off a warmer hue. She realized rather slowly that he was doing it for his brother. She’d already forgotten his name. She’d have to ask again. 

 

Kylo had successfully removed the first crystal—one of Rey’s, even though his was far easier to remove. He continued to remove her second crystal, ignoring his own deftly.  _ Why aren’t you taking yours out?  _ She prodded. 

 

_ I didn’t come here for myself. _ He reminded her. _ I came for you.  _

 

_ And Amalia. _ She reminded him, eyes twinkling. 

 

He rolled his eyes.  _ And Amalia. _ He grunted, disliking being strong armed into sentimentality.  _ I do owe her. _

 

_ You definitely do. _ She snorted. 

 

He rolled his eyes again.  _ Yes, I owe her for my past mistakes, but that’s not what I meant. I owe her for getting you off Chandrila safely.  _

 

She flushed.  _ Oh.  _

 

 _Yes,_ ** _oh._** He smirked. Second crystal successfully extracted. Finally, he started on his own. He was much less delicate with the process than he’d been with hers. 

 

_ Careful! You’ll crack it! _ She cried. 

 

_ I don’t mind. It’s what I’m used to. It’ll be much less intimidating in purple than it is in red, though.  _ He drawled. Ultimately, he didn’t crack it. There was, however, a sizeable chip in it’s base. “I’m all set.” He called back to his companions. 

 

“Took you long enough.” Salvis groused. He shot her an annoyed look. “What took so long?” He held out his hand to show her his quarry. “What kind of weapon could she possibly make that requires three crystals?” She demanded irately.

 

“One of them’s for him.” Tyvis grunted. “Since she used the Force to find hers through him, I’m guessing it showed them what was best suited for both of them.”

 

Kylo squinted at him. It wasn’t like Tyvis to be insightful, so the few times it did happen, he was typically at a loss. “Just so.” He murmured thoughtfully. Tyvis sent him a lopsided grin. 

 

“Just because I usually let Messida and Vestis think for me, doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain of my own.” He chuckled. 

 

“Of course I know that. It’s just unlike you to let us know when you’ve actually used it.” 

 

_ Be nice. _ Rey scolded.

 

_ Perish the thought. Do you have any idea what that would to my reputation? _

 

_ Nerfherder.  _ She scoffed fondly.  _ I need to... _ She glanced down.  _ Put on pants! Kriff!  _

 

_ I was wondering when you’d notice.  _

 

_ Why didn’t you say something?  _ She shrieked. 

 

He leered.  _ I was enjoying the view. _

 

_ Stow your perversions or I’m telling the whole galaxy that you’re a hand-holder. And that you probably like to cuddle. _

 

_ Literally nobody would believe you. _

 

_ But I’d certainly make them wonder. _

 

_ Go put your pants on, scavenger. _

 

Like a breeze, her presence whispered over the bond as she snapped their connection shut.

* * *

The time between their departure from Ilum and their arrival on Naboo was passed in something like a dream-state for Kylo. He watched impatiently as Rey loaded her belongings on her work-in-progress refurbished ShadowCaster alongside Amalia. He noted with some satisfaction that she seemed to be at odds with FN-2187...Finn. Dameron was helping her refuel and resupply, and was doing so with startlingly little malice towards the man who had violently invaded his mind. He found himself oddly grateful to the pilot. 

He, Salvis, and Tyvis had to wait in deep space until their final approach to Naboo. If they were seen coming and going too frequently from First Order bases and vessels, the Supreme Leader would undoubtedly grow suspicious of them. With the rest of his Knights aboard the Finalizer, he couldn’t risk such a thing. But sitting in deep space for hours on end while Salvis and Tyvis screwed their anxiety out in their shared bunk was unfathomably boring, so he settled for watching Rey as she made her final preparations.

And, when she had a spare moment, holding her hand. 

That part of the bond—the physical contact—was an entirely unexplored venue. They were starved for touch. Rey, because she had learned not to trust it. Kylo, because people had learned not to trust him. They revelled in each other. 

A few times, right when they made contact, a picture would flash through their minds, like a glitched-out holovid. He’d tried to chase after the images, but they flitted away far too fast. Rey in a dress. Kylo on a throne. A temple. A veritable rainbow of lightsabers. His knights. Amalia. Rey in a traditional training tunic. Kylo in the same. A circular room, lined with chairs. An amphitheater, brimming with life. 

_ What do you think they mean?  _ She asked, as she hurtled through space towards him. 

_ Force visions typically show you the potential outcomes of your myriad of choices. _ He’d droned.  _ It’s unlikely that all of those would come to pass.  _

_ I’m particularly nervous about the one with you seated like some sort of king. Mostly about how you got there. You’re not exactly one to get what you want with diplomacy. _

_ I’m mostly interested in the one where you’re wearing a dress. Lovely, but impractical. And you’re anything but impractical.  _

She made a noncommittal noise.  _ What if they do show one, unified future.  _

_ The rest of those visions are highly unlikely to coincide with me being in a seat of power.  _

_ Well that just depends on how the war turns out. _ She murmured, looking up from her control panel to gaze at him.  _ Maybe not a throne. Maybe a Chancellor. Maybe just an honored advisory seat.  _ She chuckled. 

_ Where did you learn about governmental structures on Jakku? _ He griped, still unaccustomed to being teased.

_ I had a lot of time after I left Luke. I started reading through the text that General Organa salvaged from the archives.  _ She told him.  _ I don’t know if I have the stomach for politics, but all that structure—after Jakku, it’s fascinating. There, it’s all survival. Basic trade and a pecking order. I never imagined that something as complex as the Republic existed and functioned.  _

_ By the end, it didn’t function.  _ Kylo reminded her.  _ That’s the premise upon which my grandfather turned. _

_ Luke said that he turned because he let his love for a Senator overrun him with fear and hunger for the power to save her. _ She drawled, raising an eyebrow expectantly. 

_ Skywalker is notorious for self-serving half-truths.  _ He grimaced. _ It’s because of the Senate’s inability to function that Palpatine—Darth Sidious—gained enough power in the Senate to require a Jedi escort. My grandfather. _ He explained, as though to a child. She lapped it up, so he continued, telling her about his grandparents and their war. 

“Okay, so you’ve been zoned out for like two hours, and honestly I’m feeling a little neglected.” Amalia huffed. “What are you two even talking about?”

Rey smiled at her. “He’s telling me about the history of the Republic and the rise of the Galactic Empire.” Kylo grimaced, as though he knew what was coming next.

Amalia groaned loudly, flopping back dramatically in the co-pilot seat. “ _ Again? _ I know you have a hard on for your family history, but it’s been ten years. Don’t you have new material?” She begged.

_I appreciate all history, not just my family’s._ _There’s nothing new in the galaxy. Only the history you do not know._ He sniffed imperiously. Rey giggled, and he peered down at her, annoyed. 

“Let me guess:  _ There is nothing new in the galaxy, only the history you do not know. _ ” Amalia mocked his deep voice, scrunching her shoulders up and drawing her face into an exaggerated scowl. Rey cracked then, and howled with laughter. “The number of times I was subjected to that uppity butthead with all of his precise and excessively condescending turns of phrase.” She snorted. “Honestly, Kylo, all I wanted was a  _ new _ story. Not the same one about your bleeding grandparents the whole kriffing time. I know you had more. You spent every waking moment in that bloody library.”

_ I wonder if breaking her teeth is an acceptable method of muffling her incessant nattering.  _ He growled. 

“He said ‘shut up’. But with more violent overtures.” She grinned, body still shaking with mirth. She stilled when she heard a shriek emanate from his side of the bond. “What was  _ that? _ ” She hissed. He grimaced, eyes darting flitting towards the direction the noise came from. “Are you torturing someone while we talk?” She demanded hotly. Amalia looked faintly alarmed, but unsurprised.

_ That would be Salvis and Tyvis.  _ He told her irately.  _ Salvis is experiencing some anxiety regarding reunification with her sister. She is taking that anxiety out on Tyvis. And Tyvis is doing his utmost to keep her mind off of it.  _ A loud, rather destructive sounding thump followed his statement.  _ And apparently to destroy my ship in the process. _ Rey blushed furiously. 

“It seems counterproductive to get your blood pumping with torture before a peaceful meeting on a peaceful planet.” Amalia noted, somewhat unconcerned.

“No one’s being tortured.” Rey choked. “I think.”

_ Well, Salvis does enjoy a significant amount of pain with her sexual encounters. _ Kylo mused, this time not intentionally making Rey uncomfortable.  _ Is it torture if she seeks the pain that qualifies it as such? Or just masochism?  _

_ Can we not?  _ She begged. “Apparently your sister is anxious about seeing you, and is...working out her stress with Tyvis.” She coughed. “And, to quote Ben, she enjoys a significant amount of pain with her sexual encounters.”

Amalia grinned wolfishly. “I guess it runs in the family.” Rey choked on air. 

“I really...can’t. I can’t deal with any of you.” She muttered, shaking her head. “Between you lot and Poe, sex has become part of my daily conversations, and I have no idea how that happened.”

Amalia considered her carefully. “Where are you from?” Rey’s eyebrows jumped in surprise. Everyone she’d been interacting with knew where she was from before she’d even spoken to them, thanks to Finn.

“Jakku.”

“That explains it. Even thinking about sex is hazardous on a planet like Jakku. Unless you’re in one of those tiny settlements.” Amalia nodded. “It’s all take what you want and trade for the highest bid there.” Both Rey and Kylo narrowed their eyes at her. She pursed her lips when she noticed. “Back when I was a little more paranoid, before I realized I’d completely dropped off of Salvis’ priority list, I’d leave Chandrila as often as possible. It was more of a home base. I spent tons of time off planet. Including on Jakku. I had a few...negative encounters. And—don’t tell Salvis about this—I sold myself for a while on Tatooine.” She admitted. “I ran afoul of the Hutts, and had to pay them off to get away. I didn’t have enough to get off planet, so I worked until I did.” She glanced down self consciously. “The scar took away from my value. It took a while.”

Kylo had gone stiff with fury and pale with guilt. Rey bit her lip. Amalia was still staring at the ground. “It always baffled me, the way Poe would talk about sex. Like it was this amazing mutual experience, and the only thing he got from it was an orgasm.” Rey started slowly, willing Kylo to remain calm for what would come next. She could feel his eyes burning into her. Amalia hadn’t looked up. “On Jakku, sex is a currency, not an experience. At least, it was for people like me. People tried to steal it from me at first, but found out quickly that I fought too hard for it to be worthwhile. I think one of the Irving Boys told Unkar Plutt that he wanted me. Suddenly, the parts I brought in were earning fewer and fewer portions. Within two weeks, I was close to starving. Jokul Irving came to the AT-AT I was living in and told me that if I gave him what he wanted, he’d give me fifty portions. I was so hungry and so tired that I agreed. He brought me to their encampment, tied me up, and used me for three days. He didn’t feed me until he was done. He broke me.” 

A wave of fury washed over her. The unhinged type—Kylo’s brand. She reached up and slowly unraveled her arm coverings. As the constellation of scars revealed themselves to Kylo’s eyes, his rage devolved into unbridled bloodlust. She wondered absently why he hadn’t seen all of this before, when he’d been digging around in her mind, but continued. “He tossed me in front of in the sand in front of my AT-AT and dumped the ration packets on top of me. I was in too much pain to move, so it was two more days before I could find the strength to crawl back inside. Between the sunburn and the sand in my injuries, the scarring was...hideous. I hate seeing my arms. These scars remind me how weak I was, and how easily I bent to that weakness.” 

Amalia had lifted her head to stare at her arm at some point. Rey couldn’t meet either of their eyes, shame and disgust in herself overpowering her. She felt a hand wrap around her chin, firmly but gently forcing her to lift her eyes to meet Kylo’s. She wanted to hide from their intensity.  _ Disgust and shame have no place in your self-consideration.  _ He growled, eyes narrowing dangerously into murderous, possessive, and protective slits.  _ Our scars aren’t flaws. They’re reminders that we’re survivors and warriors. And that the things we think will break us make us stronger.  _ He wrapped his hand around her wrist and drew her hand up to his scar. The ‘this scar proves I’m a warrior and you have made me stronger’ was implied. 

“Your scars don’t make you less.” Amalia murmured. She wasn’t sure what Rey was gently stroking in midair, but it had the full attention of her teary eyes. At her words, Rey turned her vulnerable, penetrating gaze to her.

“Neither do yours.”

* * *

Rey hadn’t been to many planets but after Takodana, she hadn’t expected to find anything nearly as beautiful. Naboo outdid Takodana by leaps and bounds. It was lush and green, vibrantly colorful, and architecturally stunning. 

 

Kylo could feel the whispers of her amazement fluttering through her mind. He had retreated to his own ship, and had yanked Salvis and Tyvis from their coital activities to make their final approach. The rest of the Knights had joined them in two separate cruisers a few hours prior, and were descending with him in quick succession. 

 

“Here we are. Welcome to Varykino, home of the Naberrie family line.” Amalia declared. Rey was struck breathless. At the center of the clearest, bluest lake she could have ever dreamed of was a lush island. There was a grand building seated at the waterfront was a beautiful building with multiple domed roofs, with sandy walls that reminded her of Jakku and pale blue turrets that emulated Naboo’s clear blue sky. 

 

“The Naberrie family?” Rey asked distractedly.

 

“Kylo Ren’s maternal grandmother.” Amalia explained. “Darth Vader’s wife. Queen and Senator for Naboo. The one he undoubtedly regaled you about.” 

 

“You chose his ancestral home? This isn’t exactly neutral ground.”

 

“Oh, it is. This is essentially sacred ground. Padme Naberrie Amidala was essentially a saint. Fought for democracy and the good of all life until her dying breath. Made a thriving alliance with the subaquatic natives. Saved the Nubian people from the Separatist annexation. She was a force of nature.” Amalia told her seriously. “She has her own celebration day. The Naberrie festival. Thousands of lanterns set on the lake. It’s beautiful. This home is sacred to them.”

 

They had some time to kill, so Amalia gave her a perfunctory tour. “How do you know so much about the place?”

 

“We came here a few times with Ben. When Luke needed to assist the Republic, he’d give us leave and put the older students in charge. We usually came here.” She glanced at Rey, giving her a cursory once-over. “We need to change.” She decided suddenly. “C’mon. There should still be some clothes in their clean storage unit.”

 

“We can’t just wear someone else’s clothes.” Rey frowned. 

 

“Of course we can. They were left here for the friends and family of Queen Amidala.” She chuckled. “We count.” She insisted, pulling Rey through the halls of the ancestral home. She managed to find a simple dress in the sea of elaborate garments. It was floor length, but light and airy. Unlike the others, which were adorned with precious metals, it was all some sort of barely-there, watery fabric in a myriad of pastels, with a high neck and appropriate substitutions for her arm wraps—delicate but opaque flowing sleeves that were unattached to the dress itself. 

 

“I can’t wear that.” Rey mumbled. “It’s too nice.”

 

“Um, no. You’re wearing it. Strip. Use the refresher. Put this on. I’ll do your hair.”

 

Rey’s hand flew to her hair. “I’m...um…”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m kind of attached to this.” She admitted dully. 

 

“We’ll just class it up a bit. Now hurry up. I need to use the refresher, too. I don’t want to be covered in Genassa’s atmosphere and recycled air when I see my sister for the first time in a decade.” 

 

Reluctantly, Rey drifted into the refresher. She’d come to adore them, especially if they had both water and sonics. She scrubbed herself clean, almost taking longer to avoid putting that dress on. It was too beautiful. Even the dress in her shared vision with Ben—it had been beautiful, but not as light and feminine. It had been almost been something that she would regularly wear—an extra long, raw silk tunic over fitted leather leggings. This was something different, and she couldn’t see herself in it. It was too beautiful for someone as insignificant as her. 

 

_ What would it take for me to get you to stop disparaging yourself every ten minutes? _ A dry voice murmured. She jumped.

 

_ I’m in a refresher. Please don’t look. _

 

_ I won’t.  _ He assured her.  _ I couldn’t hear what you were thinking, but you were feeling fairly self-deprecating. I knew something wasn’t right when I started worrying about what I’d look like in a dress.  _ He drawled. She grinned, laughter bursting forth. 

 

_ Amalia wants me to wear something different. _ She told him.  _ What she chose doesn’t really suit me. I’m more...practical in my tastes.  _

 

_ You think it’s too beautiful for you.  _ She could almost feel his glare.  _ Why don’t you put it on, and I’ll tell you what I think when we arrive. _

 

_ How soon will that be? _

 

_ An hour. _ He said smoothly.  _ Will you let me be the judge? _

 

She bit her lip, but agreed. A low hum of satisfaction echoed across the bond. The vision of her, strong and bold in the dark grey raw silk gown flickered through her head.  _ That one feels more like me.  _ She told him.  _ I’d probably love to wear that. _

 

_ Silk is far stiffer than it looks. You might be surprised.  _ He mused.  _ I have to go. Salvis is playing with my flight control settings. _

 

She slipped out of the refresher and Amalia helped her into the dress. “You can’t look at yourself until I’m done putting it all together.” Amalia told her. Rey nodded, apprehensive. She pulled at Rey’s hair, prodding and twisting it into place with a practiced finesse. “You’re ready. I’m going to go bathe now.”

 

Rey faced the mirror apprehensively, and didn’t recognize what gazed back at her. She was scrubbed clean, and her hair (which had only ever been combed with her own fingers) was carded back neatly into a fiercer version of her signature hairstyle, angling upwards to sharpen her cheekbones. The dress began at the crux of her throat, exposing skin on the path to her sternum and elongating her neck almost regally. From there, fitted loosely but accurately to her body in tight, delicate ruches, then flowed away from her hips in loose ripples of fabric that moved like water in dusty, dancing greens, pinks and blues. She looked like a different creature entirely—fierce nobility instead of a rough scavenger. A lie. She wasn’t a jedi, she wasn’t a padawan, she wasn’t a princess, general, senator or otherwise. She was a Jakku pauper, and in this dress she felt like a fraud. 

 

She turned in it, watching longingly as the fabric fluttered around her legs. It felt like she was wrapped in air. 

 

She stared at herself, absorbing the picture before her. The illusion of elegance that had overtaken her, when she was scrappy and raw and violent underneath. Before she knew it, Amalia was at her side, sharing the mirror in a deep blue gown made from fluttering sheer silk. She’d woven her hair into an elaborate network of braids laid over pin straight tresses, and fastened in place by delicate silver ornaments. 

 

“I learned how to do my hair on Chandrila.” Amalia told her, admiring her handiwork. “A man, an galactic sustenance supply distributor, took a fancy to me after I worked on his ship. For years, he would invite me to elaborate dinners with his peers, and the Chandrila Ball in honor of the Hanna regime. He ultimately left me because his acquaintances believed me to be grotesque. But until then, I always polished myself for him. I retained that finesse. Just in case.” 

 

“I don’t look like myself.” Rey muttered, wrapping her arms around herself uncomfortably. 

 

“You do. A diamond can be used to make jewelry, or it can be used to focus a laser. It doesn’t matter what you dress it in. The thing that makes it work is still the diamond.” Amalia soothed. Rey nodded, doing her best to internalize the words. “Let’s eat before they get here.” She urged, placing a gentle, guiding hand on Rey’s shoulder. 

 

Shortly thereafter, they heard the dull hum of an approaching craft and a tingle went up Rey’s spine. The word  _ presence _ suddenly held new meaning. Wordlessly, both women moved towards the landing platform. Amalia reached out to grip Rey’s hand as the three cruisers landed. The grip tightened as the ships doors opened and gangplanks opened. 

 

Quaisel, Tyvis and Nero emerged first, approaching them purposefully. “Amalia.” Nero drawled, ice blue eyes raking over her former friend. “You look well.” 

 

“As do you, Nero. Quaisel. Tyvis.” She nodded to each of them. “It’s been a long time.”

 

Quaisel wasn’t looking her in the eye, staring instead at a point somewhere behind her head. “It has.” He droned. 

 

“Salvis misses you.” Tyvis grumbled, meeting Amalia’s eyes with a fierce intensity. “She has nightmares. She doesn’t know that I know. I hear her yelling your name. She’s been quite...anxious, these last few days.”

 

“Heard you were helping her with that.” Amalia sniped. Rey shot her a sharp look, urging her to play nicely. 

 

“I do my best.” Tyvis said, unaffected. Rey noted that Messida, Aro, and Vestis were joining them, each carrying a heavy tactical duffel. They stopped when they reached the group, dropping their duffels. 

 

Vestis greeted her distantly, but Messida came closer, placing a hand on her shoulder and murmuring a greeting in her native tongue. One that sounded intimate. If Rey wasn’t mistaken, Amalia seemed misty-eyed. “She can’t wait to see you.” Rey heard Messida croon.

 

“She doesn’t expect your forgiveness.” Vestis blurted. “She expects you to pay her back in kind, and demanded that we not retaliate.” 

 

Amalia nodded crisply. “Good to know.” She intoned. The Knights would have heard a dark tint of vengeance, but Rey recognized it better. She was terrified. Or at least sickeningly anxious. 

 

“It’s good to see you, Lia.” Aro smiled at her, far softer than Rey had thought him capable of. Amalia’s jaw twitched. 

 

“Aro.” She murmured. Messida stepped back to allow Aro to move into Amalia’s personal space. Her trembled somewhat piteously when he wrapped his hand around the nape of her neck and pulled her forward to place a delicate kiss on her forehead. 

 

“We missed you.” He murmured into her hair. His eyes slid to the side as he disengaged from her. “You must be Rey.” He greeted her. He was the first to do so. Nero fixed her with a calculating stare. “I hear we have you to thank for this tense reunion.”

 

“I suppose so.” Rey allowed, tilting her head. Watching this man harden in the span of a glance was fascinating. “Although, it was Ben’s idea to involve Amalia. I mostly just went where I was told.” 

 

“She seems a bit too timid to be the girl that overpowered Kylo.” Nero drawled. “Are you some pretty decoy for the graceless scavenger we’ve heard so much about?” She cooed condescendingly.

 

A wave of irritation washed over her, and she was legitimately irate enough to not realize that the feelings weren’t entirely hers. She flicked her wrist to the side, and Nero went flying. Tyvis guffawed and Quaisel cracked an amused smile. Aro barked with laughter. “That’s her alright.”

 

Without the walls of the ship separating them, the intensity of their bond became almost suffocating. The air pulsed with it, and they all froze. Rey’s eyes immediately snapped to the doors to the ship, and there he was. Clear as day, and utterly present. He and Salvis strode towards them. 

 

_ I cannot believe, _ he growled.  _ That you cannot see what I see.  _ She raised her eyebrows in confusion. His eyes were boring holes into her, and the intensity in both his gaze and his stride made her want to run. Whether that was to him, or from him, she wasn’t sure. 

 

_ What? _

 

_ You ridiculous woman. Fretting that you’d look unacceptable or like an impostor and then greeting me looking more perfect than any queen could pray to be.  _ When he was almost upon her, he reached a hand out, and she could feel the pressure of his Force pull as it wrapped around waist and dragged her into his arms. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she pressed her face into the base of his sternum as he snaked his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. Their bond sang around them harmoniously, igniting the air with a violent sense of balance and belonging _. Perfection.  _ He groaned (it sounded like a prayer), drawing her closer. 

 

Behind them, his Knights stared unabashed and mouths agape. Except Salvis, whose eyes hadn’t left her sister’s. “Amalia.” Salvis whispered; a pitiful and broken sound. 

 

“Hello Salvis.” Amalia replied blankly. Blank was how she hid panic. Her eyes drank in the woman before her. “I know it’s been a decade, but I didn’t expect you to look so different.”

 

“Nor I, you.” Salvis agreed tremulously. “You look so…mature. You’ve grown.” The tension between them was thick and suffocating. “You’re beautiful.” She breathed. 

 

“I’m not.” Amalia snapped, drawing the Knights’ attention back to her. “I’m pitiful. People only approach me if they feel  _ sorry  _ for me, or if they need to reassemble machinery. The only person to even look at me in ten years abandoned me because the society we lived in deemed me  _ monstrous. _ ”

 

Salvis hung her head, sleek black hair falling around her face as it crumpled in distress. “Amalia...” 

 

“Don’t. Don’t say anything. Don’t apologize. I know you’re sorry. Sorry doesn’t do me any good.” She snapped. “It won’t heal my scar. It won’t fix the years of abandonment and heartbreak. What I want to hear is that you want me back.”

 

Salvis’ head shot back up, hope and shock etched into the lines of her face. “I wanted you back the second I left you. I’ve missed you so much.” She uttered reverently, reaching a hand up to delicately hold Amalia’s cheek against her palm. Amalia brought her own hand up to hold her sister’s in place, leaning into the touch as the tension began to bleed away. 

 

Then, they were hugging, clutching at each other desperately as though trying to anchor themselves to one another. The dam broke, and Salvis sobbed wretchedly into her sister’s shoulder which only served to crack Amalia as well as she shook in her sister’s grasp. 

 

Messida tore her eyes away, sure that she was intruding just by looking. She turned back to Kylo, but he and Rey had disappeared. She elbowed Nero sharply. Let’s take the bags inside.” She muttered. Nero nodded and grabbed one, while she and Vestis grabbed the two others. Aro and Tyvis remained, but Quaisel followed them. His shoulders hunched under the weight of his distress.

 

“I didn’t know the scar would be so...dark.” Quaisel muttered angrily. “She’s lucky she isn’t blind in that eye.”

 

“It was that or kill her, Q.” Nero scoffed. “She looks fine to me. Besides, we all have scars.”

 

“But we didn’t give them to each other!” He snapped. “And we had each other to help us heal. Who did she have? Grigori? As soon as he got his cybernetic leg, he disappeared to the Outer Rim to work as a kriffing bounty hunter.”

 

“And what good is whining about it going to do now?” She demanded furiously. “What good does feeling guilty and staring at her flaws with pity do her?”

 

“It shows her that we care!” He bellowed.

 

“It shows her that we think she’s weak. Worse, that we can’t see past her scars to see her strength.” She hissed venomously. 

 

“Nero, quit it.” Messida insisted, but Nero ignored her willfully. 

 

“Honestly, is that the message you want to send? That you’re reconnecting out of pity? We can’t change the past, but why would we? She survived, and she’s stronger for it. So now, we don’t go back, we move forward. We take our lumps and let her be strong.” 

 

Quaisel looked appropriately shamefaced. “I don’t pity her. I’m disgusted by us. There’s a difference.”

 

“And how does that distinction help? How does wallowing in guilt do anything beneficial?” She demanded furiously. “Counterproposal. We recognize that we made poor choices, and resolve to do better.”

 

Quaisel gave her a mulish look, but nodded. Vestis sighed. “We’ve got a lot of work to do.” 

 


	7. Chapter 7

“Aren’t you going to say hello to Amalia?” Rey murmured as he pulled her through the halls of Varykino.    
  


“Later.” He growled. He pulled her out onto a veranda that overlooked the lake before letting go of her hand and stepping back to look at her. “I’ll admit, I don’t place a terribly high premium on beauty, but I appreciate it when I see it.” He told her. “I never want you to doubt yourself again. Ben Solo would have fallen to his knees for you without a second thought. And I find that I’m dreadfully tempted to do the same.” He raked his eyes over her, stare turning predatory in its heat. “Women like Nero are beautiful, it’s true. But Rey, women like you were made to  _ worship _ .” He stepped into her, crowding her and gripping her hip in a display of barely-there restraint, her name falling from his lips like a prayer. 

 

“Ben…” She protested, ducking her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It does.” He insisted furiously. “You can’t doubt yourself—your power, your importance, any of it.”

 

“I’m not important.” She disagreed. “Not like you. This all rests on you, Ben.”

 

“You are immeasurably important.” He rumbled frustratedly. “If not to anyone else, then to me.” His voice fell to a growl, and felt like an earthquake in her bones. “As to your doubts concerning your appearance,” he threw their bond open wide, bombarding her with his every thought and emotion as he pulled her closer, squeezing her hips in his sturdy hands and dropping his head to her shoulder so he could drag his lips across her neck. “See yourself through my eyes. See what you do to me, then dare to think you’re not utterly perfect.”

 

She saw herself, pinned up to a wall by nothing as he raked his hands over her body and she writhed against him, a wild creature with fire in her veins. 

 

She saw herself clinging desperately to his hair as he entered her from behind, her back arching against his front with one hand around her waist and another at the crux of her jaw and throat, glowing like a goddess under his influence and moaning like music. 

 

She saw him kneeling before her, gazing at her like she were sacred before lowering his mouth to her dripping slit and closing his eyes in reverence to her taste. 

 

The surge of dark and possessive need and devotion that choked him when he saw her on the landing pad. She felt his need to feel his skin under his palms. 

 

His utter admiration when she had called his grandfather’s saber. 

 

The primal satisfaction he felt when she defended him to Finn, and his absolute and all-encompassing terror when he’d received the report that she’d been sighted on Chandrila. The gratitude when she’d given him back his mother as gently and lovingly as an angel. 

 

“You have come to matter to me more than anything this galaxy could offer.” He murmured against her skin, vibrations sending shockwaves through her body. “I have my concerns about leaving Snoke and the First Order, but it’s moot. Except your word, nothing could drive me from your side.”

 

She whimpered, overwhelmed by the intensity in his voice, the sensations ricocheting through her body, and the vivid images that were still streaming through her mind. “Ben, please…” she begged, snaking a hand to her hair and pressing her closer. He growled and pulled her flush against him, then scraping his teeth across her pulse point. She moaned and pressed further into him. His hands left her hips, one wrapping around splay firmly across her lower back and the other sliding up her side to rest at her ribcage, thumb dancing across the fabric just below her breast. Absently, she noticed the Force harmonizing louder as she pressed closer. She pushed her hips against him desperately, head falling back with a keening moan. Their bond, and the Force around it, trembled under the weight of their passion as it echoed and amplified between them. 

 

Reluctantly, he loosened his grip and stepped back from her, gently easing their connection shut as he forced himself to disengage before he destroyed her lovely dress and defiled her on the veranda. Her body chased him, moving forward to reestablish contact, but he gripped her shoulder to halt her progress. “While the thought of taking you here in the open is incredibly appealing, I’d prefer not to be something that you regret.” He told her quietly. She gazed up at him, burning eyes confused. “I’m a monster, remember?” He reached up to cup her face, running his thumb across her cheekbone. “A murderer.”

 

“You’re changing.” She argued.

 

“Maybe.” He allowed. “But it doesn’t change what I’ve done. It doesn’t mean I deserve you.” He dropped his hand and took another step back, chagrined when she continued to follow.

 

“That’s for me to decide.” She snapped, eyes flaring and fist gripping his shirt at his chest, yanking him closer. “You said that nothing but  _ my _ word can drive you from my side.” 

 

“And nothing will.” He swore. “If you still want this once we’ve figured out what we’re doing, I won’t hesitate. I’ll take anything and everything you give me. But I don’t think you’ve thought this through. What will your friends think if you take up with me? FN-2187?” 

 

“Finn.” She corrected hotly.

 

“Dameron. My  _ mother. _ ” He continued. A flash of something—a mix of fear and insecurity—flickered through his eyes before he dropped his head, hiding from her. “I don’t trust myself with you.” The admission was soft and vulnerable. “My desires are too dark, and I’d take too much. I can’t risk you.” He breathed.

 

She softened. “Does it matter that I trust you?”

 

“You shouldn’t.” He scolded her. 

 

“But I do. I don’t know all of you, but I do know you, Ben.” She tugged at their bond playfully. “You’ve done terrible things. But they didn’t bring you satisfaction. Quite the opposite. And you’ve saved my life twice now.” She smoothed a hand over his cheek, thumb running in the groove of his scar. 

 

_ They were both done selfishly. One to ease my own discomfort and the other to spare myself any more pain or sorrow.  _

 

_ Whether or not you realize it, you just admitted that losing me would bring you pain and sorrow.  _ She smirked at him, tilting his head up before pressing a feather light kiss to the corner of his mouth. “That doesn’t sound like someone who would take too much.”

 

He clenched his fist against her waist. “We should go make sure that Salvis and Amalia aren’t killing each other.” He told her, eyes dark with desire and mouth tense with restraint. She nodded, not taking her eyes off him and her thumb still taking inventory of his scar. “Rey, please.”

 

She moved forward again, pressing her lips against his firmly. He shook under her touch, his fist bunching in the temptingly delicate fabric of her dress as he kissed her ferociously. She wanted to disintegrate into him when he pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down, and she let him know by re-tangling her hands in his hair and trying to pull him closer. He wouldn’t allow it, and she whined in protest as he released her lip, pressed his mouth against hers one more time, before pulling away entirely. “I’m not known for my restraint. Please don’t push this now.” He begged, resting his forehead against hers.

 

She pouted, but allowed him to retreat. “Salvis and Amalia.” She agreed. 

* * *

“Good to see you’re alive.” Kylo drawled as they approached Salvis and Amalia in the lounge. The matching grins they shot him struck Rey in the chest—she’d seen the family resemblance, but it had never been as clear as it was when they wore matching expressions.

“You were the one in danger, Kylo.” Amalia crooned her reminder. “I wanted to take the appendage of your choosing. Unfortunately, I’ve grown quite fond of your bond-mate, and would hate to cause her pain.”

“I’m a lucky man.” He agreed. 

“It’s good to see you, by the way.” She commented, as though this reunion weren’t fraught. “That’s one hell of a scar. Where’d you get it?”

Rey grimaced as he turned half-amused, half-annoyed eyes to her. “Rey gifted me with this shortly after we met.” 

“It’s not like I didn’t have good reason. You have very little right to be annoyed.” She scolded him. 

“Oh no, of course not. It’s not like I was having a particularly bad day.” He intoned sarcastically. 

“That bad day was almost entirely of your own making. Kidnapping me, invading my mind, throwing me against a tree, bisecting three of Finn’s vertebrae, nearly shoving me off a ravine…”

“Let’s not forget being convinced that killing my father would bring me clarity, doing the deed and finding no relief, getting shot in the gut with a bowcaster, finding that the traitor who I’d let walk free had come for you, getting my face slashed open with a lightsaber, and left for dead on a detonating planet.” He raised an eyebrow as he stared her down.

“Okay, so it wasn’t a good day for either of us.” She mumbled. 

“It’s unfair that he gets a scar that should make him look mutilated and all it does is make him look more intense and brooding. You can’t buy that kind of sexual magnetism.” Amalia commented to Salvis. 

“Oh, I agree. The first time I saw the scar it was only a month after Starkiller, and I think their bond was still maturing. He was like a caged animal. I considered putting myself in the line of fire a few times.” Salvis smirked. “But I’ve been on the receiving end before. I’m not entirely sure that the muscle sprains, ligament tears and fractured collarbone were worth it.” 

The look Rey gave him was a heady cocktail of shock, hurt, and appalled. He grimaced. The hurt is what caught him hardest. 

“Angry kids, told to pursue passion, hatred, pain and fear. We took it out on each other. We’ve all traded partners within the fold. Nero started looking externally first. I have been too overrun for any such thing since the Resistance started showing their teeth and Snoke has me active at all times. Salvis has Tyvis to tear her ligaments now, Messida takes care of herself because nobody has exactly what she’s looking for, Vestis and Quaisel worked each other over as best they could before Vestis took chastity and frustration as fuel for her aggression and Quaisel started screwing around with deck officers, and Aro has had his sights set on someone for years, but won’t tell us who.” He recounted dutifully. He was pleased when the hurt in her eyes subsided.

“Muscle sprains, ligament tears, and a fractured collarbone.” She repeated darkly. 

“He likes to test the flexibility of his partners while playing into their desires to be domination. And his own desire to dominate.” Salvis purred. “It’s a proclivity that Tyvis shares. But Tyvis isn’t as...feral.” Rey leveled her with a scathing glare. 

“Wow. I would categorize that glare as ‘possessive’.” Amalia muttered into her wineglass, eyebrows raised. 

“We should change the subject before something is said or done that can’t be revoked.” Kylo advised. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Avoiding our awkward reunion and your weird tension.” Salvis laughed. “They could have joined us. We’re in the catching-up portion of the day. She’s telling me about the galactic sustenance supply distributor that I’m going to kill.” She smiled saccharinely. “Nobody shuns a Shan.”

“Damn right.” They clinked glasses.

“By that logic, all of my Knights should be dead.” Kylo reminded them, pouring glasses for himself and for Rey. He handed her a glass and pulled a commlink from his belt clip. “It’s safe for you to show yourselves.” He spoke dryly into the transmitter.

“We’ll be down shortly. Glad you’re all alive.” Nero snickered. 

“She’s gotten vicious.” Amalia observed coolly. “Came after Rey with that sharp tongue the second her eyes landed.”

“She took best to the dark.” Salvis murmured. “Really let it in. She’s our best interrogator next to Kylo, and our most lethal assassin.” 

“I mean, I’ve seen the holovids that talk about her prowess and victories, but I never really managed to picture it. She was just so...sweet.” Amalia scrunched her face, eyes crossing a little as though the bridge of her nose held the image she seeked.

“Sweet.” Rey said disbelievingly. “The person I’ve seen is not what I would characterize as sweet.” She said slowly. 

Kylo scoffed. “That was the most polite way I’ve ever heard her described. What did you call her at the last conclave?” He asked Salvis, amused.

“Sadistic, vindictive, psychotic, narcissistic, egomaniacal cunt wad.” Salvis relayed dutifully.

“You rang, you sanctimonious, venomous, sycophantic, sadomasochistic baton fucker?” Nero chirped as she sailed into the room, flanked by Quaisel, Tyvis, Messida, Aro, and Vestis. She draped herself across a couch, scowling when Quaisel pulled her legs up so that he could slide beneath them before they draped across his lap. 

“We were just catching up.” Amalia informed her. “Talking about how different we all are.”

“Oh god.” Nero’s pretty face crumpled in distaste. “Sentimentality. I’m out.” She moved to get up, but Quaisel pinned her legs in place. “Let go.”

He grinned at her fondly. “C’mon, Nero. It’ll be nice.”

“We have avoided talking about the past for a  _ reason _ .” Nero reminded him, annoyed. “Let me up.”

“No.” He smirked. She walloped him upside the head. “Ow.”

“Back before she was Nero, she was this wide-eyed blonde who wore her emotions on her sleeve. And she  _ loved _ flowers. There was this field outside the Praxeum that was full of all kinds of flowers, and she used to braid her hair first thing in the morning and go running out to the field so she could weave it full of stardrops. She’d come in looking like some sort of fairy from Mandalorian legend, and kick serious ass with flowers tucked into her hair.” Amalia recounted, and while there was fondness on her face there was cruelty in her tone. “Then after she’d covered us in bruises and cuts and burns, she’d come back and gently patch us up with...Par...Vestis.” She caught herself. “She’d fix what she’d broken and sing this little tune under her breath while she did it.”

“Would you  _ shut up? _ ” Nero spat, struggling to get up. Annoyed now, Quaisel pinned her down with the Force. “I’m going to kill you.” She swore darkly.

“You certainly won’t. Not if you ever want the modifications to your Nubian.” He reminded her.

“Relax, Nero.” Aro drawled. He had delicately folded himself into a seat with a high back, and looked like an emperor on a throne. “We all have sunlit pasts.” He smirked.

“Yeah, like yours?” Nero snapped. “The gentle senator’s son with a hard-on for charity work?” 

“Precisely.” He agreed smoothly, long fingers curling around his highball glass. “And I was rather fond of dancing. Even if my partner’s skill was lacking, their smile was always enough.” His eyes slid over to the sisters on the couch, one who was flawlessly feigning impassivity, and the other whose eyes were flicking suspiciously between her sister and himself. 

“That didn’t go the way you wanted.” Quaisel chuckled, pinching her side.

“God, do you remember the Prox infestation in the library?” Messida grinned. Kylo scowled deeply. “Those feathery suckers were the bane of our existence for  _ weeks. _ Then we found out it was because Q, Nero, and Amalia were  _ feeding _ them!” She laughed, joined by the rest. Rey couldn’t help but smile at them.

“I thought Kylo was going to tie them to the stinger farm.” Aro chuckled. “Especially after they destroyed his favorite copy of  _ Outer Rim History, Politics and Diplomacy _ .” 

“I still haven’t been able to find another copy…” He growled. 

“It must be the entire galaxy conspiring against you.” Nero drawled. 

“You’re pinned down, so it would be frightfully easy to decapitate you.” He glared.

“We’re basically here on vacation, so let’s avoid murder. Yes?” Rey interjected. He maintained his glower, but it took on a petulant quality. “Thank you. Varykino is far too beautiful for death and mayhem.”

“Death and mayhem are beautiful in their own ways.” Salvis disagreed.

“We are  _ not _ going to discuss the aesthetic and spiritual qualities of murder.” Messida insisted. 

“Even if it’s about Hux?” Vestis smirked. Messida scowled furiously, leveling Vestis with a deadly glare. Her smirk widened. 

_ Smirking does not seem like a natural expression for her. _ Rey noted.

_ It’s not.  _ Kylo agreed.  _ It’s reserved for when she has a trump card. She loves winning arguments. _ She could practically hear his eyes rolling. 

“I would leave the Knights, fuck and marry the person who kills Hux.” Messida growled. “Filthy, nasal, obsequious rat.”

“You forgot deviant.” Nero sneered. “Nasty little sleemo.”

“What could he have done that is worse that what the eight of you have done  _ collectively? _ ” Amalia asked. There was a collective flinch in the room, Rey included. 

“Well to start, it was his idea to build Starkiller in the first place. And his idea to fire on the Hosnian system.” Salvis spoke first. 

_ Not you? _

_ I would have taken his head off if I’d known what he was planning before we got approval. _ He assured her.

“He planned and executed the kidnapping and brainwashing of thousands for the First Order Stormtrooper program.” Aro offered. 

“He tried to kill Q once. When his back was turned.” Nero told them. Quaisel frowned, offended. 

“Why?”

“My... _ interrogation _ revealed that he thought you were the weakest in the herd.” Nero told him. “He forgot to account for the fact that your greatest weapon is how protective of you we are. A fact which is becoming more and more fictional the longer you keep me pinned down.” 

“He tried to kill one of my Knights?” Kylo’s tone was carefully blank. 

“It was a sloppy attempt, and I made sure that the thought will never cross his mind again.” Nero smiled a dark, pleasured smile. 

_ Did I ever tell you that I feel like I’m suffocating when you get volcanically furious? _ Rey asked him. A thrill of delight went through her when she felt him choke that rage down.  _ Thank you. _ She murmured affectionately.

He made a noncommittal noise noise. 

“Well, at least we know what to tell someone if they want to propose to Messida.” Quaisel joked. Messida tossed a pillow at him. 

“The wine is delicious. Did you stock the house, Kylo? Or was this from the cellars?” Vestis asked, taking a delicate sip from her glass. 

“Cellars. From the personal collection of Senator Amidala.” He replied appreciatively. 

“As long as they’re not the ones that are laced with aphrodisiacs.” Vestis muttered. “That was insane. I’m pretty sure that even Prince Perfection over there was humping the walls before the night was out.” 

“It was the cushions.” Aro denied with a subtle frown. “I have  _ class. _ Tyvis was the one rutting against the stair bannister.”

“Seriously, sex again!” Rey cried, agitated. “Every conversation.”

“Perverts, the lot of them.” Amalia agreed. “Let’s drink about it.”

Rey took a long draft from her glass. “I wish you lot would change.” She said suddenly. “I feel all frivolous and you’re all still in black, looking like you’re plotting a hostile takeover.”

“Well, we do need to go into town.” Kylo flicked his eyes over to Aro. “If we’re going to be here for a few days, we can’t live off the emergency rations. A change of clothes might be wise.”

“Indeed. Shall I pick something out? Or will you go for your typical Organa-level grandeur?”

“Mm, no. Something more Pamarthen in taste than Chandrilan or Coruscanti, if you don’t mind.” 

_ He dresses you?  _ Rey laughed.

_ He enjoys it. And I hate it. It works out well. _ He told her.  _ Now stop teasing me. You’re supposed to be my counterpart, not my aggravator. _

_ Sorry.  _

_ Liar. _ He snuck an arm around her waist to pull her imperceptibly closer.  _ Would you like to come into town with us? You can pick up parts for your saber.  _ He offered. He basked in the glow of her excitement and pure happiness.

_ If you’re alright with me joining you, I’d love to see more of Naboo.  _

“Vestis, do you have Amalia’s payment?” Kylo barked at his subordinate, suddenly very loud in comparison to the quiet murmurs across her mind.

Vestis nodded quickly and pulled out a little velvet bag from her coat, deftly tossing it to Kylo in the next second. Amalia scrambled to her feet and scurried to Kylo and Rey. He poured the five crystals into his (enormous) palm. “Five?” Amalia asked curiously. 

“One for me, two for Rey, one for you, and in for Grigori, should he return.” He explained. Her eyes met his.

“You’re going to reach out to Grigori?” She asked in wonder.

“We were hoping you would.” Tyvis grunted. “M’not sure how to get in touch.”

“And what makes you think I am?” Amalia asked. 

“We know that he comes and goes from Chandrila. The only thing he has there is you.” Tyvis told her.

“I’ll see what I can do. Which one’s mine?” She demanded, excited. 

“Can’t you tell?” Kylo scolded. She stuck her tongue out at him before refocusing her attention on the crystals before her. Then she plucked the grassy green crystal out of his hand delightedly. “Thank stars. I thought you’d lost your touch.” 

“Oh shut it. Using the Force is a rusty skill for me.” She muttered, turning the crystal over in her hand. “It’s beautiful.”

Kylo delicately placed Rey’s twin set into her hand, pressing them into her hand with intent. She looked up at him to catch his searing stare as she felt the weight of his hand in hers. “Thank you.” She murmured. 

_ As I said. You were made to worship. Consider this my offering. _

_ I don’t want your worship, Ben. I want your partnership.  _ She pushed back.

_ Whatever you give me, remember?  _ He agreed.  _ My equal must have a weapon worthy to protect and serve her, as mine does. Don’t you agree? _

_ Thank you. _ She repeated.

“You hardly have to thank me. But you’re welcome.” 

“Okay, I know I said awkward tension before, but you both knew that I meant sexual tension, right?” Salvis asked seriously. “Because if you get  _ that look _ on your face from touching her hand, I’m pretty sure that Naboo will combust if you two fornicate.” 

“Enough, Salvis.” Kylo snapped. She raised her hands defensively, but couldn’t quite eradicate the smirk that formed. 

“Your clothes, master.” Aro announced, striding back into the room. Rey gawked. He’d looked elegant before, but now he looked positively regal in his perfectly polished brown boots, white trousers and shirt, dusty blue vest and sapphire blue robe, all embellished with silver threading. His saber was strapped to his hip, but his only other accessory was a thin silver circlet that wrapped around the crown of his head. His hair, which had been slicked back before, was now falling soft and clean over his forehead and the tops of his ears. 

_ I’ll be back momentarily. _ He told her, taking the bundle of clothes from Aro and slipping from the room. 

The conversation picked up again, Amalia discussing potential lightsaber constructions with the larger group and discussing a potential training regimen for both herself and Rey. Vestis slipped into Kylo’s empty seat, crowding Rey’s personal space. “A lot’s happened in the last few months. And for most of it, he seemed pretty adamant to stay his course. Suddenly, everything’s changing, and I’ll be honest—I don’t do terribly well with change.” There was an aggressive edge to her voice.

Rey faltered. “If you’re having doubts I’m sure Ben would be open to discussing them…” She said slowly. “I’m not sure what I can offer you that he can’t.”

“Reassurances.” Vestis told her quietly, so as not to disturb the conversation. “If you are committed to us, to finding true balance, and swear you and your resistance won’t use me and mine as weapons and cannon fodder, I would feel much more comfortable with our current trajectory. But presently, there are too many unknowns. I don’t know if you’re using your bond as a leash for someone I hold in the highest regard. I don’t know what Leia Organa will do if she’s reunited with her son. I don’t know what Kylo will do if he crosses paths with Skywalker.” She sighed. “Maybe we deserve it for all we’ve done, but I can’t stand to see the few people I love get hurt. Swear to me that you’re not having us on.”

“I swear.” She said resolutely and without hesitation. “Honestly, I didn’t even know you were part of the deal. I didn’t even realize there  _ was  _ a deal, then he was just in my head all the time. Then Leia started looking sad all the time and one day she told me that she felt that Ben was still  _ Ben _ somewhere deep down, and everything sort of spiraled out from there.” She blurted in a rush. Vestis examined her coolly, before nodding reluctantly.

“I’m going to decide to trust you.” She said. “But I hope you won’t take offense if I remain wary.”

“I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” Rey said honestly. “Honestly, I thought Messida was going to kill me on sight.” 

“Kylo is far too attached for you for that.” Vestis murmured. “That’s what scares me.”

“You have nothing to fear from me.” Rey assured her. “I mean you no harm.”

“Very well.” 

When Kylo returned, Rey’s heart jumped into her throat. His boots and pants were clinging to his musculature, and he donned a silk crimson doublet with gold detailing. His robe was a luxurious cream with red paneling, held closed with a delicate gold chain. The chain was held in place by a pin—the Organa family crest. He’d  _ combed his hair _ , and it fell in gentle waves around his cheekbones. He’d never looked more like Leia Organa. He looked like royalty. She stared at him unabashedly, drinking in his features which were schooled into nobility for the first time since she’d known him. There wasn’t a trace of black on his person. 

“You clean up nice, boss.” Salvis told him appreciatively. “Well done Aro.” 

“Thank you. It was about time he stopped looking like he’d thrown on whatever black bedsheet he stumbled across.” He smirked. 

“Make no mistake, I’m appreciative of your assistance in my wardrobe, but I will drown you in the lake.” Kylo told him casually.

“Didn’t we agree on a murder-free stay?” Quaisel mumbled.

“We should go.” Kylo ignored him. “The lake speeder should still be moored on the south side.” He held out a hand to Rey, who rose to take it. “We’ll be back. Don’t destroy my ancestral home.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Nero smirked.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey was certain she’d never been anywhere as fundamentally alive as Theed, Naboo’s capital city. There were people and creatures  _ everywhere _ in it’s grand central open-air market, which fell in the shadow of the Theed Royal Palace. Aro had abandoned them, requesting that they contact him when they were ready to leave. Apparently, he was a man on a mission. 

 

_ There’s so much food. _ She noted, fascinated. He looked down at her, bemused. 

 

_ Would you like to try some? I promise you, it’s better than pack rations. _

 

_ No, don’t take the trouble. _

 

_ It’s no trouble.  _ He promised, sliding a hand around her waist.  _ Some of them are offering samples. We’ll get the ones you like. Here, see? _ He reached out to a woman who was waving a slice of fruit at him. He pressed it to her lips a moment later, and she was struck by the intimacy of the gesture. He watched intently as she parted her lips and bit the end off it, delighting in the unfamiliar texture and flavor. It was crisp but not quite dry, and sweet.  _ This is a pomoro. _ He instructed. 

 

_ It’s delicious. _ She trilled. The corners of his lips twitched, and he ate the remainder himself.

 

_ They are. This is a Mundi. Native to Corellia.  _ He reached out for a slice of something different, and offered it to her. This one was fleshy and orange, dense and moist. Almost slimy, and slightly sour.  _ It feels weird, but it’s fantastic. _

 

_ They’re my favorite. _ He admitted.  _ My father was addicted to them. If he could find them, he would eat them. _

 

_ We should get some.  _ She told him. He nodded, and ordered a hundred to Varykino.  _ When I said ‘some’, I didn’t mean to clear out her stock.  _ She commented wryly.

 

_ Couldn’t help myself. And they keep well in cryostorage. Whatever we don’t eat, we can preserve. _

 

They continued on like that for a while, tasting and buying from as many stalls as they could before they finally reached the main street. He casually ducked them into a parts distribution shop. Casually enough that she knew he’d been here before. “Proxo!” He bellowed. 

 

“Who’s askin!” A deep voice barked from the back of the shop.

 

“An Organa in need of some help.” He called back. She stared at the side of his face, shocked. “I  _ am _ an Organa.” He reminded her, bemused.

 

“Yes, but you don’t usually admit it so readily.” She replied. He smirked and shrugged.

 

“Well, well. Hello Ben Solo.” A wiry, dark skinned man greeted him. “What can I do for you?” 

 

“My companion has need for some of your more...illicit wares.” He said. “You’ve been a friend to the Organas for a long time. Rey here is my mother’s protege. She can’t buy what she needs from traditional distributors.”

 

“If she’s your mother’s protege, why is she with you?” Proxo demanded suspiciously. 

 

“She’s...uncommonly influential.” He grumbled. Rey grinned up at him, mischievously delighted. Proxo’s eyebrows jumped in surprise, before a smirk slid across his face. 

 

“Well then. Anything for the Ren Wrangler.” 

 

“Just because I avoid indiscriminate murder doesn’t mean I won’t kill you, Proxo.” He said darkly.

 

“I’d wager you won’t with your lady friend present.”

 

“She has to sleep sometime.” He growled. 

 

“What can I do for you, miss?” Proxo grinned, ignoring the sulking dark lord. Rey bit her lip uncomfortably.

 

“I’m building a lightsaber.”

 

“More than one. A saberstaff, and two swords.” Kylo corrected. Proxo frowned.

 

“Three weapons for one person?”

 

“Three weapons for three people. I’m making reparations.” Kylo admitted. “Amalia Shan and Grigori Sato will also be restoring their weapons.” Proxo blanched.

 

“Oh. Getting the gang back together. Sounds...tense.” He said hesitantly. 

 

“It’s gone surprisingly well, so far.” Kylo told him. “But the condition for continued smooth sailing is adequate armament.” He explained. 

 

“I understand. Give me a moment, I’ve got what you need.” He disappeared into the back again, and Rey turned to Kylo, smirking.

 

_ You realize that you admitted that you won’t murder if I’m near, don’t you? _

 

_ I said I wouldn’t murder when you’re sentient. I’ve already proved quite efficient at rendering you unconscious. _

 

She  _ giggled _ at his antics and he scowled a little deeper.  _ Don’t worry, I still take you seriously. But I like knowing that you care about me. I’m not used to that.  _ She told him, gentle affection permeating their bond. 

 

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.  _ It’s not a state I’m accustomed to being in. _

 

_ Which makes it all the more meaningful when you show it. _

 

“Do you want your field energizers to be cylindrical or flat-panel?” Proxo called from the back.

 

“Throw in a few of both!” Kylo called back. “You can never have too many spare parts.” 

 

“I disagree. The Falcon was  _ crammed  _ with catalytic converters when I got my hands on it. There was barely enough room to move around.” 

 

“The Falcon is liable to fall apart at any time. Do you have any idea how long ago production of YT-Model Corellian freighters were discontinued? I’m pretty sure it was when my father was still an infant. Keeping an abundance of spare parts seems like a brilliant idea to me.”

 

“I’ve done a lot of work on that freighter. Don’t you dare insult it.” She huffed.

 

“It’s a wonderful craft. Unfathomably fast and maneuverable. But old, and in need of lasting repairs, not patch jobs.”

 

“If you’re ever brave enough to bring the Falcon to Naboo, I’d be more than happy to make those lasting repairs.” Proxo offered, slipping back into the light with a small sack that was laden with parts. 

 

“What do I owe you?” Kylo asked, reaching for his holopad. Proxo shook his head.

 

“For the woman who is apparently responsible for a potential Jedi resurgence? Nothing.” He smiled.

 

Rey smiled back, but the a pit formed in her stomach. She was no Jedi, and she had no intention of becoming one. 

 

“She’s not a Jedi.” Kylo told him seriously. “She’s not a Sith or Knight of Ren, either. She’s convinced me to search for a middle ground.” Proxo’s smile slipped. “I won’t take from you under false pretenses.”

 

Proxo thought for a long moment, but ultimately shook his head. “Take them. You’ll find a way to make us even.” He handed the bag to Rey. He stuck his hand out to Kylo, who shook it firmly. “I have a good feeling about this. Don’t prove me wrong.”

 

“I’ll endeavor not to.” Kylo agreed. “Thank you Proxo. Even after all this time, I knew I could come to you.”

 

“Yes, well. I’m a sucker for an Organa in need. Just like my father, and my grandfather before me.” He smiled wryly.

 

_ Wait for me outside? _ Rey requested quietly. Kylo shot her a confused glance, but acquiesced. “General Organa and the Resistance are on Genassa. That’s where their base is functioning. If you’d like, you can make contact using her old Rebellion frequency.” Rey told him quietly. Proxo stared at her, silent. She smiled at him softly, and exited the shop.

 

_ Ready to go? _ He asked when she appeared at his side. She was grateful that he chose not to pry.

 

_ Ready. _

* * *

Amalia and Rey spent the rest of their day constructing their lightsabers. It was a rigorous process—no fitting tools or maintenance droids could do the job for them. Amalia had done it once before, but it had been so long since she’d truly used the Force that her movements felt shaky. Salvis and Kylo had deigned to stay with them, meditating and instructing intermittently as they went. 

She managed to fit clear focusing crystals into their activators, but couldn’t get her heat mount or crystal mount to sit properly in their casings. Every time she felt herself get frustrated, Kylo would fold into a sitting position and shower her with peace and calm. 

“How’s it coming in here?” Aro poked his head in through the door. Rey glowered at him, and he grimaced. “That good, huh? Well, you’ll get it. It took me a week to get everything to work. But I wanted to let you lot know that dinner is ready.”

Then, Quaisel surprised them all by bursting into the room. “Messida and Nero are trying to kill each other, and I’m not sure that Tyvis and I are enough to stop them. I can’t find Vestis, either.”

Kylo got to his feet with a put-upon sigh. “What happened.”

“Training incident.” He shrugged. “I wasn’t there when it started.”

They heard the hollering before they got into the room, and Rey blanched. When they entered the room, Messida had her hands wrapped around Nero’s neck and Nero had her claws raking down Messida’s face with one hand and the other hand pulling at Messida’s hair with all her strength. 

Kylo turned to Tyvis. “What happened.”

“They were saber training. Mess caught Nero in the shoulder, Nero went ballistic and caught Mess in the wrist and destroyed her gauntlet, then Nero caught her in an upward parry and sliced through her neck strap. I’m not sure how that led to  _ this _ , but it was a pretty immediate result. Mess is winning.”

Comprehension slid over his face, and his eyes darted to the ground, seeking something out.  _ What’s going on? _

_ Messida’s sentimentality is getting the best of her. _ Kylo told her in clipped tones, before reaching his hand up, Salvis quickly following suit. Then the two women were flying apart, pinned to opposite walls. That didn’t stop them from hollering at each other.

“Come at me again with those cheap shot moves you shady  _ bitch!” _

“If you can’t handle cheap shots, you shouldn’t be a Knight  _ Kalo _ !” Nero screeched back. All of them flinched at Nero’s use of Messida’s given name. “Sentimental little pussy can’t take a broken necklace let alone a broken nail.”

“I’m going to  _ kill you you bitch!  _ You wanted me angry, you  _ got it and I’m going to rip your skin off! The second he lets me down I’ll fucking show you Messida Ren!” _ Messida hollered back. 

“If you two don’t  _ shut up _ , I’m going to break both of your sabers.” Kylo said with a deadly calm. They fell silent immediately, but maintained their murderous glares. “Training is intended to remain amicable between my Knights. Those are the rules. Nero, did you intentionally antagonize Messida.” It wasn’t a question—it was a demand. 

“ _ No!  _ I was training! We agreed on battle parameters!” She cried furiously, but she quieted at his cold glare. 

“Accurate?” He asked Messida coolly. She reluctantly nodded. “So then why are you two hollering like banthas in mating season?”

“She’s upset that I destroyed her trinket.” Nero sneered maliciously. “The one that you ordered her to destroy  _ years _ ago.”

His glare turned to Messida, who quailed visibly. “Explain.”

“I couldn’t do it! You knew I couldn’t.” Messida pleaded. “I was going to kill him, but I couldn’t destroy it, you knew that.”

Rey frowned.  _ What is she talking about? _

_ On the floor. The necklace. _ He spat. Darkness was blooming around him. She left it alone in search of the necklace. 

She reached out to it when she found it among the furniture debris (a shame, by any standard), and it flew obediently into her waiting hand. Amalia peered over her shoulder and sucked in a surprised breath. It had been a beautiful, delicate thing. The cord was leather, and it was attached to a hand-carved stone. The stone itself had been hand-etched with a beautifully intricate geometric design. The stone was split clean in two. “She kept it.” Amalia murmured, looking up at Messida in shock. 

“I specifically told you to destroy it. The very least you could have done was stop wearing it.” He growled. 

“Seeing it...cause me pain.” Messida gritted out, tears starting to fall. “Pain brings us strength. It reminded me of all that I’d lost. Everything that I destroyed. That pain pushed me to keep going, so that it wasn’t in vain.”

“I wasn’t trying to destroy it you basket case!” Nero snarled.

“You knew it was there!” She yelled. “You knew why I had it, and you went for it!”

“ _ WE AGREED ON BATTLE PARAMETERS! _ ” Nero bellowed, struggling futilely against the force restraining her. “Nobody’s going to avoid your neck to protect your  _ feelings _ in battle!” 

“You’re not just anybody, Nero! You’re supposed to have my back!”

“I do! I always do, you pathetic little psychopath! I’ve been  _ lying  _ for you for years because you couldn’t destroy the fucking thing!”

“And the  _ second _ you feel your own position slipping you went for the  _ only thing I had left!” _

Rey realized with some alarm that there was a umbral glow gathering around Messida—a darkness that was collecting around her like a radiating shadow. Quaisel swore quietly, quickly calling his saber to his hand and shifting into a defensive stance.

_ Get out of the room. _ Kylo instructed, his tone calm but dark.

_ No. _

_ I’m not kidding. Go. _

_ I’m not either. No. _

_ That...I hate this word... _ **_aura_ ** _ gathering around her is a result of someone who regularly uses the dark side experiencing despair that can’t be contained. Very soon, I won’t be able to restrain her, and she’ll likely go after anyone remaining in the room. It will take all of my Knights to contain her, as it did when we had to do the same for Quaisel and Salvis and Aro.  _ He explained, fury gathering around him like armor. 

_ Despair is the least stable emotion that can feed from the dark side of the Force. It’s all encompassing, drowns out everything else—fear, anger, hatred and passion are swallowed by it entirely. Despair is singularly capable of destroying its host and everyone around them. This is about to fall out of my control, and I want you out of harm’s way.  _ He begged.

_ No. If you’re in harm’s way, then so am I.  _ She snapped. Salvis had let Nero down from the wall, and the Knights were preparing to take Messida down however they had to. 

“Amalia, go.” Salvis instructed. 

“Hell no.”

“I just got you back. You’re not ready for this.” Salvis snapped furiously. “I need you to go.”

Amalia stared at her sister furiously, battling between irritation and being truly touched by her kin’s concern. ‘Touched’ won the battle, but irritation would win the war.  “When this is over, you’re training me.” She snapped, before turning on her heel and storming from the room.

_ Go with her. _

_ I’m not going anywhere. _ Rey snapped.  _ Give it up and focus. I have an idea. _

_ Rey, please. _

_ Who gave her the necklace, Ben. _ Rey demanded, ignoring him.

_ Rey! _

_ The sooner you tell me the sooner you can make sure I don’t get hurt. _ Rey demanded.

_ Dameron gave her the kriffing necklace! Now go! _ He gritted his teeth in furious frustration as he felt understanding wash over him. He nearly flat out killed Messida when instead of leaving, Rey sank to the floor among the debris, still in her stunning dress, and folded herself into a meditative stance.  _ For fuck’s sake you stubborn little Nexu, what are you doing? _

_ You said that despair drowns out all of the emotions that feed the dark side. I’m going to try to force feed her some light. Now concentrate on her so that she doesn’t kill me before I can give this a try. _

_ It won’t work! _

_ If it doesn’t work, I’ll go. _ She promised, staring up at him mulishly. He closed his eyes, resignation washed over him. Then, he turned his attention back to Messida, and let Rey do what she felt was right.

Rey closed her eyes, and as she’d done hundreds of times, reached out to the Force. She felt her heartbeat slow, and calm wash over her. She could feel the overpowering dark energy in the room—not just from Messida, but from all of the Knights. They were drawing on their darkness to prepare from the upcoming fight, and the dark fog that was penetrating the room was nearly suffocating. Pain, rage, aggression, and despair were thrumming through the Force in massive quantities, muddying the currents until the felt like sludge. So, she cast wider, searching for light beyond the room and into the galaxy at large, finding it quickly. Peace, calm, love, and soothing hope radiating through the Force and channeling itself into her. 

She reached out to Messida then, tickling the corners of her consciousness. She was slammed back, but she persisted. Then (knowing how terribly it might turn out), she thought of Poe. Images skittered across her mind—Poe laughing at and with Finn, either at his expense or at a joke. His ridiculous devotion to BB-8. His steadfast devotion to protect and love everyone and anyone who asked for it. His face when he’d heard Messida’s name. The longing in his voice when he’d told her about Kalo Sennetas. The unwitting and unwilling spark of hope that had flashed through his eyes when she’d said that there was still a chance for him to see her again, and on common ground. 

She bombarded Messida’s mind with those images—with Poe’s laughing face, kind heart, and undying if not tragic loyalty—until finally, the veritable wall of darkness cracked. Then she took that crack, and battered it with everything she had. She realized too late that it was rather like focusing a high photon laser on a reactor core. If left at a high enough frequency too long, it would cause an explosion. She saw the edges of Messida’s shroud of despair fracture under pressure before detonating entirely. 

* * *

Rey woke groggily, head pounding and mouth dry. She opened her eyes blearily and sat up in bed (a beautiful, luxurious bed), groaning aloud in discomfort. 

“You’re awake. Good.” Nero’s clipped tones sounded from across the room. She was bent over a desk, scribbling away on a holopad. “How are you feeling.”

“Like I was pummeled by a Reek.” Rey groaned through a sandpaper mouth. “What happened?”

“You stopped Messida from destroying Varykino.” Nero told her mildly. “Reckless, but well done. On a separate note, we had to sedate Kylo to keep him from killing Messida immediately thereafter.”

“Why?”

“Because her emotional detonation was so severe that you collapsed on impact. He went nuts. Inconsolably panicked and unfathomably furious. We had to knock him out before he reached the same level of despair that you’d just managed to restrain. Very impressive, by the way.”

“Thanks.” She croaked. “Is he alright?”

“I’m not waking him up until I’ve got you up and running.” Nero snorted, amused. Rey noted that she’d changed her attire—no longer clad in black leather. She’d donned a delicate yellow dress, and her hair—now styled in riotous curls—was pinned up and off her face in a messy bun. She looked delicate and soft. It was incongruous at best. “How’s your head?”

“Hurts.” Rey confirmed. 

“Dry mouth?” 

“Yeah.” Nero hummed in understanding before  _ finally  _ looking up from her holopad. 

“Have any allergies to standard medications?”

“I have no idea. The only medication I’m familiar with is bacta.” Rey recounted. Nero frowned a little, but it smoothed out quickly. 

“No money for quality healthcare on Jakku?” She guessed, a hint of understanding coloring her tone. Rey nodded. “I’m going to proceed with galactic standards and monitor you for negative reactions to any of the compounds and medications that I use. Acceptable?” Rey nodded. “Great.” She whipped out a loaded syringe.

“How long have I been out?”

“Just a little under a day. Longer than I hoped, by shorter than I feared.” She smiled thinly. “You’re not bad, scavenger. It would be a shame if you’d gone out before your time.” 

“Is everyone else okay?”

“Yeah. Messida feels guilty as hell, but everyone made it out unscathed, thanks to you. They’re out getting new furniture for the sitting room.” She grimaced guiltily. “We should have practiced somewhere else. At least the couch made it out alive.”

“Just the couch?”

“And the table. But the couch was where Anakin Skywalker confessed his love to Senator Amidala.” Nero rolled her eyes as she slipped the needle into the crux of Rey’s elbow. “The very last thing on a long list of things that I don’t need is Anakin Skywalker’s force ghost harassing me for destroying a landmark of his epic love.”

Rey wheezed out a laugh. “Or Ben slaughtering you for destroying a piece of his grandfather’s history?” 

“Precisely.” She pulled out the syringe. Rey sighed in relief as the ache in her muscles and bones subsided. “Better?” Rey nodded, and she seemed satisfied. She sailed over to a cabinet and pulled out two small bottles, one with a clear, blue fluid, the other with an orange and opaque sludge. “Drink these.” She instructed. Rey unstoppered both and knocked them down. “Your dry mouth will clear in a couple minutes, and your headache in about half an hour. Maybe less, since you haven’t eaten in a day.”

“Thanks.”

“Don't mention it. Want to try to stand?” She offered. Rey nodded, propping herself up until she was fully in a sitting position, and sliding from the bed. She felt a little shaky, but otherwise stood easily. “Excellent. Food, then we can wake up His Restlessness.” Nero smiled.

“Thanks for taking care of me.” Rey told her sincerely. They floated through the halls of Varykino. Rey noted that her dress had been changed—a simple, floor-length slip of lavender silk. She hoped that the other one hadn’t been destroyed.

“Of course. Honestly, taking care of you is taking care of myself.” Nero shot her a smirk. “In any case, I’ve got the most medical experience out of all of us. I used to enjoy patching people up more than I enjoyed cutting them down.”

“What changed?”

“My circumstances.” She shrugged. “I joined Kylo because I loved him. I knew he didn’t love me back, but I didn’t want to lose him. I evolved to survive, and I think I like myself better now, over all. I’m stronger, more capable, but I still have people who I can put my trust and faith in. And I don’t have to tame what makes me human.” 

“Do you still love him?” Rey asked. She honestly wanted to know. 

“Not in the same way.” Nero allowed. “I’m not a masochist, you know? I got over the romantic love for him as a means of survival. But I still love him. As a friend. As close as you can get to a brother without considering my past to be incestuous.” She winked. Rey wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“Fair enough.”

“Aro was quite put out that the meal he prepared wasn’t enjoyed.” Nero chuckled as they sat at the table. “Back before we turned, he loved to cook. It’s been a long time. Shall we rectify his disappointment?”

“Sounds good to me.” Rey smiled. A service droid wheeled a set of trays on a train of carts into the dining room. “Holy…”

“Yeah, he went a little overboard. He was excited, the dear.” Nero laughed. Rey smiled at the sound, light and crisp as a bell. She’d never heard it before. Nero mostly mostly dealt in sneers, scoffs and bellows.

“I have trouble understanding any of you.” Rey admitted as they served themselves. Well, as Nero served them, since Rey had no idea where to start. “You’ve all talked about who you were before, but sometimes you say or do things that I can’t reconcile with who you are now, no matter how hard I try.”

“Like what?”

“Like...Aro loves to cook. Why would cooking be a hindrance to the dark side? Messida vowed to kill Poe on sight, but keeps the necklace she gave him. Salvis is Kylo’s second in command, but got so antsy about seeing Amalia that she spent eight straight hours fucking Tyvis to avoid her anxiety. Tyvis is this hulking beast who’s universally known for brute force, but he’s got a killer sense of humor and he cares about the lot of you  _ so much.  _ Vestis is all calculated and determined to do everything logically, but is simultaneously willing to take a chance on the unknown for the rest of you, even though it scares the pants off her. And you. You’re lethal. I don’t know a single person in the galaxy who hasn’t heard or told a horror story about being taking as your prisoner of war. But you, in all of that terror, malice, and vindictiveness, kept your knowledge of Messida’s indiscretions it to yourself. Out of  _ affection _ .”

“Please. No. Not affection. Messida has been my partner in combat since we became Knights. I’m better with her at my back, regardless of my distaste for her sentimentality.” Nero denied, shaking her head as though explaining a simple truth to a small child. 

“I’m having trouble believing you.” Rey said honestly. “You could have destroyed the necklace yourself. Messida would have been angry, but under orders she would have remained your partner in combat. It would have been a win-win for you. Instead, you let her have it.”

Nero looked horrified at her astute analysis. It took a moment to realize that she was horrified at at  _ herself _ . “I didn’t even think about it. It never occurred to me to destroy the bloody thing myself.” She murmured. “Yesterday was an accident, and I knew I’d fucked up the second I saw it drop.”

“Because you knew she’d be upset.” Rey provided. “Because you  _ care _ .”

“Oh  _ kriff. _ ”

“It’s not a bad thing, you know.” Rey smiled in smug amusement. “Caring is important.” 

“Caring is weakness, scavenger.”

“You should really call me Rey. I’m not a scavenger anymore.” Nero looked uncomfortable with the notion, but agreed. “And caring isn’t weakness. It gives you something to fight for.”

“Very insightful.” Nero muttered darkly. “Eat, princess. We need to wake our fearless leader before he starts to atrophy.”

Rey took a bite of the roast that Nero had piled onto her plate and froze, eyelids fluttering shut in delight. “Force alive, that’s amazing.” She breathed. 

“While I understand that you have an unacceptably low bar to clear, you’re right. Aro is a phenomenal cook.” Nero agreed absently, picking at her own food.

Rey fairly shoveled the food into her mouth, eager to taste everything. She let Nero stew in silence as she ate, suddenly ravenous. She had always been bitter that starvation was cruel. If you went without food long enough, you’d forget that you were hungry. But the second you started eating, the hunger would flare up in full force. She’d never been more grateful for the phenomenon than now.

“Does being right come naturally to you? Or is it just a terribly annoying series of well-timed flukes?” Nero asked. Rey glanced up at her, surprised.

“I’m not always right. But I am observant.” Rey responded slowly. 

“The next time you see Skywalker, I need you to do something.” Nero said quietly. Rey leaned forward expectantly. “I need you to ask him what he did to Kylo on the night we left. We already know, but we’ve been forbidden to tell you. He wants you to hear it from Skywalker, because he wants you to trust him.”

“I do trust him.”

“Not completely. Or you’d be dragging us back to your base.” Nero disagreed. “I need you to know the whole truth before I go any further down this path. I need you to understand what you’re asking of us, and how we got here in the first place. Promise me.”

Rey stared at her, a little alarmed. “I promise.”

“Thanks.”

They continued their meal in silence. “Do you hear that?” Rey frowned suddenly, head turning in the direction of the landing pad. 

“What?” Nero turned too, listening intently. 

Rey closed her eyes in horrified realization. “I didn’t check in last night.” She groaned, standing hurriedly. “That’s an incoming X-Wing. Stay here.” She demanded, sprinting for the door.

“No!” Nero cried, sprinting after her.

Rey made it to the edge of the landing pad just as the X-Wing touched down. A moment later, Poe jumped out of the cockpit, glaring furiously. “You promised to check in every twelve hours!” He snapped, striding towards her.

“I got...side tracked.” She winced apologetically. He swept her into a hug. 

“You can’t get side tracked during an illicit meeting with the Knights of Ren, you nutcase. I was worried sick.” He mumbled.

“So you jumped in an X-Wing and flew straight here? If she were dead or injured, what good would coming here have done?” Nero demanded, annoyed.

He froze, arms locking in place. He hadn’t even registered Nero’s presence in his concern for Rey. “Crap.” He muttered. Rey shook with laughter, detangling herself from his hold. “Nero. Long time, no see.” He uttered uncomfortably, clearing his throat. 

“Dameron. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I saw you four months ago.” She sneered.

Poe’s face went blank as he filtered through his mental timeline.  _ “That was you?” _ He snapped. Four months ago, he was confronted by a masked Knight of Ren during a civilian rescue operation.

“It was.” She confirmed coolly. “Bygones.”

“Bygones. Bygones? You destroyed my fighter!” He yelled. 

“I was trying to accomplish my mission. And save Messida from having to do the deed herself.” She said calmly. “It has recently come to my attention that I  _ care _ about people.” She shot Rey a sour look. “I was trying to do a friend a favor.”

“By shooting me out of the sky.” He deadpanned.

“Exactly. We’re having lunch. Join us?” She offered casually. His jaw dropped, and Rey couldn’t contain the burst of laughter. She grabbed his arm and dragged him forward. “How did you know where to go?”

“I knew you’d be on Naboo, but I had to ask General Organa for the coordinates to Varykino.” He said distractedly, staring at the back of Nero’s head uncomfortably. He dropped into the seat next to Rey’s gracelessly. “This is surreal.”

“Agreed. Roast Prim or braised Turco?” She asked, making him a plate.

“Turco, please.” He said, taking the plate a moment later. He moaned delightedly a moment later, mouth full. “Stars that’s good.” He praised.

“I’ll pass along your compliments to Aro.” Nero said blandly.

“Aro Ren made this? Gods, I might have to marry the man.” He muttered, digging in. “This is kriffing amazing.”

“Speaking of the others, how long are you planning on staying?” Nero asked casually. “Because we just managed to diffuse Messida last night, and I’m not sure how she’d react to your presence.”

“Diffuse her? What happened?”

“She was emotionally compromised.” Nero shot Rey a warning glance, urging her to remain silent. “She got a little too far gone, and we had to take measures to prevent the destruction of Varykino. Rey did most of the heavy lifting.” She raised her glass in a half-hearted toast. “Unfortunately, she also strained herself. Hence her inability to calm your bleeding heart.”

“Are you okay? Is she okay?” Poe demanded, wide eyed and worried. Rey placed a calming hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine. I just overtaxed myself, and I passed out. I’ve been well taken care of.” She assured him. Nero shot her another glance, irritated this time.

“And Messida is currently out with the rest looking for replacement furnishings for the sitting room.”

“She destroyed the sitting room?”

“Well...we did.” Nero grimaced. “Training went south, we got a little overzealous.” Poe nodded, dazed. “Now that you’re fed, I’m going to go wake up the master of the house.” Nero announced, standing gracefully. “Please consider leaving before Messida gets back. Talking that woman down from a ledge is a monumental task.” 

“Yeah, alright. I’ll think about it.” He agreed. Once Nero was gone, he turned to Rey. “Does Kylo Ren pass out if you pass out?”

Rey blushed. “No. After I passed out, he got worked up and had to be sedated.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. They fell silent, Poe eating as absently as he could with such a delicious meal, and Rey was just...sitting.

“What made Messida so worked up?” He asked suddenly, setting his fork down with a clatter. “She’s not exactly known for emotional outbursts. Is she okay?” The question was quiet, and her heart clenched at his heartbroken concern. He couldn’t stop worrying about her, even if he tried.

“She was training with Nero yesterday. They agreed on battle parameters, whatever that means. I guess they were going at each other all out, and Nero got a shot in to knock off her gauntlet. Then, while she was distracted, Nero landed a hit on her chest. It severed the straps on her reinforcement plating.” She paused, watching Poe’s face as he drank in her words, jaw in movement as he ate. “And a necklace.” His body went rigid, his eyes steeled over, and his jaw froze. Slowly, he turned his head to meet her eyes.

“A necklace.” He repeated dully. She nodded. “Leather cord. Selenium quartz. Hand etched.” He recounted. Another nod. “She kept it?” She nodded again. He slumped back in his seat. “Why?”

“She’d been ordered to destroy it, and to kill you. She could do one but not the other. The dark side can draw heavily from pain. Seeing it put her in pain. The memory of what she’d lost gave her power.” She explained as best she could. Poe’s jaw clenched furiously. “It was an accident, but Nero’s blow split the pendant. Destroyed the necklace. Messida went nuts. She just...fell into despair. The way Ben explained it, despair is the darkest of the emotions that serve the dark side. It blocks out everything else, most notably hope. She gathered that to herself and became a sort of miniature cataclysm. Apparently, when it’s happened in the past, it’s taken all of the remaining Knights to suppress whoever is falling.”

“So she kept it because it brought her pain and made her stronger.”

“I think that’s how she used it.” Rey corrected. “I think she kept it because she couldn’t let you go.” She said the last part softly, as though to a wounded animal. He clenched his jaw again. “You’re going to break your teeth clenching your jaw like that.” She warned.

“I’ve been spending a decade trying to let that girl go, because I thought that’s what she’d done.” He told her, voice teetering on the edge of broken. “And now you think that she couldn’t let me go either. What am I supposed to do with that?” He begged.

“Have hope.” She shrugged. “And be there when she needs you.”

“Hope is fucking painful, Rey.” He groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Especially with something so...improbable. I don’t know…”

“I think you should stay.”

“That sounds like a terrible idea.”

“Something tells me that it’s a great idea.”

“If you say the Force, I’m going to kill you and tell General Organa that her son did it.” He said hotly. 

“That would be a dangerous idea.” A cool, rough voice intoned angrily from the door. Rey jumped and swiveled in her seat.  _ You alright? _ Kylo asked, brushing at the surface of her mind gently as his eyes bored holes in her composure. 

_ I’m fine, Ben. But I heard you were worried. _

_ You refused to leave the room and then passed out. Of course I was concerned. On a related note, we need to work on your sense of self preservation. And you’re a lunatic. _

_ Noted. _ She replied fondly. 

“It’s not that kind of feeling.” She assured Poe. “It’s...intuition. That it won’t be as bad as it would have been say, a month ago.”

“Well if you’re there to tether all of our outbursts, we should be all set.” Nero rolled her eyes. 

“What are you doing here, Dameron?” Kylo demanded in a low growl. 

_ Be nice. _

_ Haven’t we had this conversation? My reputation took quite a long time to build. _

“Rey didn’t check in last night. Neither did Amalia. I was worried, so I showed up.” He shrugged. 

“And how did you find Varykino?” He asked. Rey jolted. 

“General Organa! You said you asked her! She’s awake?” Rey asked excitedly. Poe grimaced apologetically. 

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot to tell you. She woke up about ten hours after you left. She asked for you. I told her you were on Naboo. With Amalia. I think I nearly put her back in a coma. You know, since she though Amalia was dead, and all.” 

Kylo winced, but took a seat across from them. “I’m glad to hear that she’s improving.” He murmured, as though reluctant to say the words aloud. They left an odd taste in his mouth.

Poe shifted uncomfortably, but maintained a steady visage. “She’s an unnaturally strong person.” He said. 

Nero, disliking discomfort that she didn’t directly cause, struck up a conversation that mostly consisted of her talking with a smattering of pointed questions. Rey took the time to observe Kylo who was, in a word, disheveled. He was wearing a black silk bed set, and his hair was in a disarray. He looked positively domestic. 

_ You’re staring. _ He murmured, sliding his eyes over to her.  _ Quite blatantly. _

_ I’ve never seen you so unpolished. It’s a new phenomenon.  _ She smiled lightly.  _ You look unburdened this way. I think I like it. _

_ I look like I was knocked out, drugged, and forcibly changed into flimsy clothing. _ He said irritably. 

_ You look like you just rolled out of bed. _ She disagreed.  _ It’s humanizing.  _

_ I’m a monster, remember? _ He scolded.  _ The only humanity I have in me is you. _

_ That’s not true, and you know it. If that were true, General Organa wouldn’t be on the mend.  _ She reminded him softly. She projected herself to his side then, and he jerked in surprise. She draped her projection across his lap and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. His fists clenched on the arms of his chair. 

_ What are you doing? _ He asked darkly.

_ Thanking you for being concerned about me. _ She murmured into his ear, placing a kiss on his earlobe.  _ And reminding you that I know you’re human.  _

_ Stop. _

_ No.  _ She dropped a kiss to his neck, nuzzling his throat with her nose. 

_ You said you wouldn’t push. _ He reminded her, begging. She sighed, but moved away.  _ It’s for your own good. _

_ I would prefer to decide that for myself.  _ She huffed.  _ I know you care about me. I trust you with myself.  _

_ I would much rather wait until you can trust me entirely, if you ever can. And trust is earned.  _

_ Fine.  _ She grumbled, but pressed another kiss to the corner of his mouth, slow and intent.  _ I don’t know what this is, but I know that I want it. Whatever it has to offer. But I want to do this the right way. On equal footing. So I’ll wait until you trust yourself as much as I trust you. _

_ I’d prefer if you waited until you trust me as much as I trust  _ **_you_ ** _.  _ He murmured back.  _ But that is a frightfully high bar, and I’m far too selfish to wait for that. _

“We’re back! Is she awake?” Amalia’s voice echoed through the main hall. Poe jerked violently, strongly considering diving under the table. 

“Yeah, in here!” Nero called back, grinning wickedly. Kylo groaned aloud. 

“Where did the X-Wing come...oh. My god.” Amalia uttered when she saw Poe at the table. “We forgot to check in.” She stated dully. 

“You forgot to check in.” He agreed, now looking like he wanted to fly away as fast as possible. 

“Uh...the rest of them are unloading the cruiser…” She informed them, sticking her thumb over her shoulder. “I don’t know if you want to be here when…”

“Since when do we fly tashy X-Wings?” Salvis sniped as she strode in. Her eyes found Poe immediately. “Oh, crap.”

“This is making me think I should have left after I found out that you were okay.” Poe told Rey seriously. 

“You’ll be fine.” Rey waved him off, pulling her projection away from Kylo’s lap with a snap. “But for star’s sake, breathe.”

Then Messida entered the room, sending a perplexed glance to her companions who were, for the most part, standing in the doorway. Then she followed their stares and froze, white skin going impossibly whiter. 

“Hey, Rey, let’s go work on our lightsabers.” Amalia called. Rey shook her head. She couldn’t leave if there was going to be another implosion. It was her idea for Poe to stay, so she had to see it through.

“Messida.” He greeted her cautiously. She jerked at the name. To her, it sounded unnatural on his lips. 

“Dameron.” She replied coldly. “What are you doing here?”

“Checking on Rey. She didn’t check in with me last night.” Poe said stiffly. 

“I see. Well she’s fine now. Will you be leaving?” Clipped tones. Icy eyes.

“I’ve actually been invited to stay.” He replied. No reaction. 

“I see. Nero, rematch?” Messida cut her eye contact and shifted her attention fully. Nero smiled grimly. 

“Sure. But not in the sitting room this time.”

“I was thinking the western veranda.” 

“I’ll go get changed.” Nero agreed, rising. “Thank you for joining me for my meal, Rey.” 

“Let’s do it again.” Rey smiled back. Nero nodded and swept from the room, but Messida remained statue still. “Sit and have lunch.” Rey demanded, suddenly annoyed by the tense, statue stillness of the room. “Kriff, you people are stubborn.” She sighed tiredly as they slowly and tensely moved to their seats. 

“Oh, this looks fun.” Aro said slowly as he entered the room with Tyvis and Quaisel. 

“You too. Sit. Eat.” Rey snapped at them. “Varykino is now neutral ground, and so help me if you don’t all behave, I’ll destroy the tranquilizers and pass out. Since I am not particularly creative with my violent acts, I trust that Ben will be more than capable of taking up my mantle.”

_ Vicious thing. _ He growled in her ear.  _ You would use me as a weapon? _

_ No. But it’s a good threat. _ She smirked.

“Did you enjoy the food?” Aro asked eagerly as he sat, noting her empty plate.

“Nero mentioned that I have very little experience with good food, but if I had to die eating, I’d want to die eating your food.” Rey said seriously. A delighted smile split across his face. 

“It’s been a long time. I was afraid I’d gotten rusty.” He admitted. “Especially since the cuts of meat I chose are so easy to overcook.”

“I don’t know if she actually knows the difference between cooked and overcooked.” Poe teased. Rey made a face at him. 

“I know burnt food when I see it, thanks.”

Poe and Aro both laughed. “Overcooked doesn’t necessarily mean burnt.” Amalia explained gently. “For example, if you cook Turco for too long, the meat gets almost leathery. It doesn’t burn, but if you heat it for too long, it seizes up and becomes impossibly dry. If you cook a vegetable for too long, it becomes really limp and soggy. Sometimes it even disintegrates. That’s overcooking.”

“Oh.” Rey’s face scrunched in embarrassment, tips of her ears going pink. “Yeah, my only experience with cooking is adding water and reheating protein gel.” She muttered uncomfortably. Following her lead from earlier, Kylo projected himself to her side and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.  _ No need to be embarrassed. It’s a frivolous distinction, considering the things you’ve survived through. _ He murmured in her ear, lips ghosting her lobe. 

_ What happened to waiting?  _ She murmured, breath hitching. 

_ I simply declined to partake in what I’m tempted to do. Which, a moment ago, was to ravish you on the table in front of our companions. I think that equality is fair. You calm me down, I calm you down. You rile me up… _

_ You’re cruel. _

_ I do hope you won’t forget it.  _ He tugged an earlobe with his teeth.  _ My partner. _ A kiss to her jawline.  _ My equal. _ A kiss to the corner of her lips.  _ My counterpart.  _ He finally pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her pulse point, darting his tongue out to trace over her skin.

_ Ben... _ She moaned, resisting the overwhelming urge to throw her head back to give him more access. She was not as practiced at remaining stoic as he was.  _ Don’t make me come over there. _ She warned.

_ Perish the thought _ . He smirked against her skin, then vanished from her side. She practically ached from the sudden loss.

“Don’t worry.” Poe’s voice broke her stupor. “We’ll introduce you to the finer things in life. Just give it time, kid.” He smiled crookedly, taking the tomato red face as a symbol of embarrassment, rather than the utter arousal she was experiencing. 

“It’s just strange to remember that even though I’ve lived as long as you, I haven’t lived as much as you.” She recovered as quickly as she could. Kylo smirked at the waver in her voice.

“Well no one’s lived quite as much as Dameron.” Messida murmured acidly. The tension returned to the room immediately.

“Not for lack of trying for the contrary.” He tossed back. “I really liked the tree toss. I’d been sure that I’d die in a fiery crash in that moment, you know, quick and explosive. Thank you for the the additional fear of being crushed and suffocated slowly. I savored that moment.” He spat. 

“I was under orders. Furthermore, I couldn’t do what I needed to do with you in my way. I needed to let go of my past, but you kept on forcing yourself into my present. I did what I had to do.” She snarled. 

“You know why I kept popping up? Not the coincidences, but the raids where sightings of you had been reported?” He growled. “Not so that I could change your mind or try to bring you back. Not to kill you. Just to  _ see you.” _ Messida jolted. “To see that you were alright. To see that you were breathing and fighting. I knew you didn’t give a damn about me, and I knew you wanted to kill me, but I didn’t even know how to  _ start _ not caring about you.” His eyes were narrowed to slits, and he spat his words like venom. Messida looked stricken. Poe was breathing heavily through his nose, like he was winding up to start yelling. They waited with baited breath. He shoved back from the table roughly. “I promised General Organa that I’d bring her some of those weird ass spiny fruit. I’m going into Theed. I’ll be out of your hair by nightfall.” He stalked out of the room. 

“That went well.” Aro observed calmly. 

Then, unexpectedly, Messida cracked at the seams and burst into tears. 


	9. Chapter 9

Amalia and Rey retired to their makeshift work room to move forward with their lightsabers. Poe had fled to Theed, Salvis had scooped up Messida and disappeared with her and Vestis to soothe the distraught woman, Quaisel had pulled Kylo aside and Tyvis was reassembling the living room with Aro. 

 

“I can’t get this stupid thing to fit  _ and  _ align. If it fits in the casing, it doesn’t align. If it aligns, it doesn’t fit in the casing. I’m going crazy.” Rey muttered furiously, twisting at the metal in her hand. 

 

“Which parts?” Amalia asked. Rey scowled at her. She was almost done with her saber, now working on refining her blade length width before adding her activator switch. Rey hated her a little. 

 

“The power ring and crystal mount.” She mumbled, annoyed. 

 

“I think you’re thinking too hard about it. You have all the pieces and you know how they work. Now you have to do what feels right, not what’s logical. You’ll know if something feels wrong, and your instinct will tell you how to fix it.” Amalia assured her. “You’ve got this. You are one with the Force, and the Force is with you.”

 

Rey nodded and closed her eyes, slipping into her meditation. She hoped it would work this time.

* * *

“You have to get it together, Mess.” Salvis murmured, cradling the smaller girl to her chest. She was still sobbing. They’d quieted, but they were no less frequent. “You knew that this would happen eventually if we kept going down this road.”

“I know.” She sobbed miserably. “I just wasn’t expecting it so soon. And I broke the stupid necklace last night. I was already just…”

“I know, Mess, it’s okay.” Salvis smoothed her hand over Messida’s back. “You’ll be okay.”

“I’ve been trying to kill him for years.” She whispered. “He showed up to see if I was okay, and I threw a  _ tree _ at him. A whole tree.”

Nero, who’d joined them after waiting on the veranda for half an hour, barked out a laugh. They turned to glare at her. “Sorry. It’s not funny, it’s terrible or whatever. But honestly, a tree. A whole tree.” She chuckled. “Effective and dramatic. Very Knights of Ren.” 

“There’s no way you could have known that he was showing up for you.” Vestis commented. “He’s the Resistance’s best pilot. For all you knew, he was showing up because he was assigned there, same as you.” She shrugged. 

“I didn’t even know how to start not caring for you.” She said, voice cracking. “That’s what he said. He tried, but he couldn’t. I’ve become such a monster that he wanted to forget me. I hurt him so badly that he tried to convince himself that I wasn’t worth caring about. But he cared about me so much, that he couldn’t stop. So much that he put himself in danger just to  _ see  _ me.” 

“Pretty sure he’d kill Hux for you.” Nero commented slyly. Salvis shot her a nasty glare. “Just saying.” She mumbled.

“He’s leaving tonight, Mess. You have time to figure out what you want.” Vestis reminded her. To their dismay, she only started crying harder. “What did I say?”

They had some trouble making out what she was trying to say, but once they heard it, they braced themselves. “I already know what I want. And I know what I have to do.” 

* * *

“So Messida is crumbling. Unravelling.” Quaisel noted. The four men had been silently staring at each other for almost half an hour, unsure of how to begin. Quaisel decided to make the first move. Kylo merely tilted his head to stare at him. “Salvis reunited with her sister. Aro’s cooking again.”

“You’re making a lot of unrelated observations.” Kylo murmured darkly. 

“They’re not unrelated and you know it, Kylo.” Quaisel sighed. “This feels natural. It feels like emerging from fog. And yeah, some of us emerge and walk off an emotional cliff, but it still feels more natural than what we were doing before.” 

“Say what you want to say, Q. Don’t beat around the bush. Varykino is neutral ground, by order of Lady Rey of Jakku.” He smirked at Kylo’s annoyed glance, but continued. “I say we have an open discussion. Have at it.” 

“I want my name back.” Quaisel stated resolutely. “I don’t think we all need to do it at the same time. I think Nero will be Nero forever. But I want mine back. I’ve never fully left it behind, but you all accepted that. I’m not as brutal as the rest of you, and I’m just...ready.” 

Aro smiled lightly, but hid it behind interlaced fingers. He slid his gaze over to Kylo, who was considering his subordinate carefully. “ _ When _ we go back to the First Order—yes, when,” he interjected when Quaisel opened his mouth in protest. “We can’t just leave without any interceding gesture, and we can’t leave anyone behind. If someone can’t leave, at least some of us have to stay. The opposite is true as well. Regardless, we need to have a plan. If we decide to leave, we need to be ready to fight our way out and take as many of them down as we can. So  _ when _ we go back, you’re going to need to be Quaisel.” He said calmly. 

Quaisel looked disappointed, but nodded. Aro, still watching Kylo, smiled wider behind his hands. Kylo was still staring at Nero, expression darkening as he came to a decision. “Didn’t you give Q the order to start preparations for a potential exit?” Aro asked mildly.

“When?” Tyvis demanded. “Why weren’t we told?”

“A long-term preparation, Tyvis.” Aro assured him “The goal was to simply be prepared should the need arise.” Appeased, Tyvis settled back into the couch. 

“Well, Quinnik?” Kylo asked softly, testing the old name out on his tongue after years of disuse. Quinnik snapped his head up, staring at Kylo in shock as the name swept over him. “Have you started making preparations?”

“I..” He cleared his throat. “I have.” 

“And what have you done so far?” He asked calmly. Quinnik smiled broadly. 

“As a start…”

* * *

Amalia breathed out delightedly. Rey looked up and smiled (frustrated though she was) at the completed saber in her friend’s hand. All she had to do was hit the activator but she stalled, staring down at the hilt in her hand anxiously. “What’s the hold up? I’m holding my breath over here!” Rey teased. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve held a lightsaber.” Amalia uttered nervously. “I can’t remember how it felt.” She admitted. 

“So reacquaint yourself.” Rey urged. Amalia nodded, but stayed frozen. “Today, preferably.” She weathered Amalia’s glare with grace.

Amalia took a deep breath, then hit the switch. Rey grinned brilliant as the blade hummed to life. It was shorter than the Skywalker lightsaber, and the blade itself was comparatively narrow. It was a vibrant green, and it illuminated the already luminous smile on Amalia’s face. “I missed this.” She breathed. She tested it out, flicking it this way and that. “I’d forgotten how light they were.”

“It surprised me, too.” Rey agreed. She turned back to her own saber, delighted by her own progress. It had gone much smoother since Amalia’s advice, and she was now trimming wires for the activator panel. “I’m hoping that I can make the grip longer and heavier so that it mimics the weight and swing of my bow staff.” Rey told her. 

“Not a bad idea.” Amalia agreed. “Need help?”

“I think I’m okay.” Rey smiled up at her. “Should be done soon, if you want to go practice.” 

“You don’t mind?”

“I’ll catch up with you.” Rey assured her. Amalia scurried out the door half a second later. She focused her attention on the wires, delicately clipping and placing and soldering each connection before gently securing them to the activator and the activator to the cover panel. She tested the crystal mount for security, making sure the beautiful purple gem didn’t shake in it’s casing, then did the same to the focusing crystal. Then gently, she secured the cover panel in place before repeating the process on her second blade. She weighed them against each other, pleased that the weight seemed equal. She’d already calculated the length and width of each blade, so now all that was left was to fit them to her staff and run the two activator lines into the grip. 

An hour later, and she flushed with pleasure as her saberstaff sang to life. The blades were short, but the grip was long; and in total it was just as long as her bowstaff and she’d weighted the handle so that it wouldn’t fly from her control. It was perfect, and she found herself wanting to share the moment. 

_ Ben.  _ She tugged their connection excitedly. He was at her side in a split second. 

_ You finished. _ He stated, but it came out as praise. She preened.  _ It’s beautiful.  _ He complimented. 

_ I want to try it out.  _ She smiled up at him. 

_ Just...not the furniture. _ He winced. She made a face at him. 

_ I was hoping for a gentle spar.  _

_ I think you should practice your forms first. But I’m sure Quinnik or Vestis would be happy to instruct or spar with you.  _

_ Not you? _ She pouted. 

_ If you’d like. But you’ve declined my tutelage already. I thought I’d offer another option.  _

_ That was when I was afraid of you  _ **_and_ ** _ angry with you. _ She reminded him.  _ I’ve seen you coach the others now. If you have the time… _

_ I came to Naboo for you, Rey. _ He murmured.  _ I’m at your disposal.  _ She smiled brilliantly. He stifled the uncomfortable feeling that he’d do absolutely anything to keep her smiling like that. 

_ See you in a minute. But wait.  _ She paused, suddenly running through their conversation again.  _ Who’s Quinnik? _

Kylo grimaced. 

* * *

“Kylo, do you have a moment?” Salvis asked as he stepped into the hall. 

“Just a moment.” He allowed. Salvis bit her lip. 

“Dameron really shook Messida up.” She explained quickly. “But she made a decision.”

He sighed tiredly, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Let me guess. She wants her name back.”

Salvis’ mouth dropped open, surprised. “How did you know?”

“It’s a virus.” He grunted. Salvis frowned, uncomprehending. “Tell Kalo to talk to Quinnik.” He murmured purposefully. Her eyes widened in understanding, mouth dropping open in a silent ‘oh’. 

“And you’re...okay with this?” She asked hesitantly. 

“It puts me on edge.” He admitted. “Especially since we can’t just cut and run. That’s not how we work. We have to go back, and we can’t slip up. But I’m beholden to your needs. Once you’ve chosen, I won’t hold you back. No matter what that choice entails.” He assured her. She bit her lip. “Any interest in recapturing your given name?”

“Not yet. I haven’t earned it yet.” She insisted. “But it feels more like an achievement than my current name.” She said apologetically. He smiled wryly. 

“Kylo Ren doesn’t feel like much of an accomplishment either. Not with Rey saying Ben like it symbolizes deliverance.” He sighed. “I’m not sure I’m Ben Solo either. How do you feel about an unnamed leader who lives in limbo?” He asked.

Salvis laughed, surprised. “I’m sure you’ll find one that suits you. For the record, I’ve never thought Solo suited you. But Ben does.”

“I agree.” Rey called, strolling up to them, unlit saberstaff in hand. Salvis eyed it appreciatively. 

“You finished it. Well done.”

“Amalia finished hers, too. It’s beautiful.” Rey smiled. 

“Hm. Maybe it’s time for a group training session.” Salvis winked at Kylo. “I’ll tell Kalo to talk to Quinnik.” She sashayed away.

“Kalo?” Rey asked. “Her too?”

Kylo grimaced again. “Her too.” He confirmed. 

“Are you upset?” She asked nervously. He smiled thinly, shaking his head.    
  


“No. Just concerned.” He told her, a tired sheen passing over him. “I can’t help but feel like I’m failing them.” 

“I don’t think they think you’re failing them.” She frowned. “You’re letting them decide what side of the spectrum they fall on. Letting them choose their names. Letting them reform attachments. That’s a devoted leader, Ben. That’s not something that they’ll give up lightly.” She curled her hand around his arm, pulling herself closer to him. “And hey, if you’re failing them, I’m failing them. Partners, remember?” 

“Counterparts.” He said quietly. “If I’m failing them, you’re saving them. It’s why they’re already reclaiming their pasts. I led them wrong.”

“You led them the best you could with the information you had. That’s why I suggested a middle ground. Not Jedi, not Sith or Knights of Ren, not black, not white.” She shrugged. “Grey.”

“Now that I’ve led them  _ to _ Snoke, I’m terrified of leading them away from him.” He told her, voice dropping even further. “He’s unfathomably powerful, Rey. I don’t have the strength to face him alone, and I can’t ask them to back me up. If anything happened to them because of the choices I made…”

“Ben.” She snapped. “I think you’ll find that you won’t have to ask.” She told him sternly. “If you try to do something  _ stupid _ like face Snoke alone, they’ll follow you, kill him, then kill you for good measure. I’ll help them. Do. You. Understand.” She demanded. 

“Not really, no.”

“Team.” She pointed in what she estimated was the direction of the largest collection of his Knights. “Partner.” She pointed to herself. “Leader.” She poked him in the chest. Hard. “From now on, you don’t do things alone.”

“I’m not letting you anywhere near Snoke.” He scoffed. 

“You can try to stop me. But I’ll make sure to leave a scar somewhere much less manageable than your face.” She promised darkly. 

“I don’t know why you’re so dead-set on this.” He told her seriously. “I  _ ordered _ Kalo to kill Dameron and destroy whatever she had left of her. I’m the reason Amalia and Grigori were in exile.”

“Killed your father, raided a village, yeah, I know. And someday you’ll have to answer for that. But you’re doing better. Not by you, not by me, but by your team and the galaxy, and that counts. It means that you won’t be alone.” She said fiercely. “As long as you’re doing the right thing, I’ll fight for you.” She swore. 

He blinked down at her. “Loyalty could take a lesson from you.” He told her seriously. “And I’m not sure I mean that as a compliment.” She grinned at him, bobbing up on tiptoe to peck him on the cheek. 

“I think you’ll find that you do.” She winked. “Now train me!” She demanded. 

“You’re going to hate me.” He warned, a wicked smile curling across his lips.

* * *

Kalo Sennetas stood on the platform overlooking the lake, truly absorbing her decision for the first time since she’d made it. She clutched the broken pieces of her necklace in her hand and stared out at the water through red rimmed eyes. She hated crying. It always meant she’d have a headache later. 

She wondered absently if her parents were still alive. She hadn’t seen them since she left. She certainly hadn’t gone looking for them. She’d been forbidden, after all. 

“Want some company?” Quinnik asked, sliding up to her. She smiled at him waveringly. 

“Not really. But thanks anyways, Q.” 

“Okay. But before I go...are you going to talk to him?” He asked gently. She pursed her lips, biting back a new wave of tears.

“I don’t think so. I have no right to ask anything of him, least of all forgiveness.” She bowed her head. “I have never done anything to deserve someone selfless enough to throw themselves headlong into danger just to  _ see _ me. And I was the danger he was throwing himself into.” She shook her head. “I have no right.”

“He didn’t give up on you for a reason, Kalo.” Quinnik reminded her. “We all have light and dark. He managed to see what makes you wonderful beyond your individual pieces. It’ll take time, but I don’t recommend shutting him—or anyone else—out.” 

“I tried to kill him. My best friend. Who basically blackmailed his parents into visiting me at the Praxeum. Who mourned my loss so heavily that he nearly ended up in a prison colony. Who sought me out, even though I had orders to kill him on sight. I’m not a good enough person to have someone like that in my life. I won’t shut him out.” She promised. “But I’m not going to invite him in, either.” 

“Well, you know that flyboy. Always barging in when there’s an opening.” Quinnik winked before trotting off the platform. 

She sat there for a long time. She barely even noticed when night fell.


	10. Chapter 10

_ Straighten your back. Hunching slows you down. _ Kylo instructed smoothly, walking through the basic forms.  _ Good. Bend your knees. Don’t get tense, loosen up. You need to be agile. If you tense your muscles you’ll be stiff. Bounce on the balls of your feet. Feel how loose you have to be to be in motion.  _

 

She followed his instructions dutifully, quickly picking up the muscle memory—the appropriate amount of tension in her arms to appropriately swing her staff while resisting it’s return. Saber burns were a bitch.

 

_ Well done _ . He praised when she performed the first sequence of Jar’Kai without reminder.  _ Remember to keep your torso parallel to the blades. When you drop something, your instinct is to lean it to get it. Don’t do it here unless you can remain equidistant from both ends.  _

 

_ Got it.  _ She panted. Kylo was a wonderful teacher, but he was tough. They’d been working for an hour, and she was sure that her arms were going to fall off. She ran through the form again, and this time felt a thrill of approval and pride wash over her through their bond. She smiled up at him. 

 

_ Perfect. _ He intoned with a note of dark delight.  _ You’re a quick study. That’s good. _ She flushed, pleased that he found her a worthy student. 

 

_ So, you’re going to teach me basic forms first, then you’re going to teach me how to enhance them with both sides of the Force. _ She recounted. 

 

_ And maybe figure out how to balance them out. _ He agreed.  _ Sit.  _ She frowned, but complied.  _ Extend your legs.  _ She complied and he sat down in front of her extended legs, picking one up. 

 

_ What are you doing? _ She asked, eyebrows raised. 

 

_ Making sure that your muscles don’t seize after your first lesson. Pay attention. _ He informed her. He pressed practiced fingers into the flesh of her calves, massaging firmly down her legs until he reached her feet, which he coaxed into pointing, flexing, and circling; then repeated the process on the other leg. It was clinical and experienced; efficient.  _ I don’t want you to be too sore tomorrow. _ He explained.  _ If you don’t stretch and massage out your muscles, you’ll be miserable.  _ She nodded, inventorying his movements. He moved to her arms next, stretching them this way and that, massaging up her forearm and bicep. 

 

She let the tension drain out of her steadily. “Thank you for taking the time to train me.” She said, ducking to catch his eye. 

 

“I’m more tempted to thank you for letting me train you.” Kylo told her. “You’re an incredibly adept student. And knowing that you’re even slightly trained will put me at ease concerning your safety. Especially considering that with  _ no  _ training you incapacitated me and sliced my face open.”

 

“I had you at a disadvantage.” She reminded him. “There’s no way I could have pulled that off if you weren’t injured.” 

 

“The Dark Side draws from pain. Arguably, I was twice as strong.”

 

“And twice as volatile. Ben, you were shot in the gut with a  _ bowcaster. _ ” She deadpanned. “I’ve seen that thing throw stormtroopers back ten meters.”

 

“It wasn’t the best experience.” He agreed. “But I was adrenalized during our skirmish.”

 

“But  _ after.  _ Man, you should have seen him. He was  _ cranky. _ ” Salvis grinned as she dropped down next to them. “He was in full-tilt loth-wolf mode for a month.”

 

Rey shot him an irritated glare. “I’m aware.”

 

“That was before we knew how to control the bond, and also before I realized that I didn’t want to kill you.” He waved her off, pulling her arm straight back to stretch her shoulders. She winced as her muscles were stretched into submission. 

 

“Yeah, he had one hell of a hard-on for you, kid.” Tyvis grunted, joining them. Salvis elbowed him sharply as Kylo levelled him with a glare. “I mean, yeah, that kind of hard-on, but mostly like...throwing you off a cliff.” He shrugged. 

 

“You wanted to throw me off a cliff?” She cried.

 

“Uh...I’d rather not talk about the particulars of what I wanted to do to you.” He decided, standing up. 

 

_ Tell me! _

 

_ Rey… _

 

_ It can’t possibly be worse than the things you’ve done before.  _

 

_ I was in a dark place, and I was furious with you.  _

 

_ Is that the reason that you keep shutting me off? _

 

_ Absolutely. _ He growled. 

* * *

Kalo barely noticed the water speeder docking at the farthest mooring. She was lying flat on her back now, feet dangling in the water and eyes staring skyward. 

“Oh.” She bolted upright to face the speaker. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. That speeder’s surprisingly quiet.” Poe offered uncomfortably, not meeting her eyes. 

“It’s fine. I’m on edge.” She muttered, turning back around. 

“You’ve been crying.” He observed.

“No, I haven’t.” She lied.

“Nice try, but I know what you sound like after you’ve been crying.” He snapped. 

“Fine, I’ve been crying.” She sighed. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Right. Emotions are too weak for the great Messida Ren.” He said bitterly. “I’m going to—

“Kalo.” 

He froze. “I beg your pardon?” She squeezed the broken necklace in her hand. 

“My name is Kalo.” She stated quietly, but it ripped through them both like she’d shouted. 

“Since when?” He demanded. 

“Today.”

“Why?” 

She got to her feet slowly, and walked to him slowly. She picked up his hand and pressed the necklace into it purposefully, never taking her eyes from his. “I couldn’t stop caring about you either.” She whispered, barely getting the words out around the lump in her throat. She moved to walk away, but Poe caught her around the wrist and dragged her back. 

His eyes pierced hers, willing her not to look away. “Tell me again.”

“Tell you what?”

“All of it.” He snapped. She flinched. 

“My name is Kalo Sennetas. Because I couldn’t stop caring about you.” She told him, tears pricking at her eyes again. 

He stared at her a beat longer before pulling her firmly into his grasp, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pressing her head into his chest. “I missed you, Kalo.” He murmured into her hair. Her shoulders crumpled and shook under him as she started to cry  _ again. _

“I missed you too, Poe.” She wept into his shirt, hands curling desperately into the material. 

“You kept the necklace.” 

“Wore it every day.” She confirmed. “Until Nero destroyed it.”

“Fuck it. I’ll make you a new one.” He promised. She cried harder. “Shh, c’mon sweetheart, don’t cry.”

“I can’t kriffing help it! I’ve been a mess all day.” She complained, stepping away from him and scrubbing her hands over her face. 

“Everyone’s a mess.” He crooned, running his hands up her arms to rest comfortingly on her shoulders. “I’ll help with your mess if you help with mine.” He joked, smiling crookedly. 

She let out a watery laugh, and it was music to his ears. “I don’t deserve your help. I don’t deserve anything from you at all.” She croaked, face crumpling again. 

“Lucky for you, that’s not your decision.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “As long as you don’t chuck another tree at me, you’re getting my help. Deserving or not.” 

Amalia had been sparring with Nero ever since she’d finished her saber. She was surprised how easily it all came back. Her muscles, though out of practice and in need of re-fortification, knew what to do as Nero came at her. It was a gentle spar—nothing like what she and Kalo had been doing the day before—but Nero couldn’t help but be impressed.

 

“Be honest,” She panted, swiping at Amalia’s feet. “You practiced while you were gone. With a baton or something.”

 

“No, just stayed in shape as best I could.” Amalia grinned back, spinning out of the way of an overhead parry. “No weapon feels the same as a saber.”

 

“Fair enough.” Nero grunted as she hacked forward. “Keeping your left too open.” She warned. Amalia readjusted her stance immediately. “Nice. You talked to Aro yet?” Distracted, Amalia faltered and Nero landed a hit on her shoulder. 

 

“Shit!” They powered down immediately, and Nero strode forward to examine the burn. 

 

“It’s gonna scar, but it’s not terrible. Bit of bacta will fix you up.” Nero assured her. “So?”

 

“Why would I talk to Aro in particular? I was closer to Quinnik anyways.” Amalia mumbled, still pulling the ripped material aside to look at her lightly charred flesh. 

 

“Do you think I’m blind?” Nero drawled, annoyed. “The man is ass over mouth in love with you. I’ve seen the women he’s used since we left—all of them look vaguely like you.”

 

“Which could also be vaguely like Salvis.” Amalia reminded her, raising an eyebrow. Nero squinted at her in calculated disbelief.

 

“Maybe you’re the blind one.” She muttered, annoyed. “Do you want to keep going? Or join the rest.”

 

“I need to stretch. If I keep going I’ll be useless tomorrow.” Amalia groaned. 

 

“Aro could help you stretch.” Nero grinned wickedly. “Give you one of those deep tissue massages…”

 

“Cut it out.” Amalia sighed, settling onto the floor. 

 

“Hey, bacta first!” Nero insisted. 

 

Amalia scoffed. “This is nothing. Way more worried about not being able to move after a decade without sparring.” 

 

“How is that nothing if you haven’t fought in a decade?” She demanded. Amalia grimaced. 

 

“It’s been rough.” She shrugged. 

 

“What do you mean?” Nero asked, fetching her canteen.

 

“Well my only discernible skill after the Praxeum was beating the crap out of people, or so I thought. I didn’t even think about my mechanical abilities. There were a few fight rings. And I also did some questionable things when I was skipping around the Outer Rim. When I was trying harder to hide from you.” She shrugged. “All of the above resulted in injury.”

 

“What kinds of questionable things?” Nero asked suspiciously. Amalia shot her an irritated glance. “If it were the average kind of questionable thing, you would have just said it. I know you too well, Lia. Spill.”

 

“I worked as a prostitute on Tatooine.” She snapped. Nero’s eyes widened. “I was in a jam and I was stuck there, so I found a way to work until I could charter passage off planet.”

 

“It resulted in injury?” Nero questioned softly, eyes dangerous.

 

“People have all sorts of proclivities. The more dangerous, the more I could charge. It adequately offset the devaluation that my scar caused.” She sighed. “Can we stop talking about this?”

 

“Show me.”

 

“Show you what?”

 

“Anything. Your scars. Your memories. Something.”

 

“Why?”

 

“So that I can understand the depth of what we did to you.” Nero growled. 

 

“You realize that you’re asking me to relive some of my worst memories just so that you can steel your resolve?” Amalia snapped. 

 

“Please?” She whispered, eyes desperate. Amalia sighed, but nodded, and Nero reached out her hand. She watched her old friend’s past unwind in her mind’s eye, and was distraught by the tragedy of it all. She retreated from Amalia’s mind a long while later. “I’ve done a lot of things that are terrible by normal standards. Things that I have come to enjoy. I’ve never hated myself until now.” She muttered furiously. 

 

“What good is hating yourself going to do me?” Amalia demanded. “I’ve done well with my life. I’m 27 now, I own a high end parts dealership, and I haven’t done anything ‘questionable’ in five years. I’ve been lonely, but I’ve been okay.” Nero wasn’t look her in the eye. “Look at me.” Nero complied reluctantly. “It sucked, but I’m alive. Because of you, Q, Vestis,Kalo and Salvis, I’m still breathing. So yeah, I went through bad things, but I’m still alive and that  _ counts. _ Got it?” Nero nodded. “Oh, and if you tell Salvis, I’m taking your head off.”

 

“You haven’t told Salvis yet?” Nero cried, horrified.

 

“She wanted to kill a man for breaking up with me. Can you imagine what she’d want to do to someone who bought and tortured me?” Amalia asked dryly with a raised eyebrow. “That’s not something I want on my conscience. Besides, I might want to do the deed myself someday.” 

 

“If you’re amenable, I’d love to offer my assistance if the day comes.” Nero hissed.

 

“Look at us.” Amalia joked, nudging her companion’s calf with her foot. “Planning group activities like the old days.”

 

Nero rolled her eyes. “Just like old times.”

 

* * *

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves genitalia. You have been warned.

Dinner was a bittersweet affair. Rey, Poe and Amalia would be heading back to Genassa the following day, two of the Knights had reclaimed their names, Nero was feeling _emotions_ , and Kylo was already feeling separation anxiety. Poe was reluctant to be more than a foot away from Kalo, and they were at one end of the table, speaking to each other in hushed tones.

 

Amalia and Nero were working with Tyvis, Vestis, and Salvis to etch out a training schedule so that Rey and Amalia could keep practicing when they reached the base. Rey was chatting with Aro, Quinnik, and Kylo about their days at the Praxeum. She was still feeling a little cold towards Kylo since he’d shut her down in the training room. She trusted him with her life, but he was determined to keep secrets from her. She was anxious about leaving him, but was annoyed enough that she wanted to keep her distance, so her side of the bond was firmly shut.

 

“There was...what was her name, she was new.” Aro asked Quinnik. “The teenage twi'lek girl.”

 

“Kadiba. Kadiba Lesso, I think.” Quinnik supplied.

 

“She used to climb the buildings and jump off them. Not to hurt herself, just for the adrenaline. Then we’d all take turns catching her if she was falling too fast.” Aro remembered fondly.

 

“She would also steal all of the bread from the kitchen right when you finished making it.” Kylo reminded him dully. He was barely speaking, and his mood was in a continuous decline. He’d never admit it, but the knowledge that Rey was going to leave tomorrow was sitting heavily on his chest. The fact that she had blocked off their connection was aggravating. He’d grown so accustomed to her presence, that the cold wall she erected felt like he was caged.

 

“That was a low point, yes.” Aro agreed. “Especially that braided loaf I made. It was a special herbal bread. I swear it tasted like sunshine.” He sighed wistfully. Kylo’s lip curled into a sneer. “Don’t look at me like that.”

 

“When you say things like ‘it tasted like _sunshine_ ’, it’s very hard _not_ to look at you like that.” Kylo snapped. They’d cracked out some liquor for the evening, a spicy but delicate liquid that burned warmer than last night’s wine. He poured himself another glass of the stuff, already three deep.

 

“We need to leave tomorrow, boss. Maybe you should take it easy with the Mayberry.” Quinnik prodded him quietly, but not quietly enough to escape Rey’s ears. Kylo nodded curtly. “She actually shared that with me. It did taste very good. Though saying it tasted like sunshine is a bit of a stretch.” He continued, a smirk stretching his face.

 

“Bite your tongue.” Aro frowned.

 

Rey watched with a frown as Kylo tossed back the glass of Mayberry. Up until Quinnik had spoken, she hadn’t realized how agitated he was. Her single glass of Mayberry had her unsteady on her feet. He’d had three, and was taking down a fourth like it was water. He was steadfastly refusing to look at her.

 

“Dinner was delicious, Aro, but I’m getting a headache. I think I’m going to get some fresh air.” Rey excused herself.

 

“You need me to grab a painkiller, Rey?” Nero called as she stood.

 

“It’s alright. I’m just going to take a walk.” Rey assured her with a small smile. She exited the room quickly, lavender dress fluttering behind her. Sooner rather than later, she ended up on the veranda. The one where he’d told her that she was more important than anything else the galaxy had to offer. She’d been swept up so easily, and she felt foolish.

 

“Why are you shutting me out?” He demanded from behind her. She sighed tiredly before turning to face him.

 

“Why let you in? It’s no different than shutting you out.”

 

“I disagree. This feels like being shut in a cage. Like I’m alone.” It almost sounded like a whimper.

 

“I personally prefer being alone to feeling like some helpless little girl.” She snapped, eyes fierce. “You won’t tell me or show me the worst parts of you, as though I don’t already know that they’re there. How am I supposed to be your partner or _anything_ else if I don’t know how low you can go? Do you think I’ll run if I see how dark you can get?”

 

“I think that you don’t understand the depth of every single feeling I’ve ever had towards you.” He snarled, stalking closer.

 

“I watched you murder your father, _Kylo_.” She spat. “If you don’t think I know that you’re capable and often willing to be a monster, then you’re deluded.”

 

He was right next to her now, eyes boring into hers. “Open up, Rey.” He murmured, low and dangerous. “You want to see that badly? I’ll show you. Don’t blame me if you don’t like it.”

 

She glared at him a moment longer, but wasn’t one to back down from a dare. She threw the connection open furiously and he immediately pummelled her with what she asked for.

 

Her entire body suspended in air by the Force, hands scratching at her throat as he choked her and she dangled above the ravine that opened on Starkiller, legs flailing in her struggle to break free. She was bleeding from wounds she hadn’t actually received. There was a thrill of satisfaction thrumming through her headily, and she realized that it was the satisfaction he’d felt the first time he’d imagined this.

 

Strapped down to the interrogation chair, stripped to her undergarments, covered in saber burns from her feet to her neck. For that, he’d felt pleasure.

 

Pinning her down, entering her roughly, clothes ripped, hand in her hair as he pulled with all of his might and gripping her so hard that he bruised her as he fucked her viciously and she screamed herself raw. Her body bruised, more black and blue than tan. Carnal pleasure, but self disgust. The insatiable need for _more._

 

Killing everyone she cared about until only he remained, and forcing her to watch the entire time. Then, instead of killing her too, caging her and breaking her soul piece by piece until she needed only him. _Desire._

 

He pulled away and she felt sick. He was still staring her down, and she couldn’t look away. _Do you finally understand?_ He snarled. _Can you finally grasp why I didn’t want you to see me for what I am?_

 

 _That isn’t you._ She denied, tears pricking at her eyes.

 

 _It is. It’s part of me. Those were real desires. My preference is for you to be screaming in pleasure, but the dark side is fueled by passion. It wouldn’t take much for what I want now to turn into what I wanted then. And I wanted to_ **_take_ ** _from you._ He growled. _I don’t trust myself with you._

 

 _That was terrifying._ She admitted. He finally broke eye contact, looking down and radiating self-disgust. He started to move away from her, but her hand shot out to grab his wrist. _But it wasn’t you._

 

_It was._

 

 _It_ **_wasn’t_ ** _._ She insisted shakily, stepping closer to him. _And I’m going to prove it._

 

 _Don’t._ He hissed, trying to step away from her, but she followed, grabbing his shirt with her free hand and dragging him back to her. _Rey, don’t._

 

 _Ben, please don’t let those be the last memory I have of you before I go._ She begged, snaking her hand up his chest and up to rest on the nape of his neck. _Please._ She whispered. He was unable to deny her but unable to acquiesce, so she stood on tiptoe to press her mouth to his insistently. His control snapped.

 

He wrapped his hand in her hair and devoured her, pulling her as close to him as he physically could. She whimpered in delight, and he hardened at the sound, growling ferally in response and pulling her hips forward to grind against her furiously. She moaned, digging her nails into the nape of his neck and desperately canting her hips into his. He broke away from her mouth and dropped his lips to her neck, showering it with hot, open mouthed kisses as his hands began to roam. She trembled under his attentions, bucking wantonly with each unforgiving jab of pleasure that pulsed through her. She felt like she was on fire. _You feel so perfect, Rey._ He groaned.

 

 _I need more, Ben, please..._ She gasped as he bit down at her neck as his firm and ungloved hand squeezed her ass unforgivingly. She cried out in disappointment when he broke away entirely. She went to drag him back, but she was held still and away from him.

 

 _Those desires were only a few months cold. I am terrified of reigniting them._ He told her quietly, voice rough with need but soft with fear.

 

 _I trust you, Ben._ She begged. His eyes closed when she trailed her fingertips across his jaw. _Please._ _I need you._ His eyes opened, and a thrill went through her at the fire behind them. He kissed her roughly, biting her bottom lip bruisingly and growling at her delighted moan.

 

 _Not here._ He pulled back abruptly. She nodded and stepped away, but grabbed his arm and pulled him forward, destination already set in her mind.

* * *

Aro had retreated to the sitting room some time after Rey and Kylo had left. He’d always loved Varykino—he could always find quiet when he wanted it. He sat half-reclined on the sofa as he poured through a holotext, utterly relaxed.

 

“Mind if I join you?” His eyes drifted up to meet Amalia’s face, smiling softly.

 

“Not at all.” He said genially. He tensed a little when, instead of choosing one of the other dozen seating options, she dropped herself next to him. “Avoiding company?”

 

“You’re company.” She reminded him smoothly. “What’re you reading?”

 

“An old novel about the nature of humanity.” He shrugged. “I’m not the company you came here to keep.”

 

“I’ve barely talked to you since we arrived. I was close with you as well, you know.” She murmured, eyes fixing to his face.

 

“I remember.” He smiled. “And I missed you.” He absently caught her hand with his, tangling their fingers together. “I’ve become very good at compartmentalizing. In any case, it feels better when you’re here.”

 

She was staring down at their entwined hands thoughtfully. “I have a question.” He made a noise for her to continue. “Nero said something today, and I just...are you attracted to me?” She mumbled the last part as though she were embarrassed by the notion.

 

“Yes.” He replied, unabashed. “Of course I am. You are a singularly beautiful woman, Amalia. No scar could change that. Whoever told you otherwise is a fool at best and a monster at worst.” She looked up in surprise. “I’ve been attracted to you since we were teenagers.” He chuckled.  

 

“Oh.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say. He tossed his holopad aside and sat up straight, suddenly in every inch of her personal space. “I don’t know why I asked.”

 

“I’m not sure either.” He replied honestly. “It would be far too selfish for me to ask anything of you, though, so if you’d like to act on that information, the decision is yours.” He told her. “But…” He grasped her chin between thumb and forefinger, and pressed a delicate but searing kiss to her mouth. She inhaled sharply, heart stuttering. “I am available to you in any way you’ll have me.” He murmured against her lips. She was wide eyed with shock and uncertainty when he pulled back.

 

“I don’t know what to say.” She decided aloud. “I thought Nero was just being...facetious.”

 

“It’s hard to tell when she’s being genuine.” He agreed calmly. “You don’t need to say anything. You know I’m interested. Do with it what you will.”

 

“She said you were in love with me.” Amalia told him quietly. He stilled, gaze darkening by a fraction. She fidgeted under his stare.

 

“I see.” He murmured. “Discretion has never been her strong suit.”

 

“Is that true?” She asked nervously. Confessing attraction was easy by measure of confessing love. His lips pursed—his mouth a tense line—and she feared she’d pushed him too far. If it was true, she’d have to tell him that while she’d felt the same once, it no longer rang true. Perhaps not a permanent condition, but an unfortunate truth in the present.

 

“Love is not a word I’m well acquainted with.” He said slowly, gauging her reactions as he spoke. “I desire you, certainly. You’re stunning. A fearsome creature to behold. I care for you. You’re family, in a way. Seeing you safe was an utter relief. Seeing you _at all_ was gratifying. I find I want your opinions more than most. I want to know how to make you smile. And now that you’re back in my life, I cannot imagine allowing you to depart it again. We’ve barely talked since our reunion, but having you near puts me at ease.” He explained as best he could. “I don’t love you the way you think, because I no longer know you the way I did. But I’d like to. I can’t imagine a higher calling.”

 

Amalia’s heart was destroying her chest in its effort to escape. Every word he’d spoken was reciprocal, and it terrified her. She fought to keep her face neutral. “Oh.” She repeated. He smiled softly at her, eyes painted with sad resignation.

 

“Indeed.” He replied, leaning back into his reclined pose. “Like I said. I’m available to you in any way you’ll have me.”

 

“Okay.” She uttered. “I...I need to think.” She said apologetically.

 

“Whatever you need.” He agreed. He tried not to stare as she scurried away.

 

* * *

Rey pulled him into her room hurriedly, snapping the door shut behind them before launching herself at him. He caught her easily, hauling her up against his body to devour her more thoroughly.

 

 _Make me feel like that first day._ She begged, gripping his hair desperately.

 

 _Better._ He swore. He detached his lips from hers to fasten his teeth to her throat venomously. She moaned musically and his hands went in search of a repeat performance. _Your dress._ He demanded thickly.

 

 _Rip the kriffing thing._ She whined, pressing against him and grinding against him, hands tangling in his hair and nails scraping his scalp as he left marks up and down the column of her neck.

 

Instead, he moved to hike it up, slowly dragging the hem up her legs until it was at her waist, before pushing her back so he could pull it off. He practically purred to find her completely bare to him beneath the dress. Before he could truly appreciate it, she was reattached, and he leaned to wrap his arm under her ass so he could wrap her legs around his waist where they belonged. He prowled towards the bed, and she returned his ministrations in kind, lips and teeth skimming over his jaw and throat hungrily, revelling in the rough sensation of his heavy threaded clothing against her bare skin. He moaned when she sank her teeth into the apex of his shoulder and fell forward onto the bed, trapping her beneath him.

 

She liked this. She liked it too much. She used her legs, still wrapped around his waist, as leverage to tilt her hips upwards to grind against his covered groin and he snarled in pleasure, head dropping to her shoulder as he rutted against her. _You’re going to pay for that, darling._ He growled darkly. She writhed beneath him, completely naked and flushed from head to toe.

 

She felt like she was going to combust. Her heart was making a dent in her ribs, and everything from the pit of her stomach to the tops of her knees was throbbing with need. _Please touch me._ She whined, bucking her hips up again.

 

To her utter dismay, he pulled away from her. She moved to pull him back, but he held his hand out insistently and she was pushed flat on the mattress, unable to move. _So impatient._ He crooned as she pushed against him trying to move—to lift her hips or touch him where he hovered above her. He looked down at her, his gaze darkening as he drank in every curve and dip, freckle and scar that her body had to offer. _So perfect._ He murmured hungrily, cupping her jaw with his huge hand, and running his thumb over her bottom lip. He gently spread her legs, just enough so that he could kneel between them. He ran his hand slowly from her jaw to her neck, to her breast. He paused there to drag his thumb over the nipple, watching in patient fascination as it tightened into a hard, pebbled bud under his touch. She moaned loudly when he brought up his other hand to do the same to the other side, squeezing them both hard—right at the edge of pleasurable and painful. _I think I’m going to come on these later._ He told her darkly, cock twitching at the thought. She whimpered and he felt her try to cant her hips towards him again, whining in frustration at her immobility.

 

 _Ben please, let me touch you!_ She begged, throaty desperation echoing through his skull.

 

 _Not yet, Rey._ He scolded, dragging his hands further down to squeeze at her hips. _So perfect. Do you know how easy it would be to take control when I fuck you?_ He breathed. He gripped her hips harder. _Just like that. Holding you like this as I fuck the breath out of you._ She whimpered at the thought, the mental image filtering from his mind to hers mercilessly.

 

He continued on his path down her body, gripping the backs of her thighs to lift them, setting the crooks of her knees over his shoulders. He stroked the tops of her thighs, mimicking a loving caress but executing it more firmly, dragging his fingers across the tensed flesh agonizingly. He turned his head to bite her soft, sensitive inner thigh and she cried out, a keening noise that ended in a sob of unsatisfied desire. Her cunt was laid bare before him and he slipped one hand from the top of her thigh to delicately stroke the pad of his thumb across the seam. “Ben, fuck _please!”_ She cried aloud, voice almost anguished. He did it again, applying more pressure and eyes sliding shut in delight as his thumb slipped between her lips and he met burning heat and slippery moisture.

 

“You’re so wet for me.” He growled, and his words sent tremors through her body and electricity through her spine. “Do you like this? Being laid bare before me like a _feast_ for my enjoyment?” He crooned. She didn’t respond, but panted from the exertion of trying to find leverage where he was allowing her none. He pinched her inner thigh roughly and she cried out in pain. “Answer me, Rey.” He hissed. He pushed his thumb past her hungry pussy lips and slid it up until he brushed against her clit. He delighted in the jolt he felt against his hold.

 

“ _Kriff,_ Ben, _yes!”_ She cried desperately. “Please, I need more!”

 

He removed his other hand from her thigh, and parted the seam of her cunt with both thumbs, watching raptly as she bloomed before him. “You may very well have the prettiest cunt in the galaxy.” He murmured. She bucked against his hold again, letting out an infuriated sob when she remained restrained. Her pussy was pink and glistening before him—truly tantalizing. He deftly moved one thumb to stroke her clit in agonizingly gentle circles, before slowly slipping two fingers into her drenched cunt. She keened loudly, head thrashing. “So tight.” He hissed, pupils dilating as her greedy cunt clutched at his intruding fingers. “You’d feel exquisite around my cock.” He growled, the image echoing between them. The room felt tense with their shared desire as it amplified and ricocheted between them hastily. He was practically drunk with need, cock straining against his trousers as she whined and moaned under his ministrations.

 

 _Ben...please, go faster..._ she whimpered as he languidly pushed and pulled his fingers from her pussy, drinking in the sight of his fingers as they returned to him more slick with each pass. _I need more...please give me more!_ She cried, bucking again against his restraints and sobbing in frustration at her continued constriction. _Please please please..._ she chanted, begging him like a prayer.

 

He acquiesced, speeding his thrusts and tightening the circles against her clit and groaning in delight when she trembled uncontrollably. “Ben!” She shrieked, trying to buck again as he twisted his fingers and curved them to drag against her upper wall, hitting that _perfect spot_ over and over again. Her moans were a symphony now, fluctuating in pitch and volume, pouring out in a never-ending stream, punctuated by her pleas and exclamations.

 

He felt her climax building before it broke, thrumming in the pit of her stomach and his own, suddenly building almost violently. He took it as queue to release her and to fuck her ruthlessly on his fingers, stroking her pulsating clit furiously as her hands flew forward to clutch at his forearms, nails digging in and leaving welts in his flesh. Her body arched uncontrollably off the bed as she came, sparks exploded behind her eyelids as she came with a violent cry, hips and thighs shaking from the force of it and coating his hand with a fresh layer of her juices as he continued thrusting his fingers into her.

 

He kept going until she collapsed back on the bed, limbs twitching and eyes glazed over in wonder. _I’d like nothing more than to push your knees up to your shoulders and fuck you senseless._ He growled, and she twitched again, eyes fluttering shut as she moaned. He deftly removed his clothing as she lay there, boneless, and moved over her. He straddled her waist. _I told you I was going to come on your pretty tits._ He crooned. He reached his hand back to slide the tips of his fingers through her drenched lips, gathering moisture as he went. She spasmed beneath him and whined, a shock of pleasure waving through both of them.

 

He groaned as he wrapped his now drenched hand around his aching cock, jerking it roughly. She curled on arm around his thigh, digging her nails in as she reached the other down to rub against her clit, climax mercilessly rising again as a tidal wave of pleasure and need echoed and amplified between them through their bond.

 

 _“_ Look at me.” He snarled. Her eyes, which had been transfixed by the sight of his strong hand gliding along his heavy member, snapped to his. Her face was flushed and her gaze was desperate—she looked destroyed. His face contorted in pleasure that looked like rage as the wave broke between them and she came hips undulating against her own hand and he spurted thick, sticky ropes of cum across her tits and her neck. He reached back to grab her hand from her drenched folds and sucked her fingers into his mouth. _Next time, I’m going to eat you alive._ He promised. Her eyelids fluttered, but she kept her eyes on his, lips parted in a display of exhausted want.

 

He climbed off her and made to retrieve his clothing, but she clutched at his wrist desperately. _Stay._ She requested, tired and soft. He hesitated, but the plea was too tempting to refuse. He reached his hand out and a thin towel flew into his hand, and he wiped away his drying seed gently.

 

Slipping into bed with her felt frighteningly similar to coming home. She tangled her legs with his insistently and pressed a soft, affectionate kiss to his lips. He wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin. She pressed fluttering kisses to his collarbone and clavicle until she fell asleep, and when he finally followed, he’d never slept better.


	12. Chapter 12

It was late. Or maybe early. Amalia wasn’t sure which. She’d been staring at the ceiling for hours. Certainly long enough to hear Rey and Kylo fucking loudly in the room adjacent. Long enough to hear Tyvis and Salvis doing the same in the corridor, not quite making it to bed.

 

Groaning furiously, she ripped back her covers and got out of bed. It was clear that sleep wasn’t going to be a factor in her evening, so maybe she could get in some meditation. She made her way to the nearest veranda, which took her past the sitting room. She was startled to find Aro, still awake, still reading.

 

“You’re still up.” She greeted him quietly. She envied his grace. Anyone else would have jumped at the sudden intrusion, but he merely flicked his eyes up to meet hers.

 

“I am. I don’t sleep well.” He replied. “Not often, anyways.” She nodded awkwardly. “Why are you up?”

 

“Well, at some point staring at the ceiling gets boring.” She shrugged. He cracked a smile, and she felt accomplished. “I was going to go meditate.”

 

“Oh. Alright, well enjoy.” A pause.

 

“What are you reading?”

 

“Same as before.” He raised a questioning eyebrow. “If you want to stay here, you don’t have to make conversation.” He told her, bemused. “We never used to. We could just sit together for hours.” He eyed her expectantly.   


“Okay.” She uttered after a long beat. She climbed onto the couch next to him. “You don’t mind if I ignore you?”

 

“Not at all. Meditate away.” He smiled softly. She smiled back weakly. She folded her legs and straightened her spine, before reaching out for the Force. She still wasn’t used to it, and instead of slipping into it like Rey, it usually crashed into her like a wave. It was better this time, but still a jolt to the senses—a charge of electricity and raw energy that flooded her all at once, clutching around her lungs like a vice, even if it was just for a second.

 

She liked feeling that Rey had taught her to chase. The feeling of balance—chasing the strands that held together light and dark, life and death, earth and sky. The in-between that was fueled by both passion and peace, strength and serenity, chaos and order. She’d given up a passion-free life the day she left the Praxeum, and even before that it hadn’t sat well with her. She wasn’t an empty vessel for the Force, nobody truly was. They were a part of the Force, and half of the Force was composed from darkness. They had no right or reason to abandon any part of it.

 

She felt Aro shift beside her some time later, and pulled herself from her meditations slowly to look over at him. He had fallen asleep at some point, and he’d shifted onto his back, on foot on the floor, and his other leg bent so that it rested behind her. She smiled at him fondly. His sharp features were dulled by his peaceful sleep, for once not tearing everything apart with his vigilant eyes.

 

She rose gently, and drifted back to her room to fetch a blanket, before returning to him and draping it over him (after aligning him so that he wouldn’t fall off the couch if he shifted). She started to walk away, but he woke. “Where you going?” He mumbled groggily.

 

“You fell asleep. I didn’t want to disturb you.” She murmured gently.

 

“Told you I’m more at peace when you’re near.” He smiled lazily. “Stick around. There’s space under here for both of us.” He offered. She raised an eyebrow. “Just to sleep.” He swore.

 

“I don’t think Nero will make that distinction if she finds us first.” She reminded him. She could have sworn he was pouting, but he didn’t really do that.

 

“Can’t say I didn’t try.” He mumbled, leaning back and trying to get comfortable. She could already see alertness seeping back into his skin, and guilt churned in her stomach. Did he really have that much trouble sleeping?

 

“Move over.” She sighed. He shot her a surprised look, but complied immediately. She slid in next to him, willing her heartbeat to stay even as his arms circled her waist and he buried his face in her hair.

 

“Comfortable?” He asked quietly. She shifted. In fact, she was not.

 

“No. I need to turn around.” She told him. He loosened his grip so that she could turn in his arms, resting her head on his chest. “Much better.” She mumbled. He hummed in agreement.

They were asleep moments later.

* * *

Kalo and Poe had spent the night talking. When he woke up, he was sprawled across the foot of her bed, and she was curled up in the middle. Her eyes were swollen, but she’d stopped crying and panicking fairly early in the evening. He hadn’t seen her look so peaceful in years.

 

She must have felt his stare, because she stirred a moment later. “Morning.” She smiled gently. He smiled back. “How long till we part ways?” She asked, pushing herself up.

 

“At least until after breakfast.” He assured her. It was the first time in a decade he’d seen her look grateful that he’d be near. “One day.” He murmured.

 

“What do you mean?”  
  
“One day and we almost feel...normal.” He shrugged. “Is that all it takes? An apology and some tears. A hug. And we’re fine. I feel fine. Like my heart was welded back together. I still know how to talk to you. I still know how to make you laugh.” He shook his head. “This is beyond surreal. It’s wonderful, don’t get me wrong. It’s just...nuts.”

 

“I know. I meant what I said, you know. I’m grateful that you’re so...receptive to my decision, but I don’t deserve your help or forgiveness. Not with the number of times I tried to kill you.” She reminded him. “If it’s ever too much, just tell me.”

 

“I don’t see that happening.” He replied honestly, reaching forward to grab her hand. “I’ve been waiting for this. I don’t think you’ll ever be too much.”

 

She smirked. “I bet you say that to all the girls.” She joked. He rolled his eyes. “That far flung reputation of yours precedes you.”

 

“Hey, I’m a high-risk star pilot.” He smirked. “Lots of stress. Can’t get attached for fear of leaving a loved one behind. My ‘reputation’ served to take care of both.”

 

“Yeah, alright supernova.” She laughed.

 

“I’m gonna wake Rey up and make sure she’s ready to go. Girl sleeps like a comatose log.” He grumbled, moving off the bed.

 

“Uh, before you do..” She got up quickly, blocking his path. “I just needed to…” She flushed, glancing down at her feet and clearing her throat. “I just needed to thank you for yesterday. For being so...open. For telling me what I needed to hear.”

 

“I just told you the truth.” He frowned, confused.

 

“I know.” She smiled softly. “That’s what I needed to hear. I let a lot of things twist my perspective.” She stepped a little closer, taking his hand in hers. “Seeing you...hearing you say that you cared too much to let me go, it helped me realize what I’d left behind. I have that with the other Knights, but that kind of care is viewed as a weakness. But to have someone who would lay their life down just to see you. And to keep a piece of that person at the risk of being killed.” She shook her head. “Love isn’t weakness. It’s strength. You showed me that.” She brought his hand up and kissed the back of his knuckles tenderly.

 

He stared at her, transfixed. “Happy to help.”

 

* * *

“Rey!” A pounding at the door. That strangely mimicked the pounding in her head. It was unfair that she hadn’t gotten drunk, but was paying the price for it anyways. “Rey, you need to get up. Are you packed?” Poe’s voice called through the door. She groaned and rolled over. Straight into a human chest.

 

 _Oh._ A delicious tingle thrummed through her spine as she remembered the night before. _Right._ She purred, nuzzling into his chest. He grumbled and pulled her closer. Then she felt him against her leg, hard and hot. Her hand twitched, self restraint hanging on by a thread. Luckily, she had Poe. Who burst in through the door.

 

“REY. Oh. OH. _Kriff._ I’m so sorry.” He spun, facing the door.

 

“Get out!” She cried. Kylo was fully awake now, staring at the other man in shock. “Poe, get out now!”

 

“You need to pack…”

 

“GET OUT!” She bellowed. He scurried out of the room, slamming the door behind him. She slumped back onto the bed with a groan.

 

“Well, that was eventful.” Kylo muttered, annoyed. She turned back into him, eyes resting on his. “Good morning.” He slipped a hand around her hips, thumb drawing circles into her skin.

 

“Morning.” She murmured back, craning her neck to press a kiss on his lips. He exhaled roughly and pulled her closer, but refrained from deepening the kiss. It was a gentle, languid thing. _Last night was...does ‘spectacular’ make it sound too showy?_

 

He huffed a laugh. _Spectacular sounds right. So does reckless._ He nibbled her bottom lip. _You let me pin you down. You let me take whatever I wanted._

 

 _Mm, but only as far as I wanted it, too._ She argued mildly, sucking his bottom lip into her own mouth in retaliation. _And to be quite frank, I think you did more giving than taking last night._ She purred, pressing herself against him. _Whatever’s happening, it’s happening. I’d rather work with you than against you, Ben. I’ll take whatever you throw at me, but I trust you._

 

 _I still think that’s misguided, but I’m having trouble concentrating._ He admitted with a mild amount of annoyance.

 

 _Good. You think too much._ She scolded playfully, fingertips dancing up his exposed side. _On a separate note, I knew you were a cuddler._

 

 _Okay. Time for you to pack._ He announced, pulling away from her abruptly.

 

“Hey!” She cried petulantly, shooting up to try to catch him. “Ow!” She hissed, recoiling from the movement. He swore too, pain echoing between them. He was at her side a moment later.

 

“I hurt you.” He said angrily.

 

“In training. It doesn’t count.” She muttered, shifting he body, searching for the paths of least resistance.

 

“I’m pretty sure that the pain in your hips and thighs aren’t from training.” He snapped.

 

“First of all, they could be, so relax. Second, it’s not you strapped my ankles to the headboard and fucked me like I wanted. You pinned me down with the Force, which was far more arousing than I’d like to admit, and I may have strained too hard against it, but I enjoyed it.” She insisted. He closed his eyes, reigning in his panic. She got up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. _Normal muscle pain. I’m fine._ She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. _Just help me stretch._

 

He sighed. _Whatever you need._

 

* * *

“Well, isn’t this sweet.” Amalia shot up as Nero’s voice rang through the sitting room. “I tell you that he wants in your pants, and within ten hours, you’re spooning on the couch. Touching.”

 

“Shut the hell up, Nero, do you know how long it took to get him to sleep?” Amalia hissed. Nero raised an eyebrow.

 

“Kinky.”

 

“Ugh!”

 

“Probably not what you were saying last night.”

 

“Stop!”

 

“That either.”

 

“Enough, Nero.” Salvis demanded. “Clothes are on, so they’re off limits as target practice.”

 

“You have rules about roasting people?” Amalia scoffed. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

“You know us too well.” Salvis shrugged. “I made breakfast, since our cook was cuddling. Come eat.”

 

Slowly, each Varykino guest trickled into the dining room. To absolutely no one’s surprise, Kylo and Rey were the last to arrive. They weren’t touching, they weren’t even standing particularly close, but the collective smirk in the room was palpable. “The first person to say something will certainly be the first person I strangle.” Kylo warned them mildly.

 

“While that’s not true,” Rey shot him an annoyed glance. “It’s not of your business, so shut the hell up.”

 

“One thing, then we’ll drop it.” Tyvis offered. Rey sighed, but gestured for him to continue. “If you two can communicate in your minds, how did you manage to get so loud?”

 

“The activities we engaged in disallowed the adequate mental capacity to concentrate.” Kylo drawled. Rey’s annoyed glare intensified, but he barely even smirked. “May we eat breakfast now?”

 

Poe was _blushing_ , no doubt embarrassed about walking in on them. Messida... _Kalo_ , she reminded herself, looked highly amused. Undoubtedly, Poe had told her everything he’d seen. “We need to get going soon.” He announced awkwardly, eyes darting everywhere except his friend and the man who, until yesterday, had been his enemy.

 

“Yes, you mentioned that.” Rey snapped. “And if you ever barge into my room again, I’ll kick your ass.”

 

“You weren’t answering! I needed to make sure you were awake!”

 

“You knocked once and barged in a second later! You could have waited for a response! Or sent in one of the four _women_ who have already seen him naked!” Rey snapped.

 

“I didn’t know he was in there!” He cried.

 

“Apparently I was loud enough for the entire palace to hear! Did you think I was getting _myself_ off with that kind of volume?”

 

“I didn’t hear you last night! I was kinda focused on my childhood best friend coming back from the not-actually-dead!” He defended himself hotly. Kalo blushed beside him.

 

“I will bet you my right arm and left tit that Kalo heard them just fine.” Nero cackled.

 

“We are _trained_ to listen for anomalies. He is trained to focus solely on the mission at hand.” Kalo muttered pointedly, picking pointedly at her breakfast. Nero’s laugh deepened.

 

“SO. Amalia, will you be returning to the Resistance with Rey and Poe?” Salvis interrupted loudly. Amalia shot her a confused look.

 

“Obviously.” She said slowly. “I’m definitely not going back to my hole on Chandrila.”

 

“Of course not. And obviously you can’t come with us.” Salvis agreed cordially. “So how many training sabers are we sending with you?”

 

“Training sabers? Electricity based ones?” Amalia frowned. “You’re sending some with us?”

 

“Of course we are.” Kylo grumbled. “The last thing I need is for the person whose every emotion and visceral feeling I share to lose and arm to lightsaber training without a proper medic or modern medical supplies.” He had slumped gracelessly into his seat, and was now making plates for both of them.

 

“Why the _hell_ didn’t you tell me that yesterday?” She snapped at Nero. “I might be _able_ to handle a saber burn, but I’d rather not.”

 

“I forgot we brought them.” Nero shrugged, unaffected. “Vestis was responsible for them, not me. Besides, Sunburn over there was training with a real saber. I don’t know why you shouldn’t.”

 

“Sunburn?” Rey drawled.

 

“A little too fiery to be plain old sunshine.” Nero winked at her. Tyvis guffawed, and even Vestis cracked an amused smile. “You did tell me to stop calling you ‘Scavenger.”

 

“I think I told you to call me Rey.” She replied dryly.

 

“I never agreed to that.” Nero smirked back. “Now eat your breakfast before your pilot starts ticking.” She instructed. Rey complied, but petulantly. _I still don’t like her._ Rey grumbled to Kylo.

 

 _Liar._ He taunted. _She told me all about your little heart-to-heart yesterday. I told you that she grows on you once you find her intentions._

 

 _Who said I found her intentions?_ Rey huffed. He raised an eyebrow. _Survival and her teammates._

 

 _Her family._ He corrected casually. _But yes. It’s hard not to like her once she’s adopted you._

 

 _Once someone’s been adopted._ She corrected in return. _She doesn’t actually do the adopting herself._

 

 _I suppose that would be me. Or Salvis, as my second in command._ He agreed. _It doesn’t happen often enough to determine a true pattern._

 

The conversation around them spanned out into their training regimen—how many training sabers they would be taking, how to adjust them to mimic different types of weapons, what forms to start with, and how long to warm up and cool down depending on the length and rigor of their training. They talked about how to set training parameters, from form-practice to battle. They talked about endurance, strength, agility and speed drills, as well as balance, coordination and accuracy training.

 

Then, they were done with breakfast. Everyone was full, and if any of them had more caf, they’d be diuretic-filled maniacs with caffeine palpitations. “I guess it’s time to go.” Amalia said hesitantly.

 

“I don’t like it.” Salvis declared hotly. “Two days was nowhere _near_ enough. We haven’t made any plans or figured out the whole light vs. dark thing, we didn’t get to give them any formal training, we haven’t discussed how Quinnik and Kalo are going to keep a lid on their reversions…”

 

“Like it or not, it needs to be done.” Quinnik interjected. “We’ll figure it out. After all, we have a commlink that can’t be hacked.” He flicked his eyes over to Kylo and Rey.

 

“I refused to be reduced to an intergalactic transmitter.” Kylo growled.

 

“Besides which, that only works when we’re all together.” Vestis reminded them. “If any of us are sent on assignment, we’re on our own.”

 

“It’s a risk.” Kylo agreed. “Anyone see an alternative that won’t compromise our current advantageous position?” A reluctant silence fell over the table. “Precisely. We continue as planned. And we reconvene at the earliest reasonable opportunity.”

 

“Yes Master.” The Knights echoed. Rey flinched.

 

“They call you Master?” She asked incredulously.

 

“I am their master. I’m just not a dictator. I enjoy taking their opinions into account.” He shrugged. “But I did train them, and I hold their interests to be of the highest importance.”

 

“He’s right. He makes decisions, but takes our concerns into account before executing them. As long as we’re Knights, he’s our Master. Unless someone takes him on.” Vestis recounted coolly.

 

“And, as he said, we’re at a lack for better options.” Salvis sighed. “It’s time to go.”

 

The goodbyes weren’t tearful. They’d all been through too much to cry without the threat of finality. They’d see each other again, and come hell or high-water it would be soon.


End file.
